A Second Chance

chapter nine

Mark returned from work around 5 and brought me to the living room. The first time I moved off the bed in a while. As he placed me down there was a knock at the door. Mark answered it I looked over and saw Callie, Arizona, and Sofia all walk in. Smiles plastered on their faces.

They walked in greeting both Mark and I. Sofia ran into Mark's arms. I smiled and they all joined him in the kitchen whilst he was making dinner. They spoke and I chimed in a tiny bit. I zoned in and out taking notice of the fun they were having Sofia sat on the kitchen bench helping Mark mix whatever he was mixing and Callie was pouring Arizona a glass of wine. They shared laughs and smiles. I stared taking in all that I was missing out on. I couldn't join in a drink or help cook because my legs didn't work. I was broken.

A tears left my eyes and I let them fall. No one noticed I turned my head towards the window that had droplets of rain on it. It allowed my darkness to focus, filling my mind with thoughts I would of never thought of.

My life would of been better if I died in that crash. I would not have to go through all this.

I wanted to get up. Run. Run away from everything but I couldn't. Sofia's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"I'm so sorry what happened to you Lexie" she spoke with a sad face

I smiled. I hated people feeling sorry for me. She was sweet but I hated it.

"I made you this in school today" she added

Sofia handed me a hand made card that read 'Get better Lexie ❤️'. She had drawn a picture of the two of us smiling on the front of the card. It warmed my heart a bit.

"Thank you Sofia, I love it" I smiled and she did too.

Sofia gave me a big hug and I let her go back to cooking with Mark. Dinner was soon served and everyone joined me in the living room to eat. They talked and talked about work, school, and a lot of things but I didn't listen I just zoned out.

I picked at my food, I didn't want to eat. I had to many thoughts going on that kept me from eating.

Before I knew it dinner had passed. Callie and Arizona left and Mark was getting Sofia ready for bed since it was her night with Mark.

It was another thing I missed. Even after Mark and I broke up I still helped get her ready for bed. I taught Mark a lot of things and if he needed help with anything he would call me first before Callie and Arizona because they would take over. I missed bath time with him and Sofia. Sofia would splash and drench Mark and I in water and we'd laugh. But none of that happens now, I just stay put on the couch or bed whilst Mark gets all the fun. I hate it.

I would be easier if I wasn't here.

After Mark puts her to bed he takes me to bed helping me change, brush my teeth, and doing my hair.

Whilst Mark is brushing through my hair he asks "what's on your mind Lex? It's like your here but you're not fully here"

"Nothings on my mind Mark" I lied
"I'm completely fine" I lied again

"Lex, I know you. I know you're not fine."

"But I am Mark"

"Lex it's okay to be upset. Just please tell me if there is more going on" he pleaded

"Mark" I chocked as tears started forming
"I am fine"

He stopped brushing my hair and moved in front of me.

"What's bothering you?" He asked pulling my hands into his

"I just - I - I hate living"
"I hate seeing you everyday being able to walk, I hate seeing Callie, Arizona and everyone else who are able to walk and work. I miss work. I hate living. I wish I died in the crash. It would of been so much easier." I cried out

Mark began crying almost as much as I was. I could see pure pain in his eyes. As if I had stabbed him with a knife. He pulled me into a hug and it took him a while to speak.

"Lex I love you so much. I never want to loose you again. Not ever." He cried.

"I am so sorry that all of this happened to you. I am sorry you feel this way. I am sorry that I cannot help you. I am so so sorry Lex."

It wasn't his fault. But he felt like it was. But it wasn't. I was putting all of this on him and Callie and Arizona and everyone but me.

"No, you shouldn't have to be sorry Mark."

He shook his head "I want to help fix you. Maybe not surgically because that is Callies speciality. But mentally I want to help you"

I knew where this was going

"Mark I don't need nor do I want a therapist or counsellor."

"Please Lex, hearing you talk about not living is scaring me. I understand you hate it but please Lex. Please"

I took a deep breath and agreed to seeing a therapist. For my sake but most importantly Mark. He didn't need my worries on top of what he has to deal with already.

That night Mark and I fell asleep in each other's arms. He was scared to let me go. Thinking I would harm myself. I felt protected and safe for the first time since the crash.