My (not so secret) Poetry Journal

Broken

The song attached means so much to me. It's helped me through my worst moments and I feel like it's suiting considering this was written when I just wanted to give up... Try giving it a listen if you ever need or want...

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I just can't take it anymore.
I'm sitting on the floor
Crying and shaking
Thinking everything through

First my dad,
then my ex
now my best friend
I'm losing him too...

I'm losing everyone I love...

Death is too sweet a reward for the broken
No, they must go on living in this world of death and terror
Hoping and praying for things to get better
To someday pick up the pieces of their shattered self
And try to put them back together

This world is cruel and heartless
It will try to tear you apart piece by piece
It will shred you to bits when given the chance

Don't let it destroy you
You are too beautiful, too kind
This world doesn't deserve you and it knows that
Keep on going and happiness you may find...

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A/N: It's been a while... I started my senior year. Let me tell you it's not easy. Trying to get back to 'normal' just won't happen. What the world thought of as normal won't be our new normal...

Anyways... So inspiration for this... Um... Yeah... This is hard to talk about but I'm gonna try to look on the bright side...

Okay, so when I was eleven I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD... But about a year ago, I found out that I'm bipolar, and that I have DID, aka Multiple Personality Disorder, and OCD. Now, OCD is typically not seen as a big deal but it actually can affect everything you do on a daily basis.

I also got a blood test done about a month ago and they've only said I have Hypothyroidism, which is pretty common, so I'm grateful. They started me off on a 75mcg dose of Levothyroxin but I just got bumped to a 125 dose. Not great but could be worse.

At first, learning about my mental disorders, I cried. I legit bawled for days... I felt as though my dreams were ripped away from me. Every dream of being in the military, of having a normal relationship, even participating in school and getting into a good college...

It's really hard being a seventeen year old and a senior in highschool and have all of these issues. There are so many times I want to give up and disappear. But I'm reminded that others have it so much worse. I have food, a house to live in, I'm able to go to therapists or doctors if I need to. I have other opportunities that I can take advantage of that others can't.

Writing this I was done with the world. I was done with the bullying. Done with the stares and looks of disgust. Done with having to constantly hide myself. Done with who I thought of myself as. I saw a freak. A ticking time bomb ready to go off at any moment...

Now I see...

I may not get into my preferred college or be in the military. I might not have the easiest time in school or the best luck with relationships... That doesn't mean I have to give up. I've found comfort in my writings, I love styling outfits and learning new music and instruments! I see that Im a beautiful person with so much potential. There is so much left and I can't give up now...

To anyone who is struggling or has struggled with anything mental, physical, emotional. It's gonna be okay. Don't give up just yet because there is so much more to you than you know. You are beautiful, amazing, truly wonderful. You have so much potential so good live your best life and love yourself and everyone around you. You never know when someone needs it...