Watching her with someone else always hurts Camila. She hates seeing Lauren cry whenever she and that no lip, soul sucking, tone deaf piece of shit get into a fight about something petty. The brown-eyed girl absolutely despises the way Lauren talks about Brad so fondly and always says she likes him so much. She's not supposed to be with him, she's supposed to be with Camila.
It's stupid to be so jealous. It's not like Lauren would ever want her. Camila is her best friend, nothing more. The brunette is the person she calls at 2 in the morning to cry about some fight she and her boyfriend got into, or the person she texts screenshots of their cute conversations to just so that she can freak out.
It doesn't help at all that Camila is madly, deeply, truly in love with her. That poor girl will walk on shards of glass, run through fire, and probably perform on stage all for Lauren.
The fact that she's so head over heels for this girl is absolutely pathetic. Lauren is as straight as an arrow, there's no chance of her and Camila becoming something, yet the younger girl's feelings have never diminished.
She longs to kiss those full lips and to fall asleep gazing into those bright emeralds that seem to hold galaxies. The most she ever gets is cuddling whenever Lauren sleeps over. Even then she's pretty sure that would instantly stop the moment Camila tells her she's gay, well bi.
So Camila stays silent. She allows herself to be the person that picks up the pieces after her best friend has had a fight with that no good boyfriend. She lets herself be the person to hold Lauren as she cries, sometimes she'll even kiss the older girl's head. Camila would do anything to protect this girl and it hurts like a bitch to watch her get her heart torn out and tossed around by some useless fuckboy.
She knows she'd treat Lauren's heart better if she got the chance. But she doesn't, and she never will, because Lauren is Lauren and Camila is Camila.
They're not meant to be.
-
They'd been best friends for years.
The five girls had met at summer camp when they were 11. They'd all been assigned to the same cabin and instantly clicked with each other. Dinah was the loud obnoxious one, Ally the quiet and peaceful one, Normani was the feisty leader, Lauren was the protective badass, and Camila was the dreamer.
Once the two week long camp was over they kept up with each other through email (Dinah was the only one with a phone at this time). They all constantly exchanged messages and ended up creating those extremely long email chains that are extremely annoying, but they dealt with that nuisance for each other.
Even though all of the girls lived in different towns besides Camila and Lauren (they'd gone to the same school for years but never realized it), they all managed to see each other at least once a month. They'd hang out in the shopping center of Dinah's town or sometimes go to the mall that was 10 minutes away from Normani's house, but most of the time they just hung out at Camila's house.
This constant hanging out during the school year and then spending time at camp together over the summer became routine and it only increased more as the girls aged. Now, at 17, the girls are as close as ever and none of them would have it any other way. Well, besides for Camila.
Camila realized she was different from a very young age. She was constantly chasing around cute boys and smiling at pretty girls. Her heart always fluttered whenever someone who she thought was funny grinned at her. It wasn't until she was 14 that she realized that all of these things were signs of crushes. Of course, she'd kissed boys and wondered about girls but she thought that was pretty normal. Well it wasn't.
The brown-eyed girl came out to herself after a long day of 8th grade. Her head had been reeling with thoughts of her own sexuality for months. She couldn't bare the thought of possibly being gay, or bisexual, or whatever. She was supposed to live the life her parents wanted: go to college, find a nice boy, marry him, have kids. There was no wiggle room to possibly change that nice boy to a nice girl, that's not how her parents worked.
Camila was straightening her hair when it happened (ironic right?). She'd been looking in the mirror, her brain swimming with thoughts of pretty girls and how maybe her girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence wasn't a girl crush so much as a regular crush, when she finally got the courage to say it. "I'm gay." It was a whisper and it wasn't completely true (she realized about 10 seconds later that she was actually bisexual), but it was the first time she'd ever said the words aloud and she panicked.
The knowledge that she was most definitely not straight made her sick to her stomach and she dropped her flat iron in the sink so that she could puke into the toilet. She didn't want to be this way. She didn't want to possibly fall for a girl. She didn't want any of this. From that moment on, Camila promised to herself that she wasn't going to be gay or bisexual or whatever, she was going to be straight.
