isolation [matty healy]

pt. 3: collab

i slept through the early afternoon. even amanda sneaking into the kitchen for breakfast didn't wake me up, but when it was well past lunchtime i finally started to sit up on the couch. my thoughts were foggy and i felt exhausted still, but i made myself get up anyway. me and amanda started chatting as she walked into the kitchen and offered to make us sandwiches for lunch. i accepted, and i told her about my interaction with the neighbor last night.

"he was really crying?" amanda asked, a little incredulously. "well, i know you're into that."

in moments like this i felt like telling amanda to shut up, but i know how she is. i know her background and how she was raised. i knew that her main view of crying was that it was a sign of weakness. she had gotten much better over the years, not outright insulting people for expressing themselves through tears, and eventually (i credit my own influence), finally caving and crying in front of me after like 8 years of friendship. sometimes she was still off-put when it was mentioned, but amanda is still the most caring and understanding person i know.

"anytime a person is deeply feeling, i'm definitely into that," i replied, making a point to wiggle my eyebrows, and we both laughed.

"i just think it's weird, but i guess he thought he was alone," she said. "are you trying to make a move on him?"

"absolutely not," i replied quickly. "i'm not interested in being the protagonist fighting for their life in the next dumpster fire of a Lifetime network movie. thanks." she laughed again.

"well, i'm just glad nothing went wrong then," she continued. "i hate to think of what kinds of trouble you could get into to on your own."

i eyed her suspiciously and said, "that sounds an awful lot like something someone would say before they're about to leave said person alone."

she made her classic, goofy, full-tooth smiley face at me, and i couldn't help but laugh. as we continued talking she explained that she and derek were getting quite desperate to see each other again, and since we had been in quarantine for so long, they both felt safe enough to to be with each other, and he had asked her to come stay with him for a few weeks during the summer. i was a little bummed, my co-dependent heart feeling slightly hurt, but i knew she deserved the time with him. so we finished talking, discussing a plan, and i assured her it was totally okay. then, wasting no time, i offered to help her pack some bags. we headed upstairs.

we'd known each other since we were teenagers, but i never got tired of her. we were so close that we were basically extensions of each other's personalities, and that is such a rare thing to find in a friend.

we listened to music while we packed. mainly she packed, and i cleaned up after her, to help her room stay at least a little bit organized. we're a team.

at some point she put on a boy band playlist, including one direction, and we ended up running around the room screaming the words like psychos. then in the next moment, we were quiet again, finishing up the last of the packing and straightening up.

"well," i said, in a mock downtrodden cowboy voice, "i guess this is farewell, partner."

"oh shut up," she said, pulling me in for a hug. "i'll be back in a few weeks. plus he's only 45 minutes away from here, so you are more than welcome to join us-"

"no thank you!" i interrupted, and we both started laughing. "i'd rather not have to hear you guys through the walls. remember i almost walked in on you guys-"

"forget it!!" we laughed again.

after a few more minutes of joking around, sprinkled in with hugs and genuine emotion, i helped carry out her bags to her car, we said goodbye, and then she was gone.