Whispers : BTS

Whispers

I was in trouble.

Not even the good kind of trouble; but the kind you dread and never want to happen.

Most people, however, would kill for the chance.

*

It was a normal trouble-free evening, debauchery concluded, and the two of us lie naked and out of breath in the aftermaths of our makings.

He was sweaty and sticky, and we were still on a high. He smiled and giggled in the most adorable way as I moved my leg slightly, accidentally rubbing his leg.

"Let's lay together." He suggested in a whisper to my ear as I got comfortable beside him, ready to experience my descent back to Earth. His arms naturally wrapped around me, and we lay for seconds, maybe minutes, and the world revolved around us. His words meant nothing as I followed, my body and mind in ecstasy, and at that point, I didn't have to give him up.
I slowly opened my eyes as time seemed to settle, his beautiful eyes meeting mine. We both smiled.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." I answered. I blinked twice, running my eyes over his face and hair, and turned slightly to get up.

He held me tighter.

"Just wait." He whispered again, and I relaxed quickly in his grasp. "Just a few more minutes."

"Why are you whispering." I whispered at him. He loostened the grip on me and settled beside me. He never opened his eyes as mine attempted to stare through his soul.

"Im not." He said deeply in a voice so deep I had never heard it.

"Stop." I laughed, burying my face into his arm and then deciding to rest my head on his shoulder while we lay there together.

For the first time of togetherness after the fact, I would admit it was nice. Maybe he was doing this to get a tiny taste; but I knew feelings between us were off limits. This was feelings to me. He had instigated, and the longer he held the quicker, I wanted to bail. His status meant he was unattainable, and while I knew and understood this - he seemed to as well.

"I don't want you to leave." He whispered.

I froze in the darkness. Bad. This was bad. And again, with the whispering.

"I need to go." Was the best my brain could conjure up. However, my body did not attempt to move. He didn't attempt to leave either, and that was stirring up all sorts of things. He was supposed to be the level-headed smart one! Not me! Dammit!

"Just wait." He said normally. He didn't squeeze as I was loosly lying in his arms.

All I could do was stare at the clock for the 4 minutes.

The longest 4 minutes of my life.

We dressed silently, awkwardness now filling the room as unspoken words of caring floated amongst us.

"What are you doing for the holiday?" He asked the wall without looking at me.

"Enjoying the time off." I answered truthfully. "My sister was trying to come, but I am unsure."

"Well, I have some days off during." He finally turned towards me.

"Well, just call." I shrugged, wanting to leave. Why couldn't I dress faster? I could take it off quickly, but I needed to practice to quickly put it back on. He nodded an acceptance to my statement, and he stood once I stopped at his mirror.

Another time I dread is this fake smile he puts on when I leave. I curse myself for putting myself through it. I always tell myself no, but the second he calls or texts, I'm back where I started with no seeming way out.

"Alright, be safe." He warmly reminded as I lingered inside his front door, not quite ready to embark into the cold. He loved it. He would go outside shirtless sometimes, and it would be snowing. He was crazy sometimes.

"You too. Get some rest." I smiled the normal smile, and then he flashed his fake one.

"Thanks." He nodded.

An awkward moment lingered as we stared, and I broke for the door.
The moment I got to my car, I broke down.

I decided at that moment that I wasn't ever going to see him again.