Her promise to herself didn't last very long though. Exactly a week later she felt like she had to tell someone. Her mind had been racking out ideas on who to tell and only 4 names kept popping back up. She knew she couldn't tell Ally or Normani first. Sure, they may love her but they love Jesus a whole lot more. Lauren definitely could not be told either. Camila didn't know why at the time but the thought of telling Lauren about this just made her sick. Maybe it was the way she always happened to get lost in enchanting green eyes or how she could never really focus on anything because she was too busy staring at her pink lips, so no, she could not tell Lauren.
That left Dinah.
It was after a hilarious conversation in the group chat that held the five girls. Camila had been feeling anxious the entire conversation and had lacked in texting. She knew she needed to tell someone soon, so she put herself into a private chat with Dinah and just spilled everything.
She told her about the self-loathing and wanting to be normal, about how she constantly thought about kissing girls, how she could see herself marrying a guy as well as a girl. The feelings just erupted out of her and she couldn't stop, like a broken dam.
The Polynesian didn't even bat an eyelash. She told her she still loved her and that nothing would change that, she didn't give a fuck if Camila liked girls or not, that didn't change who she was as a person.
Fast forward to today and Dinah is still the only person that knows Camila's secret. She's the only one who knows of Camila's feelings for Lauren and just how jealous and angry she gets over all of the dumb boyfriends and annoying hookups. Lauren deserves better than some fuckboy who only likes her for her body. She deserves someone who will cherish her mind and challenge her and talk to her, not some boy who can't walk and breathe at the same time.
-
"Camz," the voice rings out in the quiet library and the short brunette feels a gentle tap on her shoulder. She raises her eyes from her book and smiles at her best friend, the girl she's in love with.
The emerald-eyed girl rolls her eyes at the younger girl. "Come on," she pulls her up from the chair and grabs her friend's things to pack into her backpack. "We have to get to lunch." She shoulders Camila's bag onto her back and leads her out of the small library and out into the still empty hallway.
"Wait, we like never have lunch together because you're always with Brad," Camila looks at her friend suspiciously, "what's going on?" She knows she shouldn't pry into Lauren's tumultuous relationship, that it's none of her business, but she can't help it.
The older girl sighs deeply and glances at Camila. "He and I got into a fight." She mutters it quietly, knowing that her words will more than likely trigger the soccer player to do something irrational. She knows Camila is protective of her and has made it very clear that she despises Brad, but she absolutely hates lying to her so she's just going to tell her the truth. Even is the reason for their fighting has to do with the younger girl.
The smaller girl clenches her jaw and tightens her hands into fists. "What'd he do this time?" Her anger towards the football player is basically radiating off of her. She hates that boy so fucking much. He's always blowing Lauren off or making her feel shitty about something, he doesn't deserve her at all.
Lauren blushes and looks down, and Camila can't help but smile for a moment at how cute she looks. She's so beautiful and the fact that Brad is hurting her in whatever way makes the anger in Camila rise once again. "He thinks I spend too much time with you."
Lauren regrets the words as soon as she's said them. She knows the look on Camila's face far too well, she feels guilty. Brad's words aren't even true though. Lauren spends almost every waking minute with him and actually only ever spends time with Camila if they're fighting. "Oh." The short girl mutters out, looking down at her shoes as they continue to walk to the cafeteria.
"I tried to tell him tha-," Lauren is cut off by Camila shaking her head. She can't help but wonder what she's thinking.
"No no it's fine, he's right for once. You should go and talk to him. I don't want to be ruining your relationship." Camila forces a small smile and peels her backpack off of Lauren's back and onto her own. She can't bare to look into those emerald eyes, she knows that she'll crack if she does.
She doesn't believe any of the bullshit she just said. Lauren and her hardly ever see each other now. They only have two classes together and half of the time Lauren's talking to Brad in one of them, and the rest of the time they're together it's with the other girls on their monthly 'hang out weekends'. But she has to do this. Brad makes her happy, she loves Brad, and Camila loves Lauren, so she can deal with this.
"I'll text you." Camila says finally, brushing off her uniform skirt before walking in the opposite direction, leaving her friend in some empty hallway.
-
Camila is lying on her bed, her body turned towards the window that displays the setting sun. She got back from soccer practice two hours ago and still hasn't had the motivation to do anything besides lie on her bed.
