Say You'll Remember Me

Chapter Six (b)

The nightmare always started out the same. His hands would reach out for me, and I would scream. He would tear off my shirt, I would scream. He would unbutton his jeans and then pull my hair. It was all so vivid and so real, I would pant and cry within the dream. I clutched the pillow, trying to make him go away. But my imagination was never worse than the memory of what actually happened. 

In my dreams I screamed whenever he came near me, and somehow my sleeping self would scream loudly. I was already a restless sleeper, I usually woke up at the drop of a hat, ready to run if I had to. I mean when you lived on the streets, there was danger when your eyes closed. But I moved more when the nightmares came. I tried to fight my invisible attacker off, and it always failed.

The room would change into various ones I had lived in. Sometimes I would be outside in the rain or in the woods. Once there was someone standing and watching, I couldn’t make out their face but they seemed to know me. They didn’t help me as he took advantage of me, his hands going all over me as I screamed for help, trying to fight him off myself. The tears were real, so was the pain.

Just like I did all the other times the nightmares haunted me, I sat up screaming, tears falling down my cheek. I woke up quickly, remembering I was in my room at Hunter’s house. My heart slowed down, I had escaped the worst part of the dream yet again. I never stayed in the dream long enough to see the actual invasion happen. I always woke up before it got too far. I pushed my hair over my head and covered my face with my hands and I felt the helplessness come back over me.

I hated being helpless.

The bedroom door opened. I pulled my head out of my hands and saw Hunter looking at me, "you were screaming," he said quietly, his hair sticking up in every direction, "everything okay?”

I nodded, slightly out of breath, "yeah," I looked out the window and the sun was only starting to rise, "I'm sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s okay,” he said coming into the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed, “you were crying. Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nodded my head, “I’m fine,” I said softly feeling his hand on my cheek and smiling back at him, “I really am sorry that I woke you up. It’s early.”

“It’s okay really,” he said rubbing his eyes, “Emma got to me before you did. She’s in my bed taking up all the room. I heard you and came over, which means she took the entire bed.”

I gave him a small smile, “well you can stay here with me until it’s not the crack of dawn and more acceptable to get up for the day.”

Hunter’s eyes flashed and then he climbed in beside me, “did you want to talk about your nightmare?" 

His voice was soft as he made himself comfortable. I had moved over so I was laying between the wall and him. But I was closer to the wall, my heart pounding as he moved in closer towards me. I wasn’t used to this, he was at ease with us being in bed together. In my life if I was in bed with a guy it only meant one thing was about to happen.
I really liked him, which meant I wasn’t trying to move things along faster than they were supposed to happen.

He pulled the blanket down so it was covering his waist. His green eyes were tired, as he reached up and rubbed them. I sighed trying to calm down my overactive heart, "no," I said feeling the tears in my throat as I relived that nightmare once again. I didn't want him to know. I wasn't ready for anyone to know, "it's just a dream.”
He sighed but didn't push the issue. That was something rare about Hunter that a lot of other people don't have. He respects my privacy and the fact that I'm not ready to tell him certain things. He doesn't push me and keep asking me. It was one of the reasons I wanted to tell him. Because he wasn't dying to know. 

Hunter had his head on the pillow and he closed his eyes. This was weird for me, and yet he seemed so comfortable with coming into my room and laying down beside me. I felt bad for waking him up, but then again if I hadn't been screaming he wouldn't be laying beside me. I wanted to reach over and touch him, but I laid on my hand. We weren't even close to that stage yet. Still my heart was racing as I watched him lay there and start to fall back asleep. 

There was something so intimate and yet so innocent about falling asleep next to someone. I mean when we are sleeping, we are at our most vulnerable. It's important to trust the person you sleep around. It was nice to know Hunter trusted me. 

"Stop thinking," he said his voice filled with sleep. It was the second best sound I had ever heard. The first was, of course, his laugh.

I smiled at him, his eyes still closed, "how do you know I'm thinking? Your eyes are closed."

He sighed, "I can hear you thinking. You're staring at me thinking about all the ways today could go wrong. Or how you're getting too attached to my ruggedly handsome face, which means you can't just steal away in the night.”

I laughed and then pulled the covers up to my shoulder, "I wasn't thinking about any of those things," I said quietly as I let out a breath.

"Then what were you thinking of? I mean if I had a penny I would give it to you for your thoughts."

I blushed, "it's just weird," I said quietly as he opened his right eye and looked at me. He looked adorable like that and I couldn’t help but laugh, "doesn't it seem weird to you? This, you and me? It scares me. But then here you are, comfortable as can be in my bed. I just don't understand how it's so easy for you.”

Hunter smiled, his green eyes bright in the dim light, "it's easy because you don't feel like a stranger to me, Charlie. If you let yourself believe it, I won't feel like one to you either. That's what happens when two people are so right for each other. They just fit, no mess, no fuss."

I shook my head, still not sure I agreed. Hunter yawned and I rolled my eyes, "go back to sleep. I promise I'll stop thinking so loudly.”

He flashed me one more smile before he closed his eyes. I stayed where I was, staring at him as his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep. Once he was out I took my chance and reached over. I ran my finger across his chin, smiling as he flinched slightly from the tickle.

As I laid there looking at him I couldn't help but wonder what my parents would've thought about him. I mean I didn't know my parents, but I would like to think they would approve. I would like to believe they were proud of me too. Even though my life was a mess, I was stronger for it. That was something to be proud of right?

I don't know how it's possible to miss someone you've never met. But I missed them. I wish I had had a chance to meet them, like for real. They had me when I was a baby, but I don't remember them. I don't remember my mom singing me to sleep, or my dad rocking me in the rocking chair. I don't remember anything and it kills me. I should remember them, they're my parents.
I was a pretty pessimistic person, which is why it’s crazy that I love my parents, even though I never met them. I couldn’t quiet understand how I loved and missed them and yet I couldn’t even tell you what their favorite color was. I couldn’t even tell you what color their eyes were, or what they did to put me to sleep at night. But they were there in my heart, every morning and every night I could hope that somewhere up there my parents were watching after me. I could only hope I would see them again one day.

Sometimes I wish I had had a sibling or an aunt to take me away. I mean if they had more family, which you think would be the case, I wouldn't have spent my childhood running away from foster homes. Maybe I would've ended up in a place like this. Maybe I would've met Hunter under different circumstances. Maybe it would've been easier to be with him if I wasn't crashing here.

Then again if I had stopped running I never would've found stars haven. I never would've stumbled into my little piece of paradise. Even if my life hadn't been picture perfect up until this point, at least I had gotten one thing out of it. I had found my way here to this town, to this boy. That was more than worth it.