i only use this book to rant about stupid petty shit or to make fun of myself like i'm doing right now or accuse my poor and probably innocent girlfriend of flagging my posts. she probably didn't even do it. Most likely didn't, actually. i'm a narcissistic asshole who can't fucking handle having my art flagged for the most obvious reason in the world! i have NO COMMON SENSE!!!!
you can't even fucking see who reads your shit. you can't even fucking see them. how was i supposed to fucking guess who flagged my work? also sorry for swearing, and sorry for accusing you, GamingAnimations . it probably wasn't even you. i'm so sorry for acting up about you. i never meant to. i got worried that you didn't want to speak to me anymore because of the same reason: i'm a bitch and i didn't have enough common sense to realise that you were on holiday until about the third day after you stopped replying to my texts. but! maybe you weren't on holiday. i can't remember if you told me that or not.
w
and now you probably don't want to speak to me anyway because i ruined my own opportunity by being a desperate bitch. no one wants narcissists in their life.
i only ever care about myself, DONT I?
IM A BAD PERSON. YOU CANT TELL ME THAT I AM NOT A TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THAT IS TRUE. IT IS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I KNOW IS 100% TRUE.
i would tell you another story, whoever reads this shit, but that might be classed as gaslighting because although true it mentions very triggering things and i wouldn't want to you think i was telling you it to make you feel sorry
although, i don't even know my own intentions anymore. i don't want to become a yanderedev type person. but i don't even know what i mean to do and what i don't. my mind is blank. i don't know whether i'm lying or telling the truth because i have this belief that i have built up over a long time that i am a liar and a bad person to have relations with (and i can't spell, dammit). my mother always tells me i'm nice and slim and beautiful but i never believe any of that. no one has ever told me that i was a bitch, or fat, or ugly. it's just a belief that formed when i was around 13 and i've just been repeating that belief over and over again. it makes people sick to hear it, almost so much that the bitch part is becoming true. i don't want to become a bitch. i want to help others and be a nice person for once. but i feel like it's impossible for me to become nicer. i wish i could just keep my negative thoughts inside my head and not tell them to anyone, but here i am, telling you guys. i'm stupid, i know.
if i could just keep it inside would i be a happy person? NO. am i a happy person now? NO! but if i could keep it inside would everyone else be happy? FUCK YES. this is probably the last time i talk about my depression and being a huge bitch on here. i know it depresses you guys, no matter how much you say it's fine. so... bye.