Her phone buzzes loudly and she grabs at it, assuming it's one of the girl's in the group chat.
lern jergi (7:02 PM)
guys which should I post for mine and brad's 2 month anniversary?
The brown-eyed girl can't help but roll her eyes. Of course, even when she's not with Brad, she's talking about him. Camila looks back at her phone and stares at the two photos. The first is of the two of them at some carnival, Lauren is on his back and is holding a stuffed turtle that Camila won for her but ultimately have to Brad to give to his girlfriend. Their smiles are wide and they look so happy, it makes Camila sick.
The second photo is a lower quality close up of the two of them. Lauren is burrowing her face into his neck and the faces are scrunched up adorably. Camila remembers the photo, she was right beside Lauren when she took it.
The third and final photo is of the couple after one of Brad's football games. His hair is damp and messy from his helmet and he looks like a giant with all of his gear on. Lauren is kissing his cheek while one leg is popped up in the air.
All three photos make Camila's heart ache with jealousy. She wants to take pictures with Lauren like that. They'd take cute selfies and post-game pictures and Camila would get Lauren every fucking prize she could ever want. Tears well in her eyes at the fact that she'll never be able to do that and she locks her phone, not bothering to reply.
Only a few miles away, Lauren sits on the couch of her game room, animatedly texting in the group chat with her best friends. She notices that Camila is obviously on her phone because she's reblogging a ton of stuff on her Tumblr but hasn't replied in the group chat. She doesn't know why, but the knowledge annoys her. Camila is totally up for reblogging Orange is the New Black gifs and dumb text posts but she can't be bothered to reply to a question she asked in the group chat.
Frustratedly, she sends a text in the chat.
(7:10 PM)
Camz what do u think?
It takes about thirty seconds and an added "^^^" from Ally until Camila replies.
Camzi (7:11 PM)
the first one's cute I guess
"I guess?" Lauren asks herself aloud. She doesn't know why she's getting so pissed about this. Maybe it's because usually Camila is her and Brad's main supporter. While the younger girl may hate him most of the time, she usually does say their relationship is cute and things like that. Maybe Lauren can help her get a boyfriend like Brad.
lern jergi (7:13 PM)
you guess? what are we not cute enough for you?
Camila rolls her eyes and slams her hands down onto the mattress in frustration. She should've just responded with "the second one is cute af" or something simple like that. Most of the time she can lie through text extremely easily, even easier than face to face.
The soccer player decides to just apologize so that no one gets suspicious and bugs her about it later. She doesn't want Lauren mad at her. If there's one thing she can't deal with, it's having her best friend be angry at her.
(7:16 PM)
sorry, im just tired. I didnt mean to come off as a bitch. you and Brad look really cute in the first one. it's cute that he won you that prize
A sigh escapes Camila and she decides to just lock her phone and start up her homework. She knows she'll be staying up until 2AM if she doesn't start all of her work now.
-
It's 11:13 when Camila finishes up all of her work. She only had one class she had to do work for but it was Creative Writing so she put in a ton of work. Also she'd put the work off for two weeks simply out of laziness so it took her a while to finish the second half of the assignment.
Her assignment was to write a 20,000 word story on something personal. The one hook was that the characters had to be part of the LGBTQ+ community so that the students could try writing something out of their comfort zone.
Camila has basically written an extremely long journal entry about her feelings for Lauren and changed the names of the characters. She's made herself into a girl named Callie and Lauren is named Lexi. It's not very creative but no one knows she's in love with Lauren so no one will catch her.
She prints out the 50 page story and places it in her writing folder and back into her backpack, excited for her teacher to read it. Ms. Lovato is constantly praising Camila on her work and having her send things in for the school's Reflections and has even told her to pursue writing in college. Camila is almost certain that she's going to and she's happy she'll have Ms. Lovato to support her through that.
A loud pinging pulls Camila away from her backpack and she lunges for her phone. A text from Dinah lights up her screen and the brunette unlocks her phone to read it.
China (11:15 PM)
yo chancho r u alright? I know u arent sleepy and all that shit u said in the GC. what happened w Lo?
A small smile tugs at Camila's face. Of course Dinah can see right through her, she should've known.
