Fear:
An unpleasant emotion that courses through the nerves of your brain caused by the apparent threat of danger, pain, or harm.
Everyone has a fear. Fear of the dark, Fear of heights, fear of change, fear of stopping, and the list never ends. Some...
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You walked on the footpath lazily kicking the stone in front of you. Your surroundings dimly lit under the yellow streetlights. You passed many people who were in a hurry to leave the cold night alone. You on the other hand slowly made your way to the 7/11 in your block. Not wanting to go back to your empty house any time sooner.
You were so engrossed in kicking the stone that you bumped into a hard shoulder instead of looking up, you mumbled a quick apology and continued walking.
You were bored af.
You heard a soft sound behind you, you turned around to see a white kitten in a cardboard box looking at you with hope. She was adorable. Her white coat so fluffy along with her tiny body, you wanted to cuddle with her till the end of time. You made your way towards the kitten whose hand was out of the box reaching out for you. You chuckled and picked her up in your arms bringing her closer to your chest. She rubbed herself in you more enjoying the warmth of your clothes.
"You like my clothes, huh?" you said as you massaged her scalp to which she licked your fingers. "Your body is so cold" you rubbed your hands together and placed them on her body to give her some heat. "You know what, keep this thick ass muffler, okay?" You placed her back in the box wrapped her body with your muffler. "I will get some milk from the store. How does that sound?" your fingers played with her ears while she meowed. "Wait for me" you got on your feet.
You might be called someone who is delusional to say that you have always felt eyes on you, stalking your every movement. It was the uncertainty that left a mark so deep in your brain that your thoughts floated in that direction on their own.
But for now, the only thought beaming across your mind was that of the place you were approaching. The place from where your life took a turn so sharp that you lost track of how you were before you even discovered it.
The alley you were nearing was not the most pleasant of its kind, it was drenched in the blood of six innocently bruised bodies. Every time you passed it or merely thought of it, a stir in your system kept you on your toes. It was everything but fear.
You could not tag a name to what you were feeling, but one thing that you knew for sure was that it was never fear. It was probably the lack of clarity that got you to a place where you vaguely just didn't know what you felt. You were never inside it. If at all, you were glad you were never surrounded by those tall bricked walls.
The doubt of the atmosphere in the alley kept your imagination to its peak. Due to the absence of truth, you were able to let your mind wander off to create an image of the atmosphere of the alley which was far from its reality. It was better than having a set fact graved on your mind, to say the least.
The concrete tiles bent a little forward as you stepped on them, heels first. A few more steps and there it would standing gloriously beside you.
Your heart hitting your chest with every step you took. Seconds turning to minutes as they turn into hours.
And there it is, right beside you. Everything halted. Time stopped as you stared into it mindlessly as you couldn't distinguish between the darkness. You were dazed. Your body frozen as it stood right outside the narrow walled path facing it. You forgot to blink.
A car drove behind you, bringing light into the dark alley. It was just like the pictures that you saw in the case files. It was dark, the walls carrying the shadows of their opposite ones as they stood there hovering the uneven wet concrete full of puddles in every step with a chalk outline made halfway into the alley. The glowing neon yellow barricade tape reflecting the blinding headlights of the car as it drove by.
The second the light went away, the blood in your body surged as life returned back to you. Heart beating violently just like before but this time for a reason completely different. You could feel his presence. It was there in every brick of the alley and you had seen it. It weirdly crawled up your skin and you had to go away.
You decided to walk past this place. Your heart still beating violently. You could see the convenience store shining brightly across the street. You crossed the road and walked into the store.
Now, you stood in front of the cool refrigerator full of beverages. Looking around for your favorite energy drink needed to keep your eyes open through the night.
You had made no progress. The original place is still not found. You had to start from the twentieth tonight. The nights were now difficult to not sleep through as your eyes would shut themselves against your consent. Questioning yourself a question that was so common remained still.
Is he worth it?
But every time this thought ran by your mind. It was answered by the same question.
You were reminded of how the ruthless killer caught your undivided attention in the first place. Not every serial killer managed to be this clever someone that perfectly imperfect that the precinct has the electricity bills up for three years. The nomadic slashes on the victims' chest with the fatally beautiful brand on the forehead, so perfectly imperfect.
You grabbed the fizzy red drink and trodded towards the cashier. On the way, you got some milk, as you promised.
After this, you walked back home. Ran past the alley. Gave the kitten her milk.
The sudden urgency to go home scared you in every way.
You just had to go home.
Because of a possibility occurring the first time.
What if you never found him?
All this for nothing. All this inside you. This curiosity which knew no bounds just wanted to know. Wanted to know why, how, and who he was. Your mind clouding up with thoughts of disappointment.
This want was unhealthy for you. You wanted it to stop.
You were getting restless. Your mind keeps going to all these nights, all this effort.
You just wanted to know. The beg in your voice significant as you said it out loud in your head making it hard for you to keep straight. Just wanted to know.
So, you ran. You ran home. You couldn't live with the fact that you didn't find him.
There were tears in your eyes. You didn't know why.
