Love is Lost | Reloaded

4 - Unusual Bedfellows

Naya

I had dreaded telling them the news but I had to. Lying about dropping out of school would be difficult and I loved my parents too much to do that to them.

We sat across from each other in the living room, the very place that birthed my love for acting. Instead of the memory making me happy, remembering how we pranced around the living room in our characters, the weight of this situation brought everything down.

Their eyes trained on me closely, waiting for the information their daughter was going to share. From their serious-stricken faces, brows furrowed and all, they knew it wasn't anything good.

Time passed and I was there again. Tears pricked my eyes at my father's disapproving glare. My ears grated with the strained shriek my mother used as a voice to yell at me, veins popping out in her head proudly. My throat choked up as I had no words for them, no words to defend my case, no words to tell them otherwise, because in the very end, I knew they had been right.

"Who would have thought that we raised a failure as a daughter. You're a disappointment."

I woke up from the nightmare that was my reality for a time, heaving for air. I turned my head at the clock to read 1:30 a.m., shutting my eyes in frustration for barely getting an hour of sleep.

I knew my nerves were all over the place because the days were creeping their way to my scheduled audition. What I didn't know was how bad they actually were to trigger the nightmares again. I had grown from that a long time ago, and it worries me that they're resurfacing like this.

I thought about taking a bath to calm me down since that usually worked, but I wasn't in the mood having already lathered in the shower some time ago. Tea probably would have helped too but I hadn't bought any as of late, sacrificing that luxury to save some coins.

The only place that could ever be there for me no matter what was Central Park, a ridiculous idea because it was fall in New York and the temperatures have fallen from being warm. But still, I couldn't help but feel the need to be in my happy place, knowing that it will always do the trick.

So you know what I did? I put some big girl pants on and made my way to my spot.

Actually, I put on my Uggs and wrapped myself in the biggest, fluffiest blanket I could find in my apartment, but you get the point.

Manhattan wasn't exactly empty even on this lone Wednesday night, but a lot less passersby were there and it made it a lot easier for me to get to where I needed to be.

I sat on the bench, using the streetlamp's dim illumination to guide me there. The cold from the seat pierced through the blanket and my pajama bottoms and it wracked my body in shivers. I could barely see the pond from the dying light of the lamp, barely could see in the distance really. Plus, the peaceful scene of ducks was replaced by insect racket, and it might have been in my head but I'm sure I heard a few growling noises as well. New York doesn't have bears, right?

...Right?

Everything about this seemed like a bad idea, but I was here already, wasn't I? I just needed a moment to recollect myself and focus on nothingness, the dark doing a great job of that. If I went back to my apartment all I would have is the urge to study the script some more and get less sleep than I am now.

I knew I was nervous over the role—this being the umpteenth time I have auditioned for it anyways—but I would be kidding myself if I said that was the whole truth. My anxiety is symbolic of the nightmare still echoing through my mind even as I sit here.

I might as well tell you a funny story.

All my life, I was a zealot for talent shows, plays, or anything that allowed me to show off my creativity, and I became an overachiever for any production I was in. I knew it in my heart that I was special.