(11:16 PM)
idk I just got so pissed that Lauren is so infatuated with him when he's obviously a sack of shit and ugh it's just so frustrating
The young girl sighs and looks at the photo on her bedside table. It's a picture she and the four other girls took on their first day of camp before this school year. Camila is in the middle, her arms around Lauren and Ally and Normani is right beside the emerald-eyed girl and Dinah is on the opposite end. They all look so care free and happy. Before Brad and before Camila started letting her feelings get the best of her.
Her buzzing phone tears Camila's attention away from the photo once again.
China (11:19 PM)
u wanna talk about it?
The older girl sighs deeply and closes her eyes for a moment. She wants to vent about how frustrated she is but she really doesn't want to bug Dinah. The Polynesian has been listening to her passionate rants for years, she doesn't need that right now.
(11:20 PM)
no it's cool. I'm gonna go to bed. good night cheechee
China (11:20 PM)
good night mila. feel better
-
It's been 2 weeks since the uncomfortable group chat conversation. Lauren didn't bring it up at school the next day so Camila assumed they were fine. Well, as fine as a girl who's fallen for her very straight best friend who happens to have a dick bag boyfriend can be.
The soccer player has been spending her lunch periods in the library as usual. Lauren and Brad have been sailing smoothly so she's been eating with him and his friends, essentially abandoning Camila. She knows it's a bitch move but the younger girl told her to spend more time with Brad, she's just listening to her orders.
After every class Camila continues to head to Lauren's classroom and wait for her so that she can walk her to class. It's something she's done forever, and it gives her at least a little bit of time to spend with Lauren, even if the softball player spends the time gushing over her boyfriend.
To essentially numb herself to the feelings she's continued developing, Camila simply hooks up with a lot of guys. This has been her coping mechanism since freshman year. She's trying to kill her emotions for Lauren by finding some guy who can make her feel the same. It never works though. The guys she sleeps with don't have lips that are plush and pink like Lauren does, they don't have her smile, and they most definitely don't have her curves.
She knows her friends are worried about her. Ally and Normani constantly tell her that she could end up pregnant and Dinah tells her to stop hurting herself like this. All of them know that as soon as Camila is done with a hook up she ends up hating herself for letting them touch her, but she continues to do it to drive away thoughts of her best friend.
Lauren seems to always shake her head disapprovingly at the younger girl when she finds out about her latest sexcapade. It's dangerous and unhealthy and she knows it's slowly ruining Camila's reputation. There's something else there though, a tugging in her gut every time Camila mentions a new guy. She gets angry and frustrated but she doesn't know why, most likely because Camila is so sought after, but she's not sure.
"So where'd you run off to at the party on Saturday?" Lauren whispers to her friend. They're sitting in Physics class together, having finished with the lab packet that was assigned 15 minutes ago. They only have a few minutes left of class so they're wasting it by catching up.
The younger girl picks at one of the buttons on her uniform polo and shrugs. "Conor wanted to go outside to vape and he asked for some company, so I went." It's a simple and truthful answer, Camila not having the energy to come up with anything more elaborate.
"You should've asked me and Brad to come with you guys, he and Conor are super close friends." Lauren is sure that Camila knows this, so why didn't the girl ask them too? She, Camila, and Brad were all together at the party, she had assumed that they were going to stay as a group. If her suspicions are correct though, she knows exactly why Camila didn't invite her and Brad out there too.
The brown-eyed girl shrugs once again. "You two were busy sucking faces on the couch, I was getting uncomfortable and didn't want to watch it so I left y'all alone and went with Conor. Why are you grilling me about this anyway?"
The older girl rolls her eyes and shoves her friend playfully. "Because you'll bone anything with a pulse and I'm sure that's what you did with Conor." She means it jokingly but her words cause a sting in Camila's heart.
Of course she'd assume that.
The brunette tightens her hands into fists and keeps them resting in her lap. Tears prick at her eyes and she can feel her throat tightening. Camila's always known that Lauren thinks she's easy, but hearing her voice it is much more painful than she could've ever imagined. She hates disappointing Lauren like this, she hates what she does to herself, but she has to do it. The temporary moments where those emerald eyes are out of her head are both relieving and painful. For just a moment she can forget about the heartache and being in love with someone who'll never want you, and a moment is better than nothing.
