True colors (Tododeku)

Chapter 3 Dream

T.W. Self harm

Midoriya's POV-

I silently walked home regretting my actions of the day. First of all, I let Kacchan see my bandages and secondly I didn't keep up my nerdy façade when he asked about it. It's been years since I was like that. When my mom died I became an emotional mess. After a while, I ended up the way I am now a depressed monster who rarely even shows emotion. I laughed to myself when I thought of what would happen if I just showed up to school and didn't stutter and defended myself.

I unlocked the door to my apartment and took off my shoes. I had purchased this apartment on my 13th birthday happy to get away from where my Mom was murdered. Every time I walked past the living room I would feel the need to throw up. So, I purchased a slightly smaller apartment with my Mom's leftover money. It was a small apartment with only one room, but I didn't care since I just needed a place to sleep.

Slipping on my slippers, I walked into the kitchen and made grilled cheese. The smell nauseated me, but I hadn't eaten in a week to ration my food out. When it was done I washed the plate and walked over to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror on accident and was disgusted by what I saw. Huge eyebags rested under my eyes and my skin was a sickly pale colour. I quickly looked away and took off my clothes getting ready to get into the shower. Right before I got into the shower I unwrapped the bandages around my arms and took my blades in with me. I took one out when I was in the shower and positioned it above my arm. I pressed down seeing little dots of blood blooming around the blade. Slowly I dragged the blade across my arm and watched as the red liquid slowly came out the cut. 'One for being a useless piece of shit. Two for letting Bakugou see the bandages. Three for not keeping up the act. Four for letting Mom's murderer getaway. Five for being a disappointment. Six for being a faggot. Seven for having a villainous quirk.' I kept going deeper and deeper with each cut. I stopped when I reached 27. I let the blood drain in the shower watching as the red mixed in with the water. I hissed as I put my arm under the water to clean the cuts.

I then washed my hair wincing as the soap made contact with the cuts. The fuzzy rug became drenched as I stepped out the shower. I wrapped a grey towel around my waist and made my way over to the cabinet. I put the blades on a towel and dried them so they didn't rust and wrapped my arm up. I sighed looking down at my arm and went to go get dressed.

I put on some boxers and an oversized shirt. Tomorrow was Saturday so I could sleep all I wanted. I got into my bed and opened my laptop. I was currently watching 11 animes. Did that stop me from starting a new one? No. I snuggled up into my pillows and watched a full season before seeing it was 4:00 a.m. and going to bed. I closed my eyes hoping to not get another nightmare tonight.

I opened my eyes to see a flower field with me and my Mom playing when I was four. My eyes teared up as I remembered all the times we played heroes and when she used to make my favourite food, katsudon. All of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped in surprise and looked up. It was my mom. "Hey Izu." My eyes started watering and buried my face in her chest not wanting to let go in case she would disappear if I did. "M-mom, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you." She lifted my chin and looked me in the eyes. "Izu honey, you did nothing wrong. I love you so much, but Izu I've been watching you for some time." I flinched. 'Did she see me cutting?'

"Izuku baby you need to stop cutting. If I was there I would stop you, but I can't. So please try for me."

"H-how? It's the only thing I have." She pondered for a bit and looked at me with an understanding expression. "One day you will find the one that will make you stop and will fill the void. So, hold on until you can find them. Remember, I love you my darling." She hugged me one last time and disappeared.

I jumped up with tears in my eyes and sweat sticking to my body and the covers. I groaned and grabbed my head. Slowly I walked over to the kitchen and looked at the clock on the stove. "It's fucking 8:20 a.m why did I have to wake up this early?" I shook my head and put on pants getting ready for a walk.

The air outside was cool and there was a slight breeze. It was a perfect autumn morning. I walked over a bridge and saw the different coloured leaves sprinkling the water. I was capsized by its beauty. A kid ran past me with a kite breaking me out of my trance. I smiled at the kid's innocence and joy. I wished I could go back to that carefree age.

A/N- Cover art by Fenkko on Tumblr