All I Want (vulquinn)

Talk Me Down/Too Good

June 28th, 1995 8:54 p.m.

Locked away in the solitude of his room, Sal was sat on his bed, head resting up against the headboard and eyes closed. He was grateful his phone had finally stopped ringing almost every hour on the hour, but it made him feel lonely at the same time too. He fell back into the silence that he loathed.

Why is it that he continues to dance around his head so frivolously? He didn't want to think about him as much as he did, but he couldn't help it for some reason. Q continues to this day to be the only man he could ever dream about, a stain upon his heart that seemed to never vanish. He wanted so badly to hate him, to call him a strew of nasty things and be done with all the emotions. But his heart wouldn't allow what his head wanted. Pictures, memories, thoughts, they all were bittersweet and decadent. All the good memories seemed to outweigh the bad despite the disproportionate amount of such memories.

"You can't have him, get over yourself." He cursed to himself in his head as he folds his arms across his chest. Or could he? He had him for one night, why couldn't he have him for another? The door should have been sealed shut, but there was a crack in it that allowed everything to permeate in his head and fog up all rationality.

"He probably found someone else at school." He tried to convince himself that it was all off limits. The thought of Q touching someone else the way he touched Sal, it infuriated him. Ravished with jealousy, his head began to rise in heat and pressure points began to rise on different locations of his skull. But why would he call so much if he wasn't interested? Wouldn't it seem weird if he was behaving like this while he was dating someone?

"Sal!" Finally, a voice that wasn't his own calling to him. He heard his name echo up the stairs and into his room. Dad was calling him. His eyes pry open and stare briefly to the familiar four walls that encased him. As he steps down the stairs to see what the commotion is all about, he sees the door open and his dad talking to whoever had decided to pay a visit. His dad's body blocked Sal's ability to see who it was. Maybe it was Joe or Murr, it wouldn't have surprised him if he had forgotten something at Joe's place.

"You called me dad?" His dad's head turns around with a big smile and he slowly steps out of the way to reveal the surprise visitor. Sal's eyes go wide and he feels his heart stop.

"Yeah, you got a visitor!" His dad  retreats off into the living room leaving the two to marinate in the awkward tension. There he was, hands overlapping each other in front of him, head hung low, and eyes full of nerves. Sal had endlessly played this scenario in his head. Each time he imagined it, he always had something big to say and make a scene and then dramatically slamming the door in his face and finally satisfying his urge to give him a taste of his own medicine. Now, being face to face with his problem, he wasn't sure what to do. His mind had gone completely blank and wasn't sure how to process everything.

Q's lips pursed together and his eyes bounced between where his feet were and up to Sal. He felt Sal judging him, he felt the resentment, the hurt. He also felt exuberant when he looked at Sal, an overwhelming flood of euphoria hits him and sent his heart fluttering.

"Why are you here?" Sal finally spoke with a tone of confusion and disgust after getting the words dislodged from his throat.

"I want to take you for a ride around the neighborhood. I found my words." Q points his thumb to his car parked out on the curb. Sal swallows hard. Does he continue to be stubborn and keep playing the torturous game of silence? Or does he give in to all his temptation and hear out the man that broke his heart and led him on.

'Don't do it. Don't say yes. You'd be a fool.' He thought in his head. He looked at Q and saw the absolute desperation. His eyes were dragged down and his lips formed a frown that was similar to a child's when their ice cream cone slipped out of their tiny hands and splattered at their feet. Guilt cracked down and Sal and he felt his shoulders tense in closer to his body and his elbows poke into his sides. When his body finally eases, he lets out a deep exhale through his nostrils.