Say You'll Remember Me

Chapter Twelve

Leave it to me to give into my demons once again. Even after Hunter and I fought yesterday I didn’t feel the itch to solve my problems by drinking. I didn’t want to numb the pain he had caused, and that had been a sharp pain. But it had been a pain that made me feel alive, because it reminded me how much I felt for him. I had no desire to pull out a cigarette and get lost in the sweet nicotine that would release that anger I was feeling towards his mother. No my demons hadn’t made an appearance at all yesterday. But today they were back full force once I ran out of the house. 

I don’t know how I even found it, but there I was sitting at the only bar in Stars Haven at noon on a weekday. To my surprise I wasn’t the only one there, but I was the only underage person. So I was flirting with the older bartender to keep him from asking for my ID. I looked old enough, and he seemed to like me enough to keep the drinks coming without checking.

I was on my third glass of whiskey, that had always been my vice, when I had an urge for a cigarette. I had been doing good without smoking, but whenever I drank the urge came back full for. I swallowed down the brown liquid, the burn as familiar as the pain inside me. Every time I threw back the glass I could feel the hurt and the pain getting further and further away. I was going numb, which was a good thing since Jimmy’s face had started to appear on my way here.

“So tell me something darlin’.” Paul was his name. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth as he looked at me. I hadn’t had a drink in almost a month, not since I ran away from the past and came here. I had no reason to drink the moment I met Hunter. But it felt like home as I finished off the glass and held it out for him to fill. It wasn’t the home I wanted, but it was the familiar one that was always there for me.

Paul sighed as he grabbed the glass and filled it and finished his question, “how does a pretty girl like you end up at the bar at noon? I mean, you’re young and beautiful. Surely you’ve got better places to be.”

I shook my head, and my words started to slur, “nope,” I said downing half the whiskey as he watched me. I knew he was going to cut me off sooner rather than later. I had to appear sober, even though I was on the border line between tipsy and flat out drunk at this point. I couldn't hold as much alcohol as I could before I came here, “this is where I need to be. This is where fun Charlie came be found.”

He looked at me confused and I smiled at him as took another drink and winced. I loved the burn, but I hated it at the same time. My insides started to feel warm and that meant that the alcohol was actually hitting me. My mind was hazy and my vision was getting a little fuzzy. I smiled and suddenly I found a lot of stupid things funny. Drinking was my demon because when I was drunk I wasn’t only numb, I was free.

The pain that followed me out around the day wasn’t there when I drank the whiskey. The memories of my family abandoning me were gone as I downed the drinks and I suddenly felt like a normal person for once. I used to drink a lot more than I do now, the demon sat on my shoulder and whispered to me to drink as much as possible. The pain would go away, there would be no more tears. I listened to him, because it was better to be fun Charlie, than to be the buzz kill Charlie who was always sad.

I looked up at Paul with big eyes as I heard the song start to play, “I love this song,” I said chugging down the last of my drink and then standing up. I started to dance and he was laughing as I threw my limbs around awkwardly. My hair was flying around everywhere and I couldn’t stop laughing as I danced for all the strangers. This was fun Charlie, she was rarely found, but when she was she was the life of the party.

“Hit me,” I said slapping the bar with my open palm as the song finished and my breathing was ragged. I sat back down on the stool, well I fell back down on the stool and looked up at Paul with big bloodshot eyes, “another one, buddy.”