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I walked to my spot wiping my palms on the purple fabric of my uniform, that didn't quite fit right. The music blasted and my smile shown through, until it fell.
I floated out of body and watched myself break as the sound of the baton hit the floor. To everyone else it was barely a thud to the ground, but to me it was like shattered glass. It was the first one of the year, and it wasn't even my fault.
I picked it up and kept going only think about the drop. It nagged and pulled until it was all I could thing about. The song not making any sense as I kept going. My patterns and coordinations thrown into one big mixing bowl.
Then it was like I had stabbed my own leg when I dropped the second time.
The room was blue then royal then navy until I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in the sound of trumpets, in the sound of my own breath. Drowning in a sea of purple and white eyes.
I finish the routine bitting so hard on the inside of my mouth I could almost feel it bleed. Then it was over. And I broke down.
For the first time in three years my eyes filled with tears and three years of numbness crashed onto the purple fabric of my top.
Who would have thought crying was going to be the only thing I did for the next few months.
This pep rally was only one fall on my downward mud slide.
