IMPORTANT
AN: Hello there! Okay for extra feels, please listen to this song while reading this chapter. Seriously. Listen as you read this because it goes with this chapter!!! The song is on the side, if you don't see it, the link is below! ENJOY!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ1fgWl_HLc
(Louis' POV)
This is all my fault. My fault. Me and my stupid feelings.
They tell me to go to my room and I listen and run to my room.
I can hear them getting punished from here. I can hear their cries. I can hear their pain. And it's all my fault.
Liam comes in to comfort me, but I tell him that I want to be alone. He hesitates at first, but with a 'please Liam just give me a few minutes to myself' he nodded and said he'd be back in a couple of minutes.
The spanking continues for longer than it should, in my opinion and my guilt grows stronger every second.
My breaths become louder and louder as I struggle to calm the fuck down. My wrists are itchy. I need to cut. I can't control it anymore. This is a mess. I'm a mess. My life is a mess. I run to the bathroom.
I lock the door in the bathroom and grip the sides of the sink, my knuckles turning paler than my face and I make the mistake of looking up at my reflection. I have raccoon eyes, the bags under them the size of Earth itself. I am tired. So tired. I am seriously considering smashing my head through the mirror.
Tears fall from my eyes as I try breathe normally again.
I let out a frustrated scream and pull hard on my hair and look under the sink and find the razor that's taped under it for times like this.
It's brand new. Unused and sharp as ever. I trace the blade with my index finger and I can't stop the steady flow of tears that slip down my face. I grip the razor as if it was the edge of a cliff I was falling off of.
A broken sob slips out of my mouth and I slide to the floor and freely sob with my free hand covering my mouth.
Everything is so messed up. Life all life has taught me is torture. My parents. The endless abuse. Sofie. Lilly. But of all the bad things that haunt me, the worst is me. I torture myself more than anyone or anything will ever torture me. I wish I could show everyone that I am more than depressed. I wish that I could do everything all over again. I wish that I'd never started cutting in the first place.
There are times that I think that it'd be easier to just end my life right now. I imagine how peace-full it would be, to not only me, but to everyone else too. Really I mean who'd miss me? My parents? Nope. Sofie? Nope. Plus, I'd get to see Lilly again.
More tears slip as take my free hand off my mouth sucking in a breath, taking off the bandage and bringing the razor to my scarred wrist.
"Lou?" Liam calls out.
It just makes me sadder to know that I'm hurting them too, all they do is support me. All they do is help me, and what do I do in return? I hurt them.
They tell me that I'm great, I'm funny, I'm the best, they'd never ever replace me. Zayn says that he would never change anything about the day he first met me, but I would.
"Louis?!" Liam says a little more panicky and tries to open the locked door, "Damn it! LOUIS OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!" He yells while twisting and turning the knob like a mad man and I let out another sob.
I would so change it. If I knew what I know now, I would have never ever run into this house. They don't deserve to have all these problems that I give them. I would have let the officer get me or I would have kept running until I found another place to stay.
"LOUIS!" Liam yells, drawing me from my harsh thoughts.
"I-I cant do it L-Liammmm!" I cry
"Yes you can Lou! You hear me Lou? Yes you can! You are the strongest person I know! You can beat this! All you have to do is fight it!" He says frantically
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..." I sob and sob, but I don't move the razor from where it is on my wrist.
"ZAYN!!!" Liam yells, "Louis please for the love of God please open the door! I love you! We love you!"
"Louis! Open this door now!" Zayn says when he hears Liam yell for him.
The razor finally leaves my wrist and I throw it against the wall hard and watch it break. I put my head between my knees and cry my heart out.
AN: Okay so there's chapter 35. Please tell me how I did, I really want to know what you all thought of this chapter!!! I Love you all! -Anna
Love you Liz. Rest in peace.
