Blind Shot (ON-HOLD)

FIVE

A few hours ago.

Gabrielle grabbed the 1 liter juicebox from her bedside table while her eyes were fixed on the TV at saka tinungga iyon. To her disappointed, wala na pala itong laman.

Kinapa niya ang nagkalat na plastics ng junk foods sa kama, lahat wala na ding laman.

Ni-pause niya ang pinapanood sa Netflix at saka umalis ng kama upang lumabas ng kwarto. She headed to the fridge para muling madismaya. Because there was nothing to eat.

She checked the pantry at maliban sa iilang cup noodles ay wala na din itong laman.

"Mukhang sa gutom ako mamamatay, ah, at hindi sa heartbreak," ang malakas niyang wika.

Sa sobrang inis ay sumigaw siya ng malakas. Then she covered her mouth with her own hand when she realized na hindi ganoon ka soundproofed ang nirerentahang condo unit. Baka mapalayas pa sila nang wala sa oras.

Halos tatlong araw nang 'di umuuwi ng condo si Lana sa sobrang hectic sa ospital. Bigla tuloy siyang na-guilty.

They were both General Practitioner at pareho din silang naka-assign sa Emergency Room.

That reminded her na hanggang next day na lang ang approved leave of absence niya. Whether she like it or not, she had to go back to the hospital.

Pero tama na din naman siguro ang halos dalawang linggong pagmumukmok. Kailangan na niyang ituloy ang buhay, sa ayaw niya't sa gusto.

Thirty more minutes and she found herself in a taxi. Naisipan niyang lumabas para makapagrocery.

She wanted to grab a cup of her favorite frappe from Starbucks, too. So she took a quick bath, put on her favorite hoodie, and went out.

She was on Starbucks, sipping her favorite drink, and realizing how she missed being outside when she saw something on her phone. It was a short video clip sa IG story ni Andrea --- kapatid ni Drew. She saw him getting engaged with his new girlfriend.

Pakiwari ni Gabrielle ay biglang nanikip ang kanyang dibdib. She started trembling uncontrollably.

Tumayo siya, iniwan ang mga inorder sa mesa, at saka lumabas ng cafe. Tila wala sa sariling naglakad siya sa labas.

She started calling her friends one by one. Walang nasagot. Malamang busy lahat considering that they were all in the medical field.

She grabbed a taxi and before she knew it, nasa isang bar na siya at naglalasing mag-isa.

She stalked some more, cried even more, and drunk her sanity away.

Naparami ang inom niya at dahil hindi naman siya ganoon kasanay, agad siyang tinablan ng alak.

Ayaw pa sana niyang umalis ng bar ngunit may isa pang customer doon na pilit siyang kinakausap. Nakakabwisit.

Lalaki. Medyo lasing na din.

Kaya umalis siya ng bar at saka sumakay ng taxi kahit na hindi niya alam kung saan siya papunta.

She didn't want to go home just yet.

Then she saw it. The under construction condominium building kung saan sila kumuha ni Drew ng unit together. Mas mababa kasi ang presyo 'pag preselling.

In a flash ay bumalik lahat ng mga plano nila. Ang mag-invest ng condo together para may malipatan sila kapag nakasal na sila, ang mag-pursue ng residency together --- siya Pediatrics, si Drew naman Neurosurgery. Ang bumuo ng isang maliit ngunit masayang pamilya.

He said he wanted to have two kids, isang babae at isang lalaki. Putcha! Hindi naman siya na-inform na sa iba pala ito gagawa ng anak!

How can he ruin something they built for fifteen freakin' years just like that?!

Hindi niya alam ang nangyayari. Para siyang lutang na ewan. It must be the alcohol. Or her heartbreak. Or both.

Basta natagpuan na lang niya ang sariling bumaba ng taxi sa harap ng ginagawang condominium.

She didn't even know how she managed to pass by the constuction workers. Maybe because she's small and they're occupied.

Memories came flashing back on her mind as she made her way upstairs. Para siyang nanunood ng pelikula sa utak niya.

Makailang beses din siyang muntikan nang matisod dahil aside sa madilim at cellphone flashlight lang ang tanging nagbibigay liwanag sa daraanan niya, ang dami pang nagkalat na debris sa paligid.

But she made her way up to the third floor. She didn't know how but she did. And she did it while watching a "mini movie" in her mind kung saan siya ang bida. She was having flashbacks after flashbacks.

She didn't know how some things that happened so long ago can still feel so real. Because yes, she remembered every scene vividly like they only happened yesterday.

Ganoon nga siguro 'yon. Sabi nga nila, kapag malapit nang mamatay ang isang tao, maaalala niya lahat-lahat ng masasayang sandali ng buhay niya.

She remembered how she said "yes" to Drew on their third year in high school. Kung papano siya nito na-convince na magdu-doktor sila pagdating ng araw. How they took premed together. Kung papano siya nagdalawang-isip na ituloy ang pagmi-med right before they applied for NMAT or National Medical Admission Test kasi naduwag siya. How he cheered her up and brought her confidence back. How happy they were when they both passed the exam. 'Yong mga struggles nila during the medical school proper. How ecstatic and hopeful they were when they finally graduated med school together. How they had post-graduate internship together. How they prepared for the board exam --- and passed --- together.

Yes, for the past fifteen years, they do everything to.. ge.. ther.

F*ck!!! Fifteen years 'yon, eh! Fifteen f*ckin' years! How can he just threw all those years away?!

And no they're not yet done! She still had to pursue Pediatrics while he had to study Neurosurgery!

"P*tang*na ka, Drew! Nang-iiwan ka sa ere!" she screamed between sobs.

Hindi niya alam kung kailan siya nagsimulang umiyak, na-realize na lang niyang hilam na ang mga pisngi niya sa sariling luha.

Para siyang baliw. Iiyak. Sisigaw. Tatahimik. Tatawa nang mapakla. Ta's iiyak ulit.

She felt so lost right now. Hindi niya ma-imagine ang future nang mag-isa.

Kapag tatalon ba siya dito mamamatay siya? Kapag namatay ba siya pagsisisihan ni Drew ang ginawa nito? Iiwan ba nito ang babaeng iyon? 

Kapag namatay ba siya mari-realize ni Drew ang kahalagahan niya?

She started screaming again. Ang totoo'y hindi na niya alam ang pinagsasabi niya. She was cursing him and wailing at the same time.

Her vision was blurred. Her thinking was not clear. Her chest felt like it was about to explode.

And she felt like her whole life ends here. Dahil wala siyang makita ahead. It felt like she had come to a dead-end.

With trembling hands and shaky legs, she helped herself up a barrier. Nope, she didn't want to die. She just wanted to end all these pain.

Because she didn't deserve them.

But the moment she managed to pull herself up, something strong grabbed her from the back and pulled her down.

Before she knew it, she was down on the floor with her abductor.