Help me

Heyyyy its me again

How should I start this. I want a friend who can talk to me. Somebody that I can trust with all my heart. I'm not saying that I don't trust my close friends now, I do but I want someone who can help me, not judge me in the same time. Someone who will tell me the truth but not complain and nag me. I want to pour my heart out. Not to a best friend, not to my family, not to my counselor, I want to pour it to an old friend a friend who knew me before I changed. A friend who is not that close to me. A friend that I know wouldn't judge.

The way that friend will look at me would be as if I was his/her sister or little sister. That friend would be like family. But not close.

I wish that friend is here. 

I don't like this girl. But only because I feel judged around her. Especially after pe. She always has something to say . Why can't we just glue their lips together with super glue.

What I've learnt is that. You don't protect your heart by acting as if you don't have one. You have to think in a different way. Who cares if they think that ur heartless. Because u just became smarter. You know that ur happiness will not depend on some else. Well Not anymore .

I don't get life or my mum . She can just bring something up and and bring everything up to make something up

Sunday November 12 2017. Is the day my mum officially lied to my face ( I think I'm not quite sure ) because as I can remember I'm not the worst student in the whole year group ok I have a bad attendance but I arrive everyday at school at 7:45 it's not my fault the school wanted to start making me walk 5 minutes to class is it. The bad attendance was only because I came to school late. So I'm basically on the verge of 86% attendance. My mum is actually calling me fat dumb and no motivation.

The funny thing is my mum doesn't know that there is this kid who gets worse grades than me never in school. I wonder why ? And she doesn't even know that my teacher talked to me before . Like doesn't she know I can't work under pressure. But wait she doesn't know me at all because she's barely a mother to me.

The thing that everybody doesn't get is I am more sensitive than other people think. Things that other people would not notice awaken a distance echo in me, and in such moment lucidity ( clarity of expression; intelligibility.) , when I look at myself, I see that I'm alone, all alone ,all alone.

And again. I'm sorry for being such a disappointment to my school and teachers. I'm sorry for being a disappointment to my friends and family. I can't change a whole personality out of me.

december . I feel so bad right now. He didn't even caused anything to happen. It was me.
Okay well u didn't send it. I was not going to use it. But it was my fault. Because I was the one who said."just send it to my place". I was the one who said" no ones home". IM THE ONE TO BLAME.

I'm the one to Blame for everything that's happening now. I am the one to blame for telling my parents I didn't know anything about it. (When I did). You should've seen it I lied right in front of her face. I felt so bad. Because ITS NOT ANYONES FAULT ITS MINE. 

I think that we should start complaining about her stupid arguments the so called i don't want to make a stupid fucking argument is in the fucking sentence" like who do u think u are .
I don't want to complain. Honestly like wtf. How is that phrase in the argument if ur saying it like ur fucking pissed off. This attitude is just getting me pissed off and I'm writing something down and Isn't I'm not listening to u, its also not a fucking body language saying that Gwyneth is mad Gwyneth is annoyed. Am I right?
Get a FUCKING LIFE. I ask those questions because I want to move or I want to get away from u. Get a hint.
Give me some fucking space. I'm so sorry I'm asking STUPID QUESTION but things just scroll of my tongue like normal. Excuse me do you think before you speak. You ask stupid question too it's just we never tell you cause it's just life. But after every accusations you put I always regret not shouting at you because that's how your teaching me right. To shout at someone because they're asking a STUPID QUESTION. Because that's how your clearly teaching us. A simple NO would be easy right!?
SHE JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR ME.

FUNNY my dad just said to me think of ur future and worry about what's going to happen next. The thing is I don't worry. It's like I don't get myself I'm no scared

Today is 15 February  the day I'm  coming back from japan and today is the day where my mum is accusing me of taking her cake away. I didn't bring anything yesterday I had the red Valentino to worry about and I had the box but they took it and put it into a Royce chocolate bag. So I threw the box away. Then I remember specifically there was 2 bags in the room. A Royce and a red Valentino.  Right now my mum is saying I had both and she can't stop putting things in my mouth. Yes I would be guilty if I actually had it I would accept that i did something wrong . But I don't remember bringing that. I threw away the other Royce bags because my mum gave it to me and told me to throw it away. The thing inside the bag was unused bags. So it wasn't actually with me. The other cookies r with me. Yea they r. But I don't remember her giving the bag of cakes to me. Cause I know Of by heart that I don't have it.
I don't know why she literally putting me on the spot and I don't know what to do. The only thing I want to do is slap some sense into her. Because she has to understand that I don't have it. I never did.
I know what she's going to say" but u said that u already had it" I never did tho. I said that the bag that I had was in a bigger bag or something between those lines. Why can't she just understand that I didn't have it. Like yesterday she said that I farted in the taxi when I didn't. And I know I didn't. If I fart I tell or go somewhere further away. And she kept saying I think it's you. So I just shouted saying fine I farted when i actually didn't. Her nagging is starting to get old. U know. Like it sound like a baby nagging for candy. She just keeps talking about it. Until we agree and then she decides to stop.