"I knew it." She whispers out, her body shaking as a way to let some of her self-loathing out.
Lauren instantly realizes what she's done wrong and she places her hand on Camila's to calm her down. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just don't want you getting crabs or something."
The bell rings loudly, signaling lunch time. Camila slips her hand out of Lauren's grasp and collects her things. "I should get going then, I don't want you catching any of my crabs." She turns away and heads towards the door, looking back she gives her a sad look. "I didn't do anything with him, just so you know."
Lauren watches as the younger girl shuffles away, shouldering her backpack and heading out the door. She wants to chase her and apologize but she has lunch with Brad, and she can't miss that.
-
"Camila can I talk to you for a moment?" Miss Lovato calls out to the young soccer player. Her dark eyes rise from where she's been blankly staring at her sheet of notebook paper and she locks eyes with the woman. The teacher beckons her forward with a soft smile and Camila stands, uncomfortable with the fact that she knows all eyes are on her right now.
Once she arrives at her teacher's desk she swallows thickly. "Yes Miss Lovato?" Her brain is overloading with possible scenarios of what she's done wrong. Oh shit she probably wants to tell me I failed that assignment, her brain tells her, and she's instantly on edge.
The older woman pulls out the short story from a manila folder and smiles at her, showing her the grade. A big fat 100 sits at the top of the paper, written in purple ink.
"I wanted to personally talk to you about this piece Camila. It's absolutely raw and heart wrenching and you captured the sense of what being in love with a straight girl is like perfectly." Her words resonate in the brunette's brain and she can't help but grin proudly. At least there's one bright spot in today's events. "I wanted to ask if it's okay with you if I send this into the Young Writers Conference? I think you have a real shot at winning with this piece of work."
Camila thinks it over for a minute. This is a chance to be recognized nationally for her writing, something she's dreamed of since she could pick up a pen. Then again, she'd be exploiting her feelings for her best friend just for some recognition and money. Oh fuck it, she thinks. "Yeah, that'd be amazing ma'am."
Miss Lovato nods her head and places the story back down on top of the folder, essentially dismissing the student. "Oh and one more thing," she calls Camila back over to her desk so that she can talk to her without fear of any most students hearing her. "I hope that one day this girl realizes just how good you are for her. You deserve happiness Camila, don't forget that." She winks once before sending the student off again, a sad smile on the younger girl's lips.
-
It's a pleasant surprise when Camila finds out that she's home alone for the weekend the moment she gets home. Her parents are with Sofi on a Girl Scouts retreat and she couldn't be more thankful for the peace and quiet.
She has no homework for the weekend since she finished it during her lunch so that she could distract herself from Lauren's words. In all honesty, she doesn't know if she's pissed at Lauren from assuming that she had sex with Conor or upset with herself for giving Lauren the reason to make the assumption.
She decides to text her friend, wanting to apologize for her weird behavior and tell her that everything's okay.
The message is about to be sent out into the world when she hears a knock at the front door. Camila races down the stairs and opens the door to see a bashful Lauren standing there. "Hey," Camila breathes out, relieved to see her best friend at the door.
"Hi," Lauren says quietly, "c-can I come in?" Her eyes are darting from left to right and she seems so nervous it's adorable.
The younger girl opens the door up even more and allows Lauren entrance to the house. "You know you don't have to ask Laur, you basically live here." The bright smile that graces Lauren's lips makes Camila's heart do a flip in her chest.
"So what's up?" Camila asks curiously, closing the door and instantly leading the softball player to her room. They both make it inside and Lauren automatically plops onto the bed while the other girl drops into her desk chair.
The older girl fidgets with the fabric of her jeans nervously, having changed out of her uniform when she got home. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier today. It was totally out of line and a bitch move and I didn't mean to hurt you. I am so sorry Camz."
A thankful smile places itself into Camila's lips and she crosses the room so that she can wrap her arms around her friend. She buries her face into Lauren's shoulder and smiles against her shirt. "It's okay Laur, you didn't mean it maliciously."
"How're you so forgiving?" Lauren asks playfully, her hands running through Camila's thick locks.
