my hell

chapter one

Lilly was an ordinary person at least that is how she seemed to most people .she was nearly 30 living in a very boring town in England; it was run down in most places, hard to find somewhere decent to live that didn't have to much trouble.

She didn't think to much of herself in the way she looks,she wasn't very tall she was 5ft exactly,long red hair and piercing green eyes. Despite having a beautiful complection and facial features she was highly insecure. Lilly was not your typical girly girl she hated to wear dresses and makeup. Her favourite things to wear were board shorts, t shirt,trainers and a cap. To all of her friends and anyone she meets she seems to have loads of confidence and doesn't care what others think of her. Really she felt like she was as dying on the inside,fed up of this life she was living.

Lilly was married, her husband Adam was a handsome man, he was 32,6ft with short brown hair and a body most men would kill for,all the women are always chasing after him hoping to get a piece of him. He was very muscular and buff,he had a six pack.

When Lilly and Adam first got together he was so lovely with her but things soon changed after thier first child was born. Things got a little better again as thier son got older and then they had a daughter. Lilly suffered from depression after her son was born which she never got help for,she thought she could just power on through because she had been strong all her life. She was struggling to do the every day tasks like cleaning and cooking,fed up of living this boring monotonous life.no matter how many times she tried to explain how she felt to Adam he never understood her and never once tried to help.

Adam was always putting her down, saying things like "you're useless Lilly" or "just another waste of space."you see once thier son was born Lilly never returned to work,Lilly had problems with sending her children to nursery,she had witnessed some bad thing when she did her work experience in her high school days and couldn't trust any since then.

Her son was attached to Adam,he wouldn't calm down for Lilly,she would sit on the sofa crying her eyes out holding him while he crowd till Adam got in,this is where here downward spiral into depression began. Eventually he would calm for Lilly and became a mummy's boy and this was another reason she would not send him to nursery. By the time he was ready to start school thier daughter was born which ment another 3 years away from work.in this time Lilly became fed up with the girls at things were going for her,she was bored,wanting something more from life but she was trapped in this vicious circle of feeling not good enough to do anything,no confidence in herself and feeling unworthy to be here.

The fact that she was to scared to go and find a job was one of the many problems her marriage had; others were Adams constant bad attitude towards her. He was due home from work any moment and Lilly was dreading it,she had very little energy today so nothing has been tidied and his tea has not been done.he dosent understand how looking after two kids all day can take up all the little energy you do have,he never appreciates her.lilly heard the door shit and call out to her that he was home,she stiffens up when she realises he has gone straight to the kitchen to find out what's for tea. "Where's my tea" Adam says sternly making Lilly cower. "I'm sorry the kids have been arguing all day" Adam takes a step towards lilly, he towers over her with him being 6ft, and it's very intimidating. Through gritted teeth he says " I work all day and you can't even be bothered to do my tea,your nothing but a lazy, worthless waste of space,you probably just sat on your bum all day reading." Lilly was trying not to cry at his harsh words,he dosent understand her and what she is going through,he's never once asked how he can help.

By the time he has finished what he was saying he was telling at her." I'm sick of coming home to no tea.you go out and find a fucking job" Lilly was frustrated Adam knows why she hasn't worked in almost 9 years, " you know why I haven't worked" Lilly says trying to feel confident but failing because Adam is scaring her. " I don't care get a job before I knock you out and never let you see your kids again. Now go do my tea you stupid bitch"

Lilly gives in knowing there is no way she can win this argument,tears streaming down her face she says "yes Adam" and walks of to do his tea.

Lilly wanted nothing more than to be free from this hell she was living,she did have friends but over the years most seemed to leave her.this always made her think she wasn't good enough,what was she doing wrong that people didn't want to know her.

That night Lilly went to bed thinking about not being able to take much more of this,how could she be able to look after the kids alone and work,she knows she needs to get away his moods are getting worse but she just can't see how she can improve her life.she has never liv d alone and the thought of it terrified her.