Blind Shot (ON-HOLD)

TEN

Zach watched as she sips her coffee absentmindedly. She looked like she's in a deep thought.

Naroon sila sa may nakahilirang upuan malapit sa coffee vending machine.

"I'm sorry kung hindi kita naalala agad," aniya upang basagin ang katahimikang namamagitan sa kanila.

He was holding his own cup of coffee pero hindi siya umiinom mula dito. He was just lightly swirling it around.

"No, no, it was okay. It was probably trauma. I understand," anito.

Katahimikan ulit.

"W-why... why did you say that... I mean, naalala ko, you said something like... ilang gabi mo akong iniyakan... I mean, why?" he asked her.

Nakatitig siya dito pero ayaw naman siya nitong tingnan. Her eyes were fixed on her coffee.

She took a small sip from her cup first, swirled it aroud a bit, before she started talking.

"I was on my first year of being a General Practitioner. Kakapasa ko lang ng board exam. She's... she's the first patient that I lost," anito.

Hindi siya nakasagot. Nakatitig lang siya dito.

"Though, technically, she's dead on ---" She stopped midsentence and looked at him.

Nagtama ang kanilang mga paningin at nakita niya ang samu't saring emosyon sa mga mata nito.

"Is it okay to talk about her?" anito.

"Yeah, of course," aniya dito.

"Though, technically, she's dead on arrival," she continued "I really did try to revive her. God knows I did. But... but I couldn't do it," she stopped to sip on her coffee again.

He kept staring at her. He saw as she struggled to pull those words out of her memory.

She looked at him and smiled. No, it was not a happy smile. It was more of a bitter smile.

Pagkatapos ay muli nitong itinuon ang mga mata sa hawak-hawak nitong kape bago muling nagsalita.

"Hindi ko makalimutan 'yong sinabi mong I was such an incompetent doctor," she said with so much pain. "It kept ringing in my head for a few days. I kept asking myself kung... kung ginawa ko ba lahat ng makakaya ko para mailigtas ang asawa mo. Parang... parang nawalan ako ng kompyansa sa sarili."

"I'm sorry." The words escaped his mouth even before he realized.

"No, it was okay," anito habang tinapunan siya ng mabilis na tingin. "Believe me, I've heard worse things than that after that. Naranasan kong mamura, naitulak pa nga ako minsan no'ng pamilya ng pasyente."

"It was just my first time kaya... kaya masyado kong dinamdam," she continued. "Somehow, it made a blow on my confidence that time. I was young, I was naive, I was fresh out of med school. But I am better now. I have toughened. The last three years made me accept the fact na doctor lang kami, hindi kami Diyos. Our capacity is limited."

Katahimikan.

"I am sorry for not being able to save your wife," anito sa mahinang boses habang nakatitig sa kawalan.

He took a quick sip from his now cold coffee.

"There's nothing to say sorry about. I asked you to do an impossible thing," aniya sa pagak na boses. "I wasn't actually blaming you. I was more of blaming myself for not being able to save her. Imagine she's going through something at hindi ko man lang napansin? Anong klaseng asawa naman ako, 'di ba?"

His voice was a little shaky.

He heard her heaved a deep sigh.

"It was crazy," anito kasabay ng isang mapaklang tawa.

"Ang alin?" aniya.

"How you suspected me of being fake both times we met," she said sabay tapon sa wala nang laman nitong paper cup sa pinakamalapit na basurahan. Shoot!

"I agree we're off to a bad start," aniya dito. "But that doesn't mean that we can not have a fresh start anymore."

She looked at him. Confused.

He extended his right hand and said, "It's my pleasure to meet you. I'm Architect Mendoza but you can call me Zachary."

Tumawa ito bago tinanggap ang pakikipagkamay niya. "You can call me Gabrielle and I'm a doctor. A legit one," anito.

That made him laugh, too.

Katahimikan ulit.

"Are you okay now?" aniya dito.

"Huh?"

"Have you... have you met with a psychologist already?"

Nakipagtitigan lang ito sa kanya.

He was about to say that it's okay if she doesn't want to answer when her phone rung.

It was a call from the ER. Agad itong nagpaalam at saka dali-daling umalis.

He watched as she disappeared from his sight.