The younger girl has to bite her cheek to suppress a moan when Lauren tugs on a knot. The arousal shoots through her body and she has to take a deep breath to steady herself. "I guess I just have a weak spot for you," Camila replies honestly, wishing that Lauren understood the full intensity of her words.
"Well I'm glad," the green-eyed girl mutters, slowly pulling away. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if you were mad at me."
Camila takes a moment to reach Lauren's eyes, worried that she'll get lost in the galaxies within them instead of responding to her friend. "I could never stay mad at you Lo, that's like me not eating pizza, it's impossible."
The older Latina's heart grows warm at her friend's admission and she hugs her once again. "I love you Camzi."
Lauren's words make Camila's heart clench and she lets out a sad sigh that she's sure Lauren thinks is full of content. The older girl doesn't realize just how much she's hurting Camila by saying these words. She means them in one way while her best friend means them in another, but she'll never know that. "I love you too Laur."
-
lern jergi (6:46 PM)
dude are you free to hang out tonight?
Camila's eyes widen in surprise as she reads the text. Of course, she and Lauren hang out together sometimes on the weekends, but the older girl's time is often spent with her boyfriend. Camila isn't dumb though, she's not going to waste an opportunity for some time with Lauren.
(6:47 PM)
yeah I'm free. what'd u have in mind?
About 6 seconds later, Camila hears her doorbell ring. She rolls her eyes and stands from her piano bench, "I'll get it!" She calls out to no one in particular, remembering that her family went out for dinner but she stayed in to practice piano.
"Took you long enough," Lauren mutters as Camila opens the door for her and she steps out of the nippy air and into the warm house. She rubs her bare arms with her hands, trying to quickly warm her body.
The younger girl closes the door and rolls her eyes at her friend. "How did you know I'd be here?"
A blush creeps up into Lauren's cheeks and she averts her gaze towards one of the family photos on the wall. "I was..uh.. kind of just blindly hoping you'd be here since I know you have a soccer game tomorrow morning that you probably don't want to be hungover for."
"I wouldn't have been hungover," Camila retorts playfully, sticking her tongue out at Lauren.
"Maybe stoned though." She laughs at the image in her head, "I can't even imagine myself stoned during soccer, I'd fuck up so much."
"Well thank god you're not gonna be then, we need you playing to take the school to championships. Coach Cowell would shit himself if the team finally won." Lauren's interest in the sport makes Camila's heart flutter. She really does pay attention during her games.
Instead of responding, Camila simply shakes her head in acknowledgement, laughing at her friend. She takes the girl's hand, pushing down the butterflies she feels at the touch, and leads her up to her room.
The two girls fall onto the bed and stare up at the blank ceiling. Their breathing and giggles mingle together as the simply take in each other's presence. It's been a month since Lauren showed up unexpectedly at Camila's house after accidentally hitting the girl. Both have been back to normal. Lauren has been spending a majority of time with Brad while Camila has been focusing a lot on soccer and her writing. The only time they've hung out together besides today is when they had their big 'squad weekend' together at Normani's house.
For the next thirty minutes, the girls just talk about nothing and everything. Lauren manages to not bring up Brad at all and Camila keeps her longing glances to a minimum. The shorter girl even manages to play Lauren a song she's been working on, and the other girl praises her tremendously, obviously in love with her friend's voice.
"So, not that I'm not completely ecstatic at the fact of hanging with my best friend tonight, but what made you want to hang out?" Camila asks after a few moments of comfortable silence. She's just finished telling Lauren the dumbest story ever and they've been relishing in each other's presence. But, they just hung out over the weekend and they've had their 2 classes together all week, Lauren should be sick of Camila by now. One part of the younger girl's brain knows that Lauren is simply with her because Brad is most likely busy, but a bigger part of her is hoping that the girl just wants to spend the night with her. Maybe they could cuddle and watch some movies together as they eat pizza, that would be Camila's dream.
The emerald-eyed girl yawns for a moment before responding. "Brad was going to the football banquet so I decided to hang out here." Her words, all though well-intentioned, drive a knife through Camila's heart. Of course Lauren, her best friend, would rather spend a Friday night with the boyfriend she's constantly with, rather than her best friend who she seems to be constantly putting aside.
