Under Control.

29. My weakness for you?

Infidelity came with a thrill but the thrill also came with red lights, scares and self-loathe for the damage... and strain you're putting on your victims. At times, at most victims weren't even aware they were victims. It was selfish, the type to say 'as long as I'm enjoying the thrill of it all, I remain unbothered about the misery it planks down on your those involved' Infidelity is cruel, everyone looks down upon it until they're in the very same position. Everyone hates a cheater until they're the cheater. Hunter loathed men of that sort, he always proclaimed his hatred for cheaters. Hunter was now the cheater. It went hand in glove with his name. Cheaters hunt, making them a Hunter scavenging for the weak, naive and too hopeful. Soothing them with sweet words, at times soothing them with guilt and reverse psychology. When accused they'd have no option but to play victim. The more they did this, the white lies became easier and fell naturally from their lips. Guilt became easier to handle. Addiction comes in all forms, cheaters never change proves to be true because old habits die hard. Hunter had simply began, it was the classic case of 'just one cigarette, sniff, glass then never again'

The sudden dates, the sudden wanting to shower her with gifts, the sudden coming home early for supper, the sudden activeness in a bedroom that had been calm and relatively three to four times of lovemaking a month. It was all out of guilt. It was all trying to make up for a mistake his wife had not caught on. Trying to compensate for being a shitty person, a jerk in his own words and thoughts. He couldn't find a better word to describe his actions. He had persuaded and toyed with a student for four good months only to seem disinterested after they had sex. He had become the man he hated and shamed constantly. Hunter had always thought of himself to be different. It was in this moment that he realized, he wasn't; not at all. He was just another sleaze-bag who thought with the junk in his pants, as long as it led to a well deserved climax.

It had felt so odd sleeping with his wife after that night. It was... well just okay. His guilt wouldn't let him enjoy the pleasures of it all. He compared his wife to her... his mind could not help it. He loved his wife but the truth of the matter was... Karishma was younger, much more thrilling, eye popping, every other word imaginable. So was his wife a few years back. Perhaps it could have been his lack of experience with women of color, he had never once indulged on that side of the fence. Goodness his wife was beautiful, in his eyes she was ofcourse. Age was certainly catching up. Motherhood had its effects, motherhood would leave one not caring about their appearance anymore because all their concentration is on the child, their needs. Their constant needs, wants and nagging. Ever since Hailey's birth, he would get home to find his wife... with sunken eye bags and exhausted to do anything in bed. He wasn't one to complain, he would never blame that on his four months of committing adultery. He understood, being a mother was a full time job. He wouldn't be one to be an asshole and complain adding onto her already fully loaded pile of duties. At first, she lost her sex drive. Giving her time to heal, being patient and supportive... sex was never the same again. She just did not enjoy it no matter what he did. At times, he felt she was only having sex out of duty, for his sake otherwise; she'd rather not. He spent more time in the shower pleasing himself as the water ran distracting his groans. Hunter did not want to be a bother, he only assumed she would come around but she didn't. Rachel did not like sex as much and him begging for touch like a horny dog and constantly nagging...constricted their relationship. Hunter was starting to notice the cracks in his marriage. He had always compromised. He knew it wasn't her fault having a child came with so many hormonal changes.

What was the reason for cheating then?

It was— an impulsive bad decision. Knowing it's wrong. Trying your best to avoid it but it seems fate keeps putting you up for a challenge and eventually you decide... one try? Just one and before you know it, four months have passed and you really like the girl not just as a temporary penis warmer but as a person of interest. As a person... just as a person.   It became clear to him that he did not cheat because of her youth or innocence. She drew him in unknowingly. Her low glances, her shy respectful and admiration for him as an educator, her intelligence on world news and current events in fact any topic you name it, how openminded she always seemed, the unique mole right above her upper lip that made her look like some sort of Aphrodite. Her laugh—goodness—her laugh. Innocent and genuinely not forced. The way her eyes would almost close when she smiled too widely. Her nose crunched into a beautiful sight making her tiny nose ring more visible than usual. Her black silky hair that curtained the stupid grin she always had on when watching him distracted. Her right ear with not more than five piercings, it amazed him. He liked it. He remembered how she had told him that her next would be a belly ring. Smoothly, he had told her he would accompany her to hold her hand. She giggled, she always giggled at his every response. Deep down, he knew it.