it's a bit after 2:30am, and I can't sleep.
I even took melatonin to try and get me to fall asleep faster, but im laying here awake, listening to the playlist ive put together since you left me.
Im lonely, and ill openly admit that. it's only been a couple days, but I miss you a lot.
Ill admit, so far, every morning and night I check our conversation, Incase you need me. But I know you're okay without me.
I Can see you're checking our chats too maybe.
Or at least seeing you were online.
But maybe you're texting someone else and I'm just trying to hold on to you.
I Can't help but look back at our messages, because I miss waking up to them. I miss falling asleep to them.
Today, I told my family what happened, what started our break up, and how we broke up.
I told them about the couple night before you left, how we upset each other and the second it all happened, i just had a feeling it wasn't going to end well.
And my parents just listened, and told me that I was going to be okay.
I know I'll be okay. I know I'll move on, and that I have to.
But I know it's not gonna be easy, and it's gonna hurt. So im allowing myself to feel it all right now.
Im allowing myself to cry, to be upset, to be quiet.
Im letting it out now so I don't have to feel like im going to hold onto this sadness longer than I have to.
I hope you know, despite all of this hurt, despite how much I miss you, and all of the feelings I'm manufacturing, I'm not mad at you.
Im not angry with you. I don't hate you.
I understand why you left, and I understand what was going on between us.
My understanding won't make me hurt any less, but it helps me feel like I wasn't left in the dark completely.
I found a song, and honestly, it made me cry.
It just made me think of this all.
So I'll post the lyrics here, and maybe you can get a feel, of maybe how im hurting.
Bye. by Mia Smith
You were my sunshine on all my rainy days
The one to hold my hand and tell me "everything's okay"
So now I don't know what to do since you went away
But I know that you're gone and that there's nothing I can say
I hope you're happier living without me
I hope you're moving on to all that you can be
And I'm so sorry I wasted your time
But you're still in my heart and you're always on my mind
Yeah, you're still in my heart and you're always on my mind
I feel like I'm missing the other half of me
There's a big empty space where you used to be
But it feels like you left a long time ago
I guess I thought it would be harder for you to let me go
I hope you're happier now that there's no me
I hope you're moving on to all that you can be
And I'm so sorry if I wasted your time
But you're still in my heart and you're always on my mind
Yeah, you're still in my heart and you're always on my mind
Now there's nothing left for me to say except for a goodbye
YOU ARE READING
A Life Without Him
RomanceI had you, after so long go wanting you. And now, you slipped away. And it hurts me more than I am wanting to recognize. You said you weren't in love like i was, and honestly? It broke me. I just wanted you, best friend. That's all I ever wanted.
