Sanders Sides One Shots

Regret This Tomorrow - Roceit

Roman was drunk. It wasn't a surprise to anyone at the loud party that the extravagant boy was completely wasted. Roman stumbled up the stairs and into the first room he could find. Thankfully it was his own. Roman sighed loudly as he collapsed onto the bed.

"Rough night?" Someone said. Roman lifted his head out of his pillow to focus his eyes on the person leaning against the doorframe.

"You have no idea." They let out a small laugh and came into the room, closing the door behind them. Roman sat up, sitting cross-legged on the bed. "What are you doing here Janus?" The shorter boy shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Just wanted to check on you."

"Yeah right." Roman winked. "I know what you really want."

"No Roman, not tonight. I'm serious. You didn't look good. I wasn't sure if you were even going to make it up the stairs." Roman flushed from embarrassment. "You shouldn't be alone when you're this drunk Ro-Ro."

"Ro-Ro?" Janus blushed lightly and looked away.

"Sorry. If you don't want me to-"

"No, no! It's fine. I just-...I don't know...wasn't expecting it." Janus gave a small nod. "Thanks."

"...for calling you Ro-Ro?" Janus asked, confused. Roman let out a small laugh.

"No. For checking on me."

"Oh...you're welcome." Roman moved to the edge of the bed, sitting right next to Janus. Roman kissed his cheek and put his hand on Janus's thigh. He started to trail kisses down Janus's neck and Janus let out a shaky breath. "R-Roman stop." Roman pulled away, confused. "I can't do this again Ro." He said quietly.

"Do what again?" Roman asked, his hand now drawing small circles on Janus's thigh. Janus sighed and pushed his hand away.

"This. Us. I can't do it."

"Jan..." Roman was frowning down at him.

"Roman please don't-..."

"Jan..." Roman moved his hand, now rubbing Janus's back soothingly.

"Roman..."

"Do you really not want this? Not want us?" Janus sighed, leaning into Roman's touch.

"I want you. All of you. Not just whatever this is. I know how romantic you are with the girls you date and I just-...I don't know...I want that too."

"I'm not ready for that Jan."

"When will you be?"

"I-"

"Will you ever be?"

"Janus, I lo-"

"It doesn't seem like it Roman. You can't keep hiding and pretending forever. There's so much more to this. To us. You just have to stop being afraid."

"I can't. It's too hard."

"It's going to be hard. But I can't keep doing this. You have to decide." Janus stood up, Roman immediately reaching for him. Janus bit his lip, looking at Roman. Roman was giving him that look and Janus knew he wasn't going to be able to say no.

This is what happened every time Janus tried to have this conversation. Roman would brush it off and then they would have sex or fall asleep cuddling. In the morning it would be like it never happened. Janus would wake up first and bring Roman some Advil and a glass of water. He would leave a sweet note that Roman would read a couple hours later when he woke up. The note would be added to a box that Janus knew nothing about. Of course Roman kept the notes, rereading them when he was feeling down. Janus would text Roman at exactly twelve pm and tell him to get out of bed and get something to eat. Another text would follow saying that Janus hadn't eaten and if Roman wanted to meet up for lunch they could. Roman would always say his head hurt too bad to go out and do anything. Both of them knew the words were lies. Then they would barely speak until the next time Roman was drunk. The cycle was just going to repeat and Janus regretted letting it happen every time, but he couldn't say no to Roman. Roman was like heroin and Janus was the biggest addict. He couldn't get enough of the taller boys soft touches or quiet pleas of Janus's name when things got heated.

Yeah Janus would regret giving into Roman once again in the morning, but for now...Janus sighed and gave a small nod. Roman laid down on the bed and smiled softly at him. Janus laid down and Roman moved to half-hug him, his head resting on Janus's chest. Janus played with Roman's soft hair, the taller boy smiling at the feeling.

"I love you." Roman said quietly.

"I love you more." Janus said, neither of them going to argue about the words. Both boys knew they were true.