Under the Umbrella

Chapter 3

At 7:43 the downpour returned. "Does it do anything but rain?" Dean complained while getting out the umbrella. They both walked very close together to avoid getting drenched.

Cas' hunger returned a while later after both boy's shoes were once again soaked through from the constantly flowing puddles. He tugged at Dean's sleeve and pointed to a Subway. Dean nodded and led them both inside.

"Do you have any idea what you want? I'm sure you've never been here."

Cas sighed. "Just get me whatever you're having. I have to urinate again." Cas left for the bathroom and Dean couldn't help but laugh at his weird way of putting it.

"This is a big sandwich," Cas said as he sat across from Dean.

"It's called a foot long for a reason. It's chicken bacon ranch. The best." Cas smiled at the 'bacon' part and finished his food faster than Dean had. "You eat like a maniac."

Cas blushed, although he didn't understand why. "It seems that when I get hungry my self control disappears. I hadn't eaten in a while before you found me last night." Dean frowned as Cas also gulped down his entire water in one sip. "I will never get used to the pangs of human need."

Dean and Cas walked for a few more hours after they ate, the rain not giving them any breaks. Dean said he couldn't feel his feet anymore and Cas simply stated he'd been running for days now so it didn't bother him. They found another alley a few small towns over and huddled under the umbrella. Dean refused to let the cuddling nonsense that happened last night happen again. He sat stiffly beside Cas but visibly relaxed when the man laid his head gently on Dean's shoulder.

Cas sighed very loudly. "I think it keeps raining because Heaven is sad."

"What?" Dean asked looking at him.

Cas sat up again, staring at Dean intently. "Heaven is empty. It keeps raining. I think that because the angels are gone Heaven is in mourning. Sadness often correlates to rainstorms and that is why we are stuck in this sheet of constant water." Cas replaced himself against Dean and his shoulder. "You wouldn't understand it."

Cas fell asleep a few minutes later clutching at Dean's side, but he didn't mind. Dean looked at the sky as best he could under the umbrella and hoped that Sam was doing alright. He laid his head against the wall and put an arm loosely around Cas before falling asleep himself.

Dean jerked awake and groaned as he realized he'd only been asleep for an hour. He felt the arm around his waist tighten significantly as Cas began to mumble something through his sleep. Dean frowned as the man began to whimper and tremble beside him. He kept saying the words 'no' and 'please'. Dean placed his hand softly against Cas' face and whispered, "Hey, hey. Cas it's okay. It's just a bad dream. You can wake up now."

Cas' face contorted as his grip on Dean tightened. He said his next words louder. "No, Dean. Please!"

Dean frowned further and grabbed Cas' face with both of his hands, almost shaking him. "Cas! Hey, I'm right here."

Cas' eyes flew open as he gasped loudly for air. His chest began heaving as tears flooded his eyes. His face was a mix of fear and loss. He looked directly into Dean's worried eyes. "What was that?" he whispered through hiccuping breaths.

"Nightmares. I get them all the time."

Dean didn't take his hands off Cas' face. "It felt so real."

"They all do. But it's okay. I'm okay and you're okay." Dean pulled Cas into a hug that rivaled the one from the night before. Cas was in his lap with his legs wrapped around Dean's back and his face buried in his neck. He tightly gripped the material of the clothes on Dean's back and sobbed into him. Dean had Cas pulled tightly against his chest and didn't mind their hip bones digging into another. He had one hand around his lower back and the other tangled in his ratty hair.

"They were going to kill you," Cas choked against him, "and it was all my fault. I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop Metatron. I'm a failure Dean. All I do is disappoint everyone around me and even the people who don't know me. You should've left me in that alley to die."

Dean's own tears began to cloud his vision as Cas' words moved against his skin. He held him tighter as he said directly into his ear, "You listen to me Castiel. No one could've stopped Metatron. He played every single one of us and not a single soul knew what he was planning. You are not a failure. You saved me from Hell and saved our family from getting our asses kicked several times. You helped stop the apocalypse and kick Dick Roman in the head. You have done so much for us that all I can think of is how much good you've brought to the world. I have never been disappointed in you Cas. And you will never be left behind to die while I'm still around. Do you understand that? I need you here and I'm not letting you go anywhere with that attitude."

Cas nodded his head minutely against Dean. He placed a hand on the side of his face and pressed a firm kiss to Dean's jaw. "Thank you Dean," he whispered before slowly returning to sleep in hushed cries.

Dean let a single tear fall from his eye at his friend's words. He sounded so hurt and so in pain that he thought the world would work easier if he was gone from it. Dean quickly rubbed his face. He felt the warmth of the man in his arms and the wetness of sad tears procured on his neck. He laid his head against Cas' and quietly mumbled into his hair, "It's okay Cas. You'll be fine."

Dean woke to the sun shining and the familiar smell of once again wet pavement. He was not surprised to find himself on his back with Cas on top of him. His head and hands were laid upon his chest in a gentle way. Dean sighed deeply, wondering how long it'd take the other one to wake up.

He suddenly heard a small laugh. "Do that again," Cas spoke.

"What?" How long had he been awake just laying there?

"Sigh." Dean sighed deeply again and felt Cas' laughter rumble over his body. It made Dean blush.

"Cas, what are you doing?"

"It feels funny when you do that."

"No, why are you on top of me?"

"Oh, um. I woke up like this and just stayed. I like listening to your heartbeat. It's calming."

Dean blushed again. "Well can you get off?"

Cas pushed himself off of Dean and sat on the pavement. "Sorry," he whispered. Dean brushed himself off and got to his feet. He stretched and yawned loudly. "Hey, um. I didn't mean to..." Dean looked down at Cas who was staring into his lap. "I apologize for waking you last night, is all."

Dean's face softened as he helped pull Cas to his feet. "Don't worry about it. I understand nightmares, and I certainly understand having bad thoughts." Neither of them looked each other, but Cas nodded understandingly. "Let's go get some breakfast, yeah?"

Dean felt frustrated with himself. He didn't know what was going on in his head. He promised he wouldn't cuddle up with Cas again but there they were, sleeping in each other's arms and waking up like they'd just had sex. He couldn't and wouldn't act like that anymore. It just didn't make sense to him. Dean wasn't gay.

So why did he find himself wanting more of that close contact? And why was he now staring at Cas' ass?