Help me

I wished life was a bit different

hey Gwyneth its me 2 days after ur  17th birthday. Rn life is great so there is nothing to be worried about im also rich and then chinese new year is right around the corner so im going to get even richer YAY. The problem is i have to start thinking about annes gift and i think that im going to have to get her something very meaning full so i gotta think about it. BTW i find someone cute after that phase but like i find someone cute and like yea. I loved my party and was happy 

My best friend dumped me for his girl friend. You would think that a 5 year bestfriend relationship would last longer. But no it didn't it just took a horrible insecure girlfriend to take ur best friend away.

And I just kinda need to let it out.....

Dear ex best friend

I miss u, I miss talking to u, treating you like a punching bag. Being rich but never taking about it or flaunting it. I miss that about you.

I miss the time where we would call for hours on video call. The times where I was such a bitch to u and how it took time to get close to me. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my problems. I understand that I friendship wasn't meant to be for forever. Thank you for teaching me life lessons and motivated me to become a better person.

A lot has changed after u stopped talking to me. I love harnesses now. They're so many things I want to text u and tell u all about my day n what happened. To many questions about the life ur living now without me in it.

I miss our laughter, u made me happy. Thank you for staying for quite a long time tbh 5 years sis wow. I wished our friendship never ended and you would be there with me attending my wedding being my children's godfather or something.

But I understand that it wasn't meant to be.

If I could've done anything different. The only thing I would change would be how long it took me to open up to u. I think I let my emotions out too much now n I miss the old me the one who talks to you a lot . But it's fine.

I had to live life alone without you in it. To find out who I am as an individual. I'm still searching but I'm learning. I'm learning how to carry all this emotional burden with me. So thank you for pushing me in the right direction. I hope we become friends again in the future. But I won't make it easy for you.

I miss you my ex best friend
Kind regards,
G

Like today I wanted to tell u how my fathers reactions to my messages r so funny.

But I can't, Or how I created this problem with my friend. N he called me n told me to call him back.But I don't know what to do.N I don't have u to tell me how to respond,Life kinda sucks without u.

Why r u sad
Your life is filled with joyful people but what's with the frown
You laugh when things are funny you get mad with every thought
I wish times were different, some happier then most but with you I wanna scream till I'm drowning with my words
I know I'm blessed like really blessed but is that enough for me
Maybe not, maybe yes
I just want to be happy

I know that this way of handling it isn't amazing but I'm trying to cope with it I eat am. I'm now blaming other people around me n I know I shouldn't. I miss blaming u for most of my problems, I miss crying onto ur shoulder, punching ur shoulder like u were my punching bag, screaming out my problem so u could carry them for me

But u understood, U understood all the problems I was gg through. U related to me in a way no one else could.U were there for me but I knew that our feelings were mutual.We needed each other to cope,U reminded me u brought me back to my senses.N I did the same for u.Let me know if ur alright, tell me about ur day. U were my light outside the tunnel bringing me back but then u left n now I'm stuck.