TOUCH (KNJ)

SIXTEEN

"H-Hello?" Yoongi whispers softly into the phone, other hand forming a tight fist out of anxiousness. Namjoon replies with the same anxiety on the other side closing his eyes. 

"How have you been?" He asks sighing in relief after hearing his best friends voice after such a long time. Namjoon smiles slightly before replying. 

"I've been amazing lately, what about you hyung?" 

"Me too. I, I'm sorry Joon." Namjoon shakes his head on the other side, no words forming. 

"No, I'm sorry." He whispers before clearing his throat to avoid the lump at the back.

"It was a fucked up situation, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Yoongi continues. 

"I'm glad you called, I had no idea you knew Ivy." 

"Oh she'll tell you about it. I was wondering if we could meet?" 

"Sure, let's meet tomorrow after I get home from work. I'll call." 

As soon as Yoongi hung up, Ivy rushed to Namjoon in the living room to check up on him. 

"Joonie? You good honey?" She asks slowly approaching him from behind. He turns around hopping from the counter and smiling at her to cover up his emotions. 

"I'm alright, let's watch a movie or something." He suggests trying to change the topic which Ivy caught on quickly so she agreed not wanting to push it any further. He'd tell her soon enough. 

She smiles and kisses his forehead after brushing his hair up. He tries to smile but it falters, his throat feeling clogged due to the venting of all his feelings he needed so bad. 

Yoongi was right. He was definitely a grenade, filled up to the brim and ready to burst open with one wrong move and she was being careful not to hurt him. 

"You set the movie on, I'll be back after changing out of these okay?" He nods watching as she walks to her room and then switching the television on, browsing through various movies. 

By the time she was back in the room with her hair open completely and in a huge tee, he had played the movie he had chosen trying to distract himself. She quickly crawled onto the couch, pulling his body towards hers. He layed his head in her lap looking at her and resting his long legs on the empty couch. 

He knew she would understand but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. It was because this had become a habit of his over years, supressing his agony to the point where it started eating him up inside. Slowly but surely scooping his soul out. 

He turned in her lap, shifting upwards slightly so she was cradling him more closely. Her mind was too lost in the movie to notice him staring so he turned his eyes towards the movie too.

Even though it was one of his all-time favourites, Namjoon had never felt this restless in his life before. The thing that surprised him the most was that he was being held by the girl he loved but it wasn't relaxing this time. He wanted to tell her what happened and not hide it, it had only been a few minutes but he was already restless. Maybe this was an outcome of finding someone who had, even if drop by drop, started to fill in his scooped out soul with the shards of her own. 

Ivy herself was restless, she wanted to comfort him but she had no idea what happened. There were a million questions in her head but maybe keeping him safe and warm and close to her would keep her sane for now. She looked at the back of his head from the corner of her eyes when she felt dampness on the sleeve of her tee. Her own eyes prickled at the thought of him trying so hard to fill everything up inside that it was spilling through the water in his eyes. 

"Joon, are you okay baby?" A very obvious question but it was enough to start the conversation. He turned around, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. 

"Tell me what happened," she said softly as she ran her hands through his mullet slowly. 

"Nothing happened, it was just a friend calling, what else," he grunted rather coldly but she was fine with it as long as he was. She hummed slightly rubbing his back and settling her chin on his shoulder when his muscular arms tightened around her waist arching her back from the couch making their chests press against each other. 

"I know it was more than that, you can talk to me whenever you feel comfortable, hm?" 

He started breathing heavily, pulling away from her and sitting on the couch upright. Next to her.

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING (sensitive content)

"Oh yeah? I believe the same has always applied for you. You never talked to me about the reason you don't people touch you or why you reacted the way you did that night?" 

"I'll tell you whenever you'll want me to. Right now, your problem is more important," she says caressing his neck and ear slightly but he pulled away slightly.

"Whenever I'll want you to? Bullshit. You keep bottling your feelings up and then tell me I should talk. Talk to who? You? Can you even handle anybody else's problems? Are you stable enough to even do it?" He spat, the words coming out way harsher than he had thought. 

He was well aware of what he was doing. He knew it was completely wrong. He knew she would be hurt but he did it anyway. He said everything he never wanted to. She opens her mouth to speak but the words get jumbled up in her throat as her hands shaked, moving away from him. 

"So that's what you think of me. That I'm not stable enough for you to share your problems with?" She mutters running a hand through her hair. She knew he was projecting his feelings on her but that didn't make it better for her. It hurt but she was ready to let her anchors go if it meant his would be pulled up along with hers. 

"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that what happened between me and Yoongi is none of your business. We went through a lot together and if you can't share your past, why should I?" He says softly and slowly approaching her. 

"A spat with a friend is very different from getting raped." She says slowly bringing her eyes up to meet his. He goes speechless at her statement trying to hug her but she pushes his hands off. 

"You wanted to know right? Let me tell you then." 

"No, please, I'm sorry, you don't have to continue," he says fisting his hands. 

It was a huge thing for Ivy but for everything he brought into her life she was ready to become an open book in front of him. Only for him because he her healing began with him. 

"There were two of them, the man I loved before you and my best friend."