my hell

chapter 5

Lilly was put meeting Casey today,she had decided to book them a night away in Manchester,Casey thought it would do Lilly some good. She needed reminding that she was not just a wife,mother or employee but someone who has every right to have fun in thier life,do things for herself.

The thought of shopping with Casey was a tiring one,Lilly absolutely hated shopping,she liked to go alone,that way she can just grab what she wants and leave.lilly hates queing up and people that take too long to decide what they want.she could be the most patient person in the world of you had troubles she would listen or of the kids were playing up,but when put it was like a switch was flipped and she becomes someone entirely different, angry and impatient.

Casey knows this about Lilly so she has devised a plan to try make their day shipping more fun,a day Lilly will be able to enjoy.walkingvaround Primark Lilly was confused as to why they were in the men's section,Casey pointed out that she didn't have to wear a dress to go out,she could of wear something she won't of be more comfortable in like jeans and a shirt.lilly always preferred the men's shirts and t shirts,the designs on them were so much cooler than the women's,the men's section would have Pokémon t shirts but the women's wouldn't. This always wound Lilly up,why shouldn't they be in the women's, we like Pokémon too.

"Do how's Adam been?" Casey asked

" He's actually been quite nice, saying I should go away,that he will be fine with the kids. He's getting better in the morning and makes my tea on his days of." Casey knew there was something more to what Lilly was telling her,she stayed quite giving Lilly chance to get it all of her chest. After a few minutes of Lilly looking at random clothes on the racks she speaks "I done love him anymore,I'm not sure I've ever been in love with him but I can't leave him" Casey gives Lilly the look,the one that says why not you can do whatever you want to, you just need to believe in yourself."I have a seasonal job,I'm useless at everything and he will make a huge fight for the kids" Lilly says.

" You're not useless Lilly,you have got back into work,you have become one of the best employees they have ever had in just a couple of months working there. You can live alone because you are a strong confident woman, you just need to remember that " Casey was trying to reason with Lilly to make her see sense,at the same time she didn't want her to think she was trying to force her to leave Adam, that has to be Lilly's choice, she only wants the best for her.

" If I try to leave him he will stop me from seeing the kids by saying I'm an unfit mother,he will make out I don't do anything for them and I let them do as they wish.hes right and I don't know why they would want to be with me" Lilly was starting to feel really down,she can't seem to find a way to escape these troubles that are weighing her down like a tonne of bricks. Casey is trying to help but she doesn't know how scared Lilly is becoming of Adam,that she can't just walk away.casey takes a minute to respond to this in a way that won't upset Lilly more " you're an amazing mum Lilly you are just going through a hard time at the moment,if you left him the kids would be just fine, they would be happy your happy,he wouldn't be able stop you from seeing them,I would be there in court for you to prove you're a good mum. It's clear you're not happy it's not fair on any of you to stay this way,I just want the best for you and the kids." Lilly just said she would think about it,Casey knew that was all she was getting from her today, hopefully she has managed to get through to her.

The girls carried on with thier shopping trip laughing and joking,Casey wanted to pick up the mood to get Lilly feel good about herself.in the end Lilly brought a whole new outfit for Manchester,she had some dark ripped skinny jeans,a white tank top and flamingo shirt,Lilly liked to wear her shirts open, she has trouble fasting them over her large chest.for shoes Lilly brought a nice pair of black Tom's,if she could she would wear her converse or vans but she doesn't want to risk not been let into the club's.

When Lilly got home she put her shopping up and made herself a drink,sitting at the breakfast bar staring at the wall, she was yet again thinking on what to do with her life. " I will finish my counseling course at university,get a good job and save money" Lilly wanted to be a counsellor ever since she failed her GCSE science exam which ment she couldn't be a forensic scientist. Her best friends in high school suggested to her she would make a great councillor. The reason Lilly never finished was because she met Adam and fell pregnant with Jake,she couldn't afford to carry on and Adam wasn't willing to look after Jake while she did the course." I only need to stay with him a little while longer,I'll wait till the kids are a bit older and they will understand better,I should have enough money by then"

Deep down Lilly was not sure she could last that long,yes things are better with Adam right now,he is being nicer but that doesn't mean he won't turn on her at any moment.her job keeps her going and helps her find the courage go back to university but will it be enough.