TOUCH (KNJ)

TEN (Joonieday)

"Please open the door Ivy," Namjoon says sliding against the door of her bedroom. 

She doesn't answer. After that night outside the restaurant she hasn't spoken to anybody. She had submitted a work from leave which Seokjin immediately granted after hearing about the incident. Namjoon at first had thought she was traumatized by it but it was more than just that one incident. Ivy wasn't ready to speak to anyone, not just yet. The fact that she still had to clear things with Hoseok and Namjoon was long forgotten. She was numb with all the horrifying memories which came back like they never left her. 

Just when she had moved on in life, just when she was ready to love again. Today Namjoon had let himself inside with her permission but she didn't say a single word. She just opened the door, turned around and left. All he caught was the bags underneath her eyes. 

It was another lame attempt. He had been trying for the past week, every single day. Namjoon wasn't one to give up. He never gave up but he was getting exhausted with every coming day. 

"I'll come back tomorrow," he whispers before getting up and walking out the door with one last look. She was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, curled up and crying silently. No one except her knew how bad she wanted to just open the door and hug him and tell him everything but she was scared. Scared, that if he saw how broken, how messed up she was, he'd leave. In her mind, it was obvious that he thought of her just as a friend but she was sure he would completely leave now. For a second, she got up to her feet when he said he was leaving but all her courage went flying out of the window when she heard the door close and he took the keys along this time.

He came back the next day, sat against the door, told her what was happening at the company and left after a while. This time, she had chosen to sit against the door too, her back against it as she heard him talk and then leave. 

He came again, expecting her to do the same like each time and avoid him. 

"Hey." he says placing a flat palm on the door and leaning his forehead against it. 

She scrambles to her feet quickly pulling the door open and throwing her arms around his neck. He bends down in surprise and hesistantly places a hand around her shoulders, afraid that he'd do something to hurt her. She uses one of her arms to grab his hands and place them around her waist. He understands and chuckles to himself, picking her up so his neck wouldn't hurt. No matter how tall she was, it wasn't tall enough in front of him. 

"I missed you," his voice cracks as he gulps slightly, squeezing her as hard as could. 

"I missed you too. I'm sorry." Ivy whispers not pulling away from him. She had spoken almost nothing for about a week and to say he was relieved was an understatement. 

"I couldn't do anything, I couldn't write, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was dying to talk to you. Never do this again. Please." He begs, a small tear rolling down his eye. 

"I was scared. I was so scared. It was so scary." he nods holding her more firmly in his arms as he walked to the couch, laying down on it with her on top of him. 

"Tell me everything," Namjoon's hands run through her hair slowly as she rests her chin on his chest, looking up at him through very exhausted eyes. He smiles, happy to see her and feel her in his embrace. She smiles back slowly before turning them around so they were laying side by side facing each other. He protectively pulls her closer so she doesn't fall off the couch. 

She tells him every single thing from the awkward car ride to the whole punching and kicking thing, just not the kiss. He just nods listening tentatively. 

"I'm so proud of you. You did the right thing." he compliments looking right into her eyes. For a while, the two stay on the couch, finally feeling calm after a long time, hearts warm. She takes deep breaths, now completely calmed down before getting ready for the worst part. 

"I also kissed Hoseok." She states biting the insides of her cheek ready for the reaction. 

Namjoon holds his breath, not wanting to accept what she said was true. He removes his hand from her waist before releasing a long shaky breath. Everything was falling apart for him. He had kind of anticipated it but he had a little hope. A little hope that she'd notice him, that she'd finally see that he was the one who never left her side even when she refused to show herself while Hoseok was pretty much unbothered after the second day, thinking that she was moody. 

"Okay," he says closing his eyes tightly. He wanted her to notice him and to see how much he wanted to be loved too but what he didn't know was how she was too fucking broken to accept that somebody loved her like she'd always wanted. What he didn't know was that she was holding herself back too, that she too, wanted to love him freely. 

"But he's not the one," she states closing her eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. He looks at her again, her eyes showing him various emotions. 

"How do you know that so soon?", she brings up a hand to his face. Fear making her insides churn as she carresses his cheek with a soft smile. 

"Because he was never the one. Something was missing with him," Ivy voices out, trying not to hint anything while her actions spoke otherwise. He was a very intelligent man but he was dumb in some things too. Anybody would've known that the two were the same person she was referring to but he didn't understand. 

He nods again, closing his eyes as his emotions take over. It was too much for him. He knew she wasn't obligated to like him back but isn't that how we all are designed? We love a person in hopes of being loved back but when it doesn't happen, we feel like we're drowning when we're actually asking for something which they weren't guaranteeing since the very start. 

"Oh my god, Namjoon, wha- why-" her words get caugh in her throat as more and more tears flow down his beautiful face. She shifts upwards before grabbing the back of his neck and placing his head on her shoulder blade as she wraps her arms around him. Sometimes, we forget that people who always heal us need healing too and the worst part is that we almost never notice. 

"I'm tired Ivy. I want a break from everything," she gulps slightly patting his back comfortingly while looking out the window. It rains outside heavily, night taking over slowly. 

"Alright, let's give you a break from everything," she whispers back, slightly pushing his head back to kiss his forehead softly. He shakes slightly, now crying silently. 

"I promise I'll make it okay," she says looking down at the adorable man as he closes his eyes, still sniffling. She lets him calm down for a while in silence. 

"Namjoon, I think you're the one." she speaks up, finally making up her mind. He doesn't respond, so her nerves kick in. Ivy looks down at him but he was already asleep, cheek squished against her shoulder making the strings in her heart pull. 

"I'll say it again sometime then," with that, she makes herself more comfortable on the couch and closing her with one hand holding the back of his head and the other one around his shoulders, pressing their bodies closer. For warmth of course. 

Maybe this was enough for both of them, for now.