Twisted Reality

ONE

Somewhere deep down I wondered whether I knew what I was actually doing. I wondered if it was a good idea but even as the thought ran through my brain, I couldn't make myself stop. I couldn't make myself quit.

My hands gripped the steering wheel so hard I was pretty sure blood flow had stopped. My knuckles were white and considering I was normally pale,it was not a very good thing.

My vision was blurred as I tried to hold the tears at bay. I shouldn't be doing this and I knew it but that didn't make me want to stop.

Taking a deep breathe, I pulled out of the driveway as fast as I could and hit the road. I drove fast just to feel the adrenaline hit my veins and flow through my body.

I didn't want to cry. Not then and not ever. I didn't want to let myself fall so much apart because if I did, putting myself back together wouldn't have been an option.

I knew I was being a hazard to everyone. To myself. But for some reason that thought only seemed to entice me. That thought only managed to make me speed up, maybe looking for something. Anything.

I saw the tree and I wasn't really thinking. I really wasn't. My lips curled slightly upward as I swerved. The tears were still clouding my vision. And I absolutely hated that.

Taking another deep breathe, I pressed against the accelerator. The tree appeared closer and a deep psychotic part of me felt a deep satisfaction.

I got closer. And then their faces appeared in front of my blurred vision and shocked, I depressed the brake. It took a while for the car to slow down, stopping just in front of the tree. I wasn't exactly sure if I did hit it but I was fine and I really hated that.

A deep scream escaped my throat with no one to hear it but the demons lurking in my head and suffocating me. I screamed until my throat felt raw and the tears seemed to fade. I screamed to try and silence the smiling demons. I just screamed. I screamed because I didn't, couldn't hit the tree.

I screamed.

When my eyelids slid open again, I sighed deeply before steadily, calmly driving back home.

•••

I laughed as I handed Betty her book. The small frown on her face was enough to get me laughing again.

" It's not funny" She said trying her hardest to maintain the scowl on her face.

" But it is" I said supressing a grin unsuccessfully. She shot me another look, her deep grey eyes hinting at amusement.

Finally accepting it, she shrugged with a laugh. " Okay maybe it is. A little"

I nodded.

Betty sighed before opening her locker and dropping her...well her brother's book inside her locker.

She ran her fingers through her deep red hair and sighed. " This is terrible"

I sighed." It's really not as bad as you think. You can share mine with me and just explain to Mr. Jones. I'm sure he'll be... well bearable"

A small smile graced her lips." Is he ever bearable?" She groaned again. " I can't believe I grabbed his drawing book though. That means I must have packed my physics book for him"

I tucked my hand in here and smiled.
" At least you have me so you're really very lucky"

Betty rolled her eyes. " You're so right. Now what will I do without the great Danica?"

" Be absolutely miserable that's what"

She rolled her eyes and a smile pulled at my lips.