Blind Shot (ON-HOLD)

ELEVEN

One week later. 

Umaalingawngaw ang iyak ng bata sa loob ng emergency room. Mula sa table na kinauupuan ni Gabrielle ay kita niya ang batang inaalo ng nanay nito habang ini-examine ng resident pediatrician ng ospital. Siguro'y wala pa sa dalawang taong gulang ang bata. Babae, naka-pink.

"It's okay, it's okay," narinig niyang wika no'ng pedia. "You'll feel better soon. It's okay."

"Shhhh, mommy's here, mommy's here," anang nanay no'ng bata habang inihehele ang bata kahit may nakakabit na suwero dito. 

Tuloy lang ang pagsasayaw no'ng nanay do'n sa bata habang nakikinig sa mga bilin no'ng pedia. 

Ilang minuto matapos makaalis 'yong pedia ay tumigil na rin sa kakaiyak 'yong bata. Pero tuloy pa din 'yong nanay sa kakasayaw dito. 

"Okay ka lang, doc?" 

Awtomatiko siyang napabaling sa nagtanong na nurse. She didn't realized that she had been staring at them for too long.

"Y-yeah, I'm good," aniya.

She check the time. It's 12:06 in the morning. The ER's not busy tonight, thankfully.

"Kape lang ako. Tawagan mo na lang ako 'pag may emergency," aniya nang tumayo mula sa kanyang mesa. 

She went out of the ER and went straight to the doctor's lounge. 

Inabutan niyang natutulog si Lana sa may couch kaya pinilit niyang 'wag gumawa ng ingay. Ngunit nagising pa din ito noong gumagawa siya ng kape.

"Nagising ba kita? Sorry," aniya.

"It's okay," ang pupungas-pungas nitong wika. "Medyo masakit lang ang ulo ko kanina kaya pinilit kong mag-nap kahit thirty-minutes lang."

"Coffee?" she offered. 

"Yes, please," anito.

So Gabrielle made two cups of coffee instead. 

"Lan?" aniya pagkuwan. She sat on the couch across her.

"Yes?" Lana said as she sipped from her steaming hot cup of coffee. 

"I want to have a baby," she said as she kept stirring her own cup. 

Natigil ito sa ginagawang pag-inom at saka tumitig sa kanya.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" anito. 

"I wanted a baby," pag-uulit niya. 

Inilapag nito ang hawak na mug sa center table na nasa pagitan nila. She looked dead serious. 

"What are planning to do? Go after Drew and ask him to get you pregnant? Sa tingin mo ba babalik siya sa'yo kapag nabuntis ka?" anito.

"No, no, no," she opposed. "Of course, not."

"Then what?"

"I just want to have a baby. It doesn't have to be Drew's."

"Wait, wait. What do you mean it doesn't have to be Drew's? So, kanino ka magpapabuntis?!" Nakakunot na ang noo nito.

Nagkibit-balikat siya sabay sabing, "I dunno. Kahit sino. Madami namang lalaki d'yan."

"What?! Are you out of mind?!" Lana exclaimed. "Wait. Did you even visited Dr. Cua's clinic? 'Di ba nag-set na ako ng appointment mo do'n? Hindi mo ba sinipot?" ang sunod-sunod nitong tanong. She was referring to her friend, 'yong Psychologist.

"I... I was busy," aniya. 

Lana rolled her eyes while heaving a deep sigh.

"I'm okay, don't worry," aniya dito.

"No, you're not."

"I am."

"No you're not. Sino ba naman ang nasa tamang pag-iisip ang makikipagrelasyon sa kung sinu-sino para lang makaganti sa ex niyang manluluko? Tell me." She crossed her arms across her chest.

"No, you got me wrong," she opposed. "I am not doing this for Drew. I am doing this for myself. I really wanted a baby." 

"You're kidding me." Iiling-iling ito. 

"Plus who says I am going to get myself into a relationship?" ang wika pa ni Gabrielle. "No. I said I wanted a baby. I didn't say I wanted a boyfriend."

"So saan tayo hahanap ng tatay? Sa sperm bank?" anito. 

"Mahal. 'Di ko afford," she said.

"Ohmigod, I was just being sarcastic!" Lana exclaimed in sheer frustration. 

"Well, I'm serious."

"So magpapabuntis ka kung kani-kanino? Gano'n?"

"I dunno. I haven't thought of that yet. Basta ang alam ko lang gusto ko ng baby."

"Oh, please, Gabbi. Don't do this to yourself. You're not on your right mind right now. Please don't do something na pagsisisihan mo balang araw."

"I won't. Promise, I won't," she insisted. "You know me. Hindi ako gumagawa ng kahit na ano na hindi ako sigurado."

"Yeah, exactly!" ang pagsang-ayon nito. "I know you. Ikaw iyong tipo ng taong hindi gumagawa ng kahit na ano nang hindi ito pinagpaplanuhan nang husto. Gusto mo lahat planado, up to the littlest details. You're not someone who do spur-of-the-moment decisions. This is so not you."

"This is not a spur-of-the-moment decision. Ilang araw ko na 'tong pinag-iisipan," she defended herself.

"Ilang araw? This is not something na pwede mong pag-isipan ng ilang araw lang. This is such a big decision."

"I know, I know," she said. "I don't know how to say this but I feel it. Here," aniya habang itinuturo ang sariling dibdib. "This is something that I want to do. For myself."

"Ohmigod, you're driving me crazy right now," anang kaibigan na tila naluluka na sa itinatakbo ng kanilang usapan. 

Sasagot pa sana siya nang sabay na nag-ring ang kanilang mga cellphone. It's an emergency call from the ER. Takbuhan sila palabas ng doctors' lounge. 

Halos sabay din silang nakarating ng ER. 

"What happened?" ani Lana sa mga nurses.

"Code blue, doc," ang sagot no'ng isang nurse. 

There was chaos in the ER. 

"Female, age not confirmed ---"

Tumambad sa paningin ni Gabrielle ang isang duguang babae. Humihinga pa ito pero hirap na hirap na. Naliligo ito sa sariling dugo. Blood was literally dripping from her head. Mukhang bali pa yata ang mga kamay at paa.

"What happened?" aniya habang nagsusuot ng gloves. 

"Suicide daw 'ata, doc. Tumalon daw mula sa ikatlong palapag ng building ---"

At hindi na narinig ni Gabrielle ang mga sumunod na sinabi ng nurse. She literally froze. 

Napatitig siya sa mga mata ng babae. She was still conscious. Her breathing was labored. And Gabrielle saw pain and fear in her eyes. 

Gabrielle started shaking. Biglang nanginginig ang mga kalamnan niya. Hindi niya ito makontrol. 

No, it's not the blood. She had seen patients in worse conditions. It was something more. 

Hindi niya alam kung nagha-hallucinate ba siya pero biglang nag-iba ang anyo ng babae sa kanyang paningin.

Gabrielle started to see herself in the woman. She see her own self in her. Bloody. Scared. Silently begging for help.

She found herself staring at her own face. Nakikipagtitigan siya sa sarili niyang mga mata. 

Mas lalong lumala ang panginginig niya. Pakiwari niya'y naninikip bigla ang kanyang dibdib. Nahihirapan na din siyang huminga.

"Please get Doctora Salazar out of here," narinig niyang wika ni Lana bago siya iginiyang palabas ng ER no'ong isa sa mga nurse.