In Reality (My Diary)

I'm Scared

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This song is The Forgotten - Green Day. I know it doesn't play so thought I'd let you know.

I am basically trying to find who I am and what I want to do with my life. Yes, I do realize I'm only a teenager and I have a long time before I need to start thinking about this, but I can't help it. I'm just tired of being afraid of showing people who I am. I am afraid of failure and rejection like thousands of other people in the world. I've been like that my whole life. I hate it and want to get over it, but as much as I've tried I failed every time. It's not like I made it this huge goal or anything and if I'm telling the truth I never tried that hard. Every time something bad happens and I feel bad about myself I just wallow in self pity. I know that doesn't make it any better and that I'm not going to achieve anything just waiting for it to come to me. I just don't get it though. Why do I know exactly what I should be doing, but don't do it? Why do I ask for advice, but not follow it? It's probably because I'm scared which is the cause of a lot of things. You could ask me why I do and don't do things and I would probably answer all of them I'm scared. I let fear control me, that's my problem. I want to go on and pretend to be some fearless immortal being, the thing is that I'm not. I'm just a teenage girl scared of change. Just scared. I hate it, but I'm promising myself right here, right now that one day I won't be afraid. Well, I guess it's impossible to be completely fearless. So, I'm promising that I will have courage. Because to have courage and to be fearless are different. When you are courageous your are afraid then face your fear anyway.