All I Want (vulquinn)

Ease

Warning: Use of homophobic language

February 12th, 1995 10:13 p.m.

The room erupted with roaring laughter and Q smiled in the ring of people with a can of beer in hand and his arm wrapped around the shoulders of Suzy, the girl he had been talking to that was in his math class. He knew at the rate he was drinking, he was going to have a nasty hangover in the morning, but the fun he was having masked that idea so he no longer cared about the consequences. He continued to chip in to the conversation and steal occasional kisses from the girl he admired.

When he first moved away, he felt as though he was finally free and detached from all that had held him back when he lived at home. He started fresh, not knowing a single face that passed him in the halls of the dorms and it was exhilarating. No one knew of his past sins, no one knew his dirty little secrets, no one knew about his mistakes and missteps, no one knew who he was. A new improved version of Brian Quinn roamed the campus grounds. He built up a brand new reputation that over shadowed all his insecurities and built himself up like a skyscraper. He was proud of his brand new reputation and he felt like for once he fit with the "in" crowd, the place he wanted so badly to belong to.

His mom had taken notice of this new attitude he was sporting whenever he visited home for major holidays and family gatherings. She had grown concerned because every time he came home, she seemed to recognize her baby less and less. He seemed like a shell of the person he once was, the only thing that filled that empty space inside was a built up false narrative tailored to cater to his peers. His happiness seemed artificial, like it was all an act he put on to cover up whatever was going on inside. Authenticity wasn't a word she could use to describe him at all, and it made her scared. Every time she tried to bring up her worry about him, he would put up this wall and front that he was fine and dodge the issue completely. It disheartened her, but she couldn't control him and could only hope that he found his way back to himself.

Hidden in the corners of his mind, Q never really let go of himself. He had merely placed the real person he was on the back-burner, kept him on the sidelines because he figured that no one would like that version of himself. No longer would he be seen as the comic book loving quiet geek that was meek. No, out in public and around friends, he was the life of the party, loud and outgoing, a lady killer, the image of masculine perfection. But when all was said and done and he was left all alone in the quiet of his dorm, he couldn't help but let the facade go. When he closed his eyes he could only see the familiar face that his mind always wandered back to when he was lonely at night.

"Sal..." He'd say quietly to himself. He hadn't talked to him since moving, his final words to him clung like gum on the bottom of your shoe. He always wondered how he was doing, what he was up to, and worst of all: who was loving him now.

"Hey Q! C'mon man, you there?" Q shakes his head back to reality and looked around to the blur of people around him, and he faked a smile. "I bet you he was thinking about that sweet piece of ass he was talking to the other day, huh?" The group of friends roar with laughter. Q chuckles nervously and rub his sweaty palms on his pants.

"Shut up Bradley." Q shoots back with a smirk on his face as he holds up his can to take another quick sip to avoid the conversation going further. "Besides the only fine lady i'm thinking about is lovely Suzy right here in my arms." He looks over to Suzy who's cheeks went red. She was cuddled up against him and felt as her shoulders bounced with laughter.

"Suzy! Speaking of other pieces of ass: you know that guy you were talking to the other month, the one before you got Quinn over here in a frenzy? What's his name..? Scottie! That's his name right? The tall lanky dude. Heard he's batting for the other team now that you broke his little heart." Everyone laughs, but Q chuckles nervously as an image of Sal flashes behind his eyes.