The Cuban pushes those negative thoughts away. She's not going to ruin her night in with her best friend just because she's butthurt about not being Lauren's first choice. Instead, she decides decides to talk about the one thing that they love more than each other, camp.
"I got my Ranger letter yesterday," Camila says suddenly, not wanting to even have to converse about Brad. "I wonder what cabin they're gonna assign me to."
A smile creeps up onto Lauren's lips. "I read my letter when I got home today. I'm so excited to be a Ranger, and then next year we get to be actual counsellors. Holy shit." Lauren breathes out that last two words, her brain swimming with thoughts of camp and every fun thing that could possibly occur.
"It feels like it was just yesterday that we were Utopians," Camila smiles at the memories she made as a Utopian. Those are the older girls, ages 12-14, and they were such assholes. "Do you remember when we switched out counselors toothpaste for Vagisil?"
Lauren chuckles at the memory. The shriek her counselor made when she put it in her mouth was the funniest sound the older girl has ever heard. "I wonder if Dinah still has that video."
Camila raises a brow and her hands fly to her phone, texting the youngest of the group and asking her for the video.
"Oh my god," Lauren calls out, a gigantic smile on her face. "Do you remember when the entire girls side of camp covered the boy's cabins with pads?" The memory never fails to make Lauren crack up, the look of sheer horror on the boy's faces is something she'll never forget.
The two girls spend the next hour simply reminiscing on their earlier years at camp. The whole conversation is hyping them up for the summer to come, and it's only November.
"I'm thinking of asking Brad to come to camp with us," Lauren tells her best friend, a look of sheer excitement on her features.
Camila feels like she's been punched in the heart. Camp is the one thing Brad hasn't tainted with his presence. The two girls no longer have lunch, or after school, or class really, all they have left is camp, and now Lauren wants him there.
To show that she doesn't agree with the idea, Camila looks at her with concern. "Lo, it's November, we still have a lot of time for you to consider telling him about it." She doesn't want to anger Lauren with her words, but she has to put her foot down at some point.
The softball player raises a thick brow. "What do you mean?"
A sigh escapes the younger girl, she doesn't want to say it, but she has to. "What if you two break up later on in the year? What happens is he's already signed up for camp?" She doesn't want to think it, but she really hopes Lauren sees just how bad Brad is for her. He's inconsiderate and selfish and way too dumb for someone as smart as Lauren, the guy can't handle the deep conversations Lauren likes, Camila knows this because the other girl complains about it constantly.
"Camz I know you're looking out for me, but I love him, we're not gonna break up any time soon." And just like that, the brunette's heart shatters. Love. She loves him. Lauren doesn't love her, she loves her piece of shit, no top lip, sad excuse for a boyfriend.
The short girl's hands tighten into fists and she fights against her constricting throat. "Oh," she whimpers out, looking down at her heads so that Lauren can't see the tears glistening in them.
Lauren may be oblivious to her friend's feelings toward her, but she's not oblivious to how she's acting right now. "Camz what's wrong?" She doesn't know why her words have affected her like this, if anything, she thought Camila would be ecstatic for her.
"N-nothing," Camila breathes in shakily, "I'm fine." She doesn't lift her eyes up to meet Lauren's though, her tears are about to fall and she doesn't want the other girl to see that.
The older girl stands up from the desk chair that she moved to during some point in the last hour and a half and sits down beside Camila on the floor. "Camzi," her hand tucks a stray curl behind the brown-eyed girl's ear, "what's wrong?"
"I'm fine!" Camila snaps out, not wanting to feel the fluttering heart and butterflies she got at Lauren's touch. "It's just PMS." Her words are softer this time, not wanting Lauren to think she's mad at her.
Her friend shakes her head and clucks her tongue. "You had your period last week at Mani's house, you're not PMSing. Just tell me what's wrong," she rests her head against Camila's shoulder, "please?"
A bitter chuckle leaves Camila's lips and she rolls her eyes at herself. "You'd never speak to me again if I told you," her response is filled with a palpable sadness and it makes Lauren's heart clench.
"You're my best friend Camz, I'm not gonna run away. Just tell me what's wrong." Her words instantly turn Camila to mush and the shorter girl feels a wave of tears over take her and she lets them fall slowly, tainting her tan cheeks with sadness.
