END OF THE DAY

Knowing JH

I got to know SHINEE Jonghyun in 2011. I admire his beautiful vocals and a really amazing songwriter. I hear a lot of SHINEE's songs, I also have a small dream about him hoping to collaborate with Jonghyun one day. I know this person who has an extremely fragile sense of power and cannot handle his own emotions till his last breath.

When I found out He has beautiful vocals, my heart melted and was inspired by his exquisite voice. The song I like to hear is Please Don't Go. I really like this because of emotion, wholeheartedly understanding every memory trying to heal, but I can't help it when I close my eyes. The last memory he gave me was the last dream which became clear that you are a dream reflected in my tears.

This song has a lot of mixed emotions when I listen to it. To be honest with all SHAWOL, before Jonghyun's death I had a vivid dream of him showing me on a blue screen his name, his funeral photo, and other colleagues wearing black suits at the funeral. When I opened my eyes, I saw news from Soompi. I said to myself: WHY CAN I NOT SAVE HIS LIFE? WHY CAN'T I REACH HIM? WHAT'S THE MISTAKE? WHAT DID HE DO ?

I just got lost, his death flooded my mind until now, I can only say to myself, WHO am I? Whenever I am sad, it reminds me of what he gave me in the last dream. I wish I could find the key to his emotions. If there was a Key to unlocking his emotions, he might still be alive today. What can I tell him, that he's doing his best and he's really working hard dealing with emotions, positive emotions and negative.

I actually couldn't find this emotion, it made me even worse facing real life. I miss him, I cry for him, I support him, I look my best, I see when he is not okay, I also feel lost when this nightmare comes true, am I the one who can see the future? I really tried and got lost finding out who I am in real life? Knowing Jonghyun's brother was really hurt, I could feel a lonely position and understand how he coped with life. There are many things I try to find on social media, who is Jonghyun? Who is SHINEE? Who is the best vocalist in SHINEE? and discover: What is his specialty in life?

Knowing JH oppa i will never regret listening to his voice, knowing his life, knowing how wonderful hard working he is in person. The only regret is losing him that couldn't come back. I actually heard about his death. I have an eating disorder, I don't feel good every time talk about him. But I always have a positive mindset that I couldn't leave. I always said he has a better life now, no one could hurt him anymore. But my memories towards Shinee JH are still the same. I will pray for him to leave for the better, shine brightly as angels wings. I want him to be free and happily ever after his death.

There are times when I really want to tell a friend that I could understand the feeling. Is really sad, when you know the story from the victim itself., this is not lucid story but thill his last breath i dream about JH oppa having very difficult time to express himself on the show, or at music video, time actually needed in him to express how he could share to us,

During the last radio podcast. The memories he gotten read how their fans feeling, he actually tell the fans don't be sad be positive, think positive, but there is a time a story touch his feeling so much, he actually cry after finish the podcast, although his feeling has very strong positive mindset. But some people just don't understand how other people will feel if they get these comments. Sometimes he doesn't want to let other people know the feeling he had recently, how lonely, angry, disappointed, and business schedules he had .

I know many fans out there are worried, angry, sad, and want to kill themselves when they hear the news of Jonghyun oppa. But being honest here he now feels better than before. Knowing JH oppa i will never regret listening to his voice, knowing his life, knowing how wonderful hard working he is in person. The only regret is losing him that couldn't come back. I actually understand what it was like. Because of that dream it took me more than years to recover. I wrote this story to make myself clear to let people surrounding me know that you are not alone. Although that's not just a dream, believe me you are an amazing person, stronger than other people out there.