𝑵𝒐 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒔 -𝕸𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖚𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖘-

thirty four [epilogue]

MEET MY MANFRIEND

"Goood morning RaeGang! We are back with another BaNgInG video!"

"Quality intro you've got there."

"An angel dies every time, but it's what gets the views."

"I can respect the hustle."

"Well, you've read the title, so you already know why this knob is here with me today. Meet my boyfriend, ladies and gents."

"This is so weird."

"Ever thought that one day you'd be showing your girlfriend before your face?"

"Yeah. They can doxx you, I don't care."

"I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"Toxic."

"As I was saying, I asked you on Twitter to send in some questions under the #sorgespiracy for us to answer today."

"I already saw some of the questions, and we breed cursed fans, I swear."

***

"What's your celebrity pass? Okay, let's say it at the same time. I'll do you and you do me."

*snorts*

"Three, two, one-"

"-Simon Miniminter."

"-Herbert P Bear. Aw, shit! I thought we were doing joke answers."

"Shut up!"

"Too soon? Oh, well. We move."

***

"What's your Hogwarts house? Disclaimer, JK's still shite."

"I have no idea what house I'm in."

"You are such a Gryffindor."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Savior complex. Just believing you can cleanse YouTube with ten minute truck videos."

"Is that what Gryffindors are?"

"Mostly."

"Okay, then. What are you?"

"The best house."

"The nazi ones?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Ah, the mentally challenged ones."

"Dick."

***

"Would you get a tattoo?"

"For sure. A hard-core one. Like a heart with two glocks on my lower back."

"You sound American."

"Alright then, EDL spokesman. I'll get Lizzie with two crumpets."

***

"Where do you see yourselves in the future?"

"Being a tree, probably, I don't know."

"Extremely confused."

"There's like a company that turns people's ashes into a tree. I'd pay good bucks to be a jungle tree. You can use me for cocoa beans, if you want."

"Yes, please."

"See, I'm an altruistic man. You are so fortunate to have me."

"Don't wank yourself too hard, yeah? I still remember when you bought a girlfriend on fiverr."

"For a video."

"Aledgedly. We all saw those hickeys, bitch."

***

"Go on, do the outro. Let's see what you've got."

"Prepare to be amazed. So guys, this has been this week's litty lit video! Thank you so much for the watch time!"

"Great one. Proud of you."

"Oh, wow."

"What?"

"You really do look at me with heart eyes."

"For fuck's sake, I'm turning this off."

"You're blushing now!"

"Yeah, no. We're done."

"Wait, one more thing. Bro fis-"

:)