Lauren, Dinah, and Miss Lovato's words scramble around in Camila's head, confusing her. She wants to tell the older girl, maybe there's a possibility of giving themselves a try, but she knows that'll never happen. Lauren has only ever shown interest in guys, fuckboys to be exact. So why would she ever fall for Camila?
She can't continue lying to Lauren though. There's something going on and Camila can't just deny that to Lauren. It's one thing to feign happiness for her best friend's relationship, it's another thing to flat out lie about how she's feeling.
"I'm sorry," Camila chokes out, being racked with a harsh sob. She leans forward, out of Lauren's touch and hugs her arms around herself. Her entire body aches along with her heart. She just wants to be able to hold the other girl and tell her she loves her and make her happy. But Lauren doesn't love her, she loves Brad.
The raven-haired girl looks at her best friend with concern and confusion. "What're you sorry for?" Her mind races with possible scenarios that she could be apologizing for. Camila isn't the type to just break down crying for no reason, she must've done something seriously fucked up to be acting like this. The one thing that comes to mind makes Lauren's blood run cold and she scoots away from the other girl. "Camila," she croaks out, "what the fuck did you do?"
The bitterness in Lauren's tone causes the other girl to look up in confusion. Her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are bloodshot. She doesn't reply and that seems to be enough for Lauren to stand up and back away from her.
"Did you sleep with Brad?" Lauren asks finally, her voice filled with hurt and malice. This is the only possible thing that Lauren can think her best friend would be apologizing for. Camila gets drunk and sleeps with a lot of guys, maybe she slept with Brad on accident.
The fact that Lauren still can't see why she's apologizing makes Camila roll her eyes. Of course her friend would only be thinking about Brad while she's here sobbing on the floor about how sorry she is for falling for her. "No." She breathes out shakily, still not looking up at the other girl.
"Then why the fuck are you apologizing?" Lauren replies harshly, not sure if she believes Camila's response.
Instantly, the shorter Latina pops to her feet, her eyes widening in shock at her best friend. "You still don't get it do you?" Camila asks her quietly. There's no anger or pain, just numbness, like every possible emotion has been sucked out of her. The other girl just stared at her, lost and confused.
That sets Camila off. Years of frustration and unrequited love and self loathing spill out of Camila like she's a fountain. "I love you Lauren, you. You love Brad the way I love you. That's why I'm sorry. I never meant to fall for you but I did, I fucking hate myself for it. I fell for a girl who will never in her life love me back and now I'm fucked because I know for a fact I'm making you uncomfortable.
"Watching you with him makes me so fucking angry and I can't stand the fact that you're so head over heels for him while I'm here, picking up fragments of your heart every time he does something to hurt you. I'm the one who stitches you back together after a fight with him and you just go right back to him while I wait for it to happen again." Tears are freely falling down her face as she yells at her friend, who appears to be petrified.
"I've loved you since I realized I was bisexual. All those guys I sleep with are to forget about the way you make me feel. I hate that I'm in love with you, and I hate that you had to find out. I hate that I made this so fucking weird because I couldn't just be normal, I couldn't just be straight. And I'm sorry that you can't love me back. That's why I'm sorry." She lets out a shaky breath and looks the other girl directly in the eye.
Thoughts are racing around Lauren's head. Camila's in love with her. Her best friend is in love with her. The younger girl's speech replays in her head and she stares blankly, trying to figure every thing out.
"Please," Camila pleads, her small body shaking in fear, "please say something."
The older girl doesn't know what to do though. She needs time to figure all of this out, to comprehend how her friend feels. "I'm sorry," she croaks out finally.
Lauren turns away from the shorter girl and walks to Camila's bedroom door. She exits the room and runs down the stairs and out the front door. She has to get away from Camila, she can't think straight in this house. So she leaves the house and jumps into her car, not bothering to look at Camila, who's chasing after her.
Lauren pulls out of the driveway and speeds off home, leaving the younger girl in her front lawn, tears streaming down her face and a broken heart in her chest.
YOU ARE READING
My Favorite Camren One-Shots (Part 3)
Fiksi Penggemari do not own any of these stories. these are my favorite camren one-shots from 5hfanfiction and other sources.
