All I Want (vulquinn)

Youth/for him.

Warning: use of homophobic language

July 2nd, 1996 6:58 p.m.

It had been over a year now since Sal and Q began talking again, a budding romance had come to blossom and intertwine them together in the bush of roses they manifested within their hearts. A beautiful spectacle of a crimson color lit up around them like neon trapped within a glass tube, it was blinding but beautiful. They never had an official label for what they were, and they were their own little secret. That didn't bother either of them at all, they had each other and they knew that was all they needed, they felt content for once.

Q wasn't sure what they were as far as labels went, but he knew this wasn't just simply friendship. In the beginning he was averse to showing any public display of affection, the arcade was just one of many examples. As time went on, he found himself growing a little more comfortable as Sal held his hand on the path of his own self acceptance. They held hands under the dining table whenever they went out, occasionally getting a little too loud when talking on the phone with him, more frequent sleepovers and outings with just the two of them. There was only one thing that stopped him from fully embracing himself and just being out: the idea of his family finding out. It was a fear of the unknown outcome of it all. What would his parents say? Would they be disappointed? Would they be accepting? He wasn't sure he wanted to find out, so he continued to keep him and Sal under wraps, showing subtle affection when he could to show Sal he still cared.

Sal didn't mind at all, he wanted nothing more than for Q to just feel safe for once. He kept his mouth shut, and he believed it was probably better that way not only for the sake of Q, but for himself too. He never would admit it to Q, but he had his own internal battle that he was fighting. His issue took a more physical form: his own family. He tried to come out once before, it all started as a simple conversation at the dinner table but quickly turned into burning accusations. It was a secret he never told anyone, an inevitable fate he could only escape for temporary periods of time. His house was a castle of lies for him. College was his relief, his escape. The four walls of his dorm held his secrets and it transformed into pandora's box; A thing never to be opened. Forever sealed and kept away from prying hands that tried to peel back the layers of his flesh and bone to expose the things they found deplorable.

They were ghosts under sheets and only they could truly see each other when they removed the blankets from the other. But at least together, they felt safer than they did alone.

"The sky looks gorgeous." Q had said one day as he looked out the window of his dorm, phone carefully held to his ear. "What's it look like where you are?"

"Blue." Sal said confused as he looked outside to the clear blue cool spring sky, "why ask such a silly question?"

"Why not?" Q smiled to himself. It was the question he asked from then on every time he was on the phone with him. It was his "I love you," and the response had grown into Sal's "I love you too." Their love had formed its own language, and it sounded so beautiful and effortlessly perfect to them.

Summer had finally approached and the summer fair had rolled into their home town. Q was kind enough to offer a ride to his friends, Sal in the front seat as always with Joe and Murr shoved into the back seat. Joe and Murr were let in on the lover's secret, and to no surprise, they were met with an abundance of joy and acceptance from them and confessions that they had an inkling that they were now exclusively each other. As they went down the road, the sun lowered behind them and slowly unveiled sprinkles of stars in the dimming sky. And on the horizon and approaching fast was the glow of the carnival lights. Blasts of neon and lightbulbs that flashed like blinking camera lights, the endless ringing of carnival games, the clamor of drunk people stumbling about the dirt ground, and the almost nauseating scent of fried foods and popcorn.