Not Just Ours But Everyone's

Introducing Us - Our Part

This is an introduction of sorts, but for us admins. What this is all about has been explained in the bio and in the description, but the reason why we are doing this would be easier to explain if we wrote our own stories. So, here they are...

I am Alicia, a seventeen year old girl who is currently living in North London, and I have anxiety and mild depression. Now these don't define me at all, but they have defined the reasons towards many of my actions. Of course there is a lot more to me than these. I am a nerd, I love reading, I have been on Wattpad for over four years, I'm a vegetarian, I am an only child, etcetera. But these really aren't as relevant to the my reason why I am doing this as the fact that I have anxiety and mild depression.

I have always been someone of a nervous disposition, but when I was eleven my anxiety really started to show. I started having panic attacks and my trigger, what caused them, was school. After spending a year missing a lot of school until my attendance was scarily bad, I started dealing with it better. By the time I was fourteen I pretty much had a handle on my anxiety. I rarely had panic attacks any more, I was pretty much a normal teen.

Unfortunately this is where the 'but' comes in. When I was fourteen, less than a month from being fifteen, I had to move no just houses, but countries. I moved to France with my mum and dad because my dad had got a job there which paid so much better than any in England. I started attending school there, and that was Hell. Imagine being in a country you don't know, attending a brand new school, almost no one spoke English, and they expected you to learn French within a month. I hated each day, and only had one friend – who was actually English but moved to France when she was little. Because of all of this my anxiety soon showed its head, and my panic attacks ensued.

At the end of the summer holidays my parents said I had to go back, and I flat out refused. By 'flat out' I mean shouted and screamed my head off and then went into a full on panic attack where I hyperventilated to the point I almost stopped breathing. After that they understood and I started home schooling.

When I was sixteen I moved to my nan's in England so I could continue my education there, leaving my parents in France. It was stupidly tough – especially since my mum was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer just before I left – but I did it. After one year there I was fairly happy. Whilst I hated where I lived and don't particularly like who I live with, I made friends, a best friend, Hannah, and got a boyfriend who willingly puts up with me. And, best of all, my mum was tested all clear for cancer after having surgery and radio therapy.

And here is where the 'but' makes its triumphant return. In October 2014 my anxiety came back, stronger than ever. I started having panic attacks, which I thought were caused by me starting the pill, and unfortunately the trigger was still school. But even when I came off of it it got worse. I started showing signs of depression too, but I only realised this in December when I went back to France early so my parents could help me through this. I have been on medication since November, but it unfortunately has not helped much. What has helped the most is my support system.

When my anxiety started when I was eleven my mum was entirely supportive since she knows what it's like as she has chronic depression and anxiety. Obviously back then she was fully against me taking medication, but now, with what has been happening and the fact I have been missing my classes, she knows I need it. My dad too has been helpful. Whilst he doesn't know what it feels like, he supports both my mum and I through everything. I know I am lucky to have parents who understand what I am going through, and who think that my mental health is more important than my education – which it is.

I also have my boy friend, Joey, who tried to get me to school everyday, and even when I can't somehow he cheered me up and made everything seem OK. He didn't even mind me going to France until I'm well enough to return.

Last but not least is my friend, and co-admin, Hannah. We met in November 2013, but it seems like it's been so much longer. She has helped me with my anxiety and everything else since she understands what it's like. Trust me, having people who understand what you are going through makes you realise that this is more normal than you imagined.

Anyway, that is the story of my anxiety and mild depression. I am still learning to cope with it and deal with it, but it also made me realise that there is more going on in the world than I previously realised. Though what really inspired me to do this was the anonymous hate fans with mental illnesses were getting on Tumblr, telling these people to kill themselves. And some actually did. When I heard someone actually stepped forward and pretty much volunteered to take the hate so the more vulnerable didn't receive it, I basically went 'fuck it, I've got to help somehow'. But it wasn't until I heard of Leeah Alcorn and how she committed suicide due to bullying from her parent's because she was transgender, and her depression due to the situation, that I came up with this idea. I am so lucky to have people who understand my situation and care for me, but the thought that people are going through Hell and have next to no one makes me want to cry for them. That is why I wanted to do this, to share people's stories about the shit they've been through, because I hope at least one person will learn something and change how they act towards others who are going through this shit, so that they don't have no one. Everybody needs someone.

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Hi. This is admin Hannah here. This isn't meant to be a sob story just the story of certain aspects of my life including my mental health. I am 17 years old, I live in North London and I suffer from anxiety and depression. I guess it started in 2012. At the start of 2012 I suffered from a head injury where I slipped down the stairs top to bottom and severed an artery. It was quite traumatic for me if I am honest. That's the time everything started going down hill. I missed two months of school to recover. I felt very tired all the time and well just very sad. At the time I lived with my mother and sister. My mother and sister well. They are quite critical of me especially as I am over weight and me and my sister argued a lot by the time of summer 2012 I was crying almost every day due to my family putting me down. I slowly fell into a deep depression I was too scared to tell anyone about it as I didn't know what was happening to me.
By autumn/winter I had zero to little motivation and I didn't know what to do. That's when I discovered self harm. I wont go too much into that but I do remember how addictive it is.
2013 was one of the worst years of my life. I spent almost the whole year off school due to my depression. I couldn't do anything once I missed school it all built up and I was behind on all the school work and so to me that was another reason to not go.
In February 2013 for the first time I tried to kill myself. I was in far too deep, by now some people knew but I still didn't know what to do. I needed an escape. That happened a few times that year.
In the end someone I knew persuaded me to go to the doctors. A few months later I was diagnosed with depression. That's when I was given the medication and started counselling. From there on it just got worse, my depression was worse then ever. My mum and sister were giving me shit about everything they could including my depression especially when I needed the support. I was told several times a week to kill myself by my own sister.
October 2013: I was kicked out by mother because she couldn't cope. I now live with my dad. The next month I met Alicia right in the thick of my depression. I remember walking into the place where we worked with cuts covering both my arms and pretending to be happy.
I only stopped self harming in late January 2014. By then the medication started to finally kick in properly.
Then the anxiety came a long. I had panic attacks before but didn't know what they were. Finally someone told me and I started getting them more.
There's not really a lot I can say about them really. I got two different jobs. Lost both of them because of my anxiety. This made me feel pretty useless if I'm honest because I felt like I couldn't do anything.
This experience really has opened my eyes a lot and changed me as a person. For the better or the worse I have no clue. I've always wanted to help people too, ever since I got depression because I don't want anyone to feel how I felt. Ever. No one should feel alone. Whatever the problem is. This is why I want to help.

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This chapter is dedicated to protego_ who designed the wonderful cover. Thank you again!