all that could've been → jjk

ii

CHAPTER II ; ANGEL TEARS

"but i don't know, really. maybe i'm just a lost soul trapped in this body." you rambled sipping back on the empty milk carton you finished earlier.

shoko stood right by the window, fingers clasped on the lit up cigarette. puffing up the smoke, a small smile rose on her lips as her eyes wandered over the skies.

despite the really interesting topic you brought up, with all the wonderous thoughts that filled the air, the sky seemed to show off soft shades of baby blue, highlighting the tufts of grey clouds.

dropets of rain soon followed after and your rambling got either better or worse since shoko was way too busy getting herself lost in current random thought you brought up, life.

thankfully, the gilted window was decently cleaned by shoko. her white coat wouldn't suffer anymore round of fabric softeners and detergents from the smearing cigarette ash almost piling up on the window.

"i'm okay but i don't know. . . i'm not okay at the same time? i mean, i'd wanna go high with all that lung-killing machine you got but i also wanna live? i just- i don't know maybe i'm going bonkers."

flicking the cigarette off, silently hoping that principal yaga won't spot the obvious litter of cigars sprinkling two floors down, shoko replied. "maybe 'cause you are?"

your head rose up from the pile of cream white pillows and sat up straight on the clinic bed. darting your eyes towards the window, trickling raindrops now scattered across the window.

your gaze then slowly followed its way up from layered clouds until the blank wall right above the window came into your sight.

a new thought lit up in your mind. you stared mindlessly in awe.

"i'm gonna sound reaaally stupid but it's just amazing how little we are in this big world. imagine how much more possibilities we can get ourselves into." you sighed, spreading your arms over the bed.

shoko snorted, "have i ever told you how dreamy you are?"

you did not take this well as shoko intended to.

"eh? i never thought you were interested in me-"

"child, why are you even in here? lunch ended three minutes ago, you should get going."

"but i'm still not done on my very emotional hour rant!"

and just like that, you stood outside shoko's office, with your bento in hand. you took a turn, heading to the next hallway leading to your homeroom. you decided to actually attend this next class, it's the least you can do as a graduating student.

it is a questionable matter, you'd even ask yourself and don't know why. you started hanging around the infirmary not so long ago after fushiguro kept you from coming in their homeroom after speculations about you rose from your last visit. the guy blamed you for it but you solely believe it was your boredom's fault.

but your frequent visits to shoko made you feel better in a way. it really felt like talking to a psychiatrist, or fushiguro since all she ever did was discreetly (arguable) smoke and let you ramble all your thoughts away, sneaking in a few comments.