When we Fell Apart {k.sw + j.hn}

3.

Remember the day we got married. The day I never expected to actually come to real life.

We've been dating for years and you proposed to me as soon as we finished college.  Like usual, you panicked a whole bunch and it left me worried about your mental health.

It was a week after we finished college that you brought me to an area that holds a special place in both of our hearts, the place where we first met.

There were fairy lights decorating the bench and were tied around the light poles. It was a magical place in my eyes and my heart filled with joy at the thought of you doing this for me.

I always assumed things like these happen in movies, but experiencing it right in front of my eyes brought me to reality.

My original idea was you doing this for me because it was the last time the both of us were going to sit down on the wooden bench that was slowly falling apart.

But when you got down on one knee and opened the small, black, velvet box, I immediately knew...that you were proposing to me.

Marriage was a huge responsibility, we would be officially together and we would devote our lives to being with each other.

It's silly how two little rings get to decide if you belong to me and if i belong to you. Or maybe I don't belong to you and I'm just greedy that you're mine..

Is that why I sometimes see your wedding ring placed deep inside the drawer of our bedside table?

I never thought of those things. You know, if you would proudly wear your little ring of gold on your left finger every time we leave the house.

I never thought of anything once you popped the question. I was so happy and full of bliss that I couldn't think straight. I just rapidly nodded my head up and down while jumping into your arms and crying a river.

Oh how I should've thought things clearly...

We planned everything out. How our venue was going to be outside and on the perfect sunny day. We had our fights but that's like every couple who are engaged, so I didn't think much of it. Plus, we always made up as soon as it started.

What happened?...

All of those months of planning went by like a blur. I don't remember much as it wasn't of any importance. I just wanted to be married to you.

The day of the marriage was beautiful... Everyone came, from our family to our friends who have been with us the whole step of the way.

I remember the piano music playing in the background as I walked down the isle with my parents by my side.

They always told me to think things carefully, especially when it came to love. They weren't fully supportive of our decision as we had been dating for 3 years. They thought we should wait longer but I assured them that everything was fine.

Now, I wished listened to them...you what they say, parents always know best.

We get married and we shared our first kiss as newlyweds. I wish I had kissed you longer but you told me that you had something special for me that night and I listened, knowing what you were suggesting.

We danced merrily the whole time and talked to our friends. It was mostly joking around about who was getting married next but it was also us getting drunk and going crazy over dumb things.

I remember you leaving in the middle of our conversation yet I didn't pay much attention  as I knew you would come back.

I wish I'd have known that was the first red flag.

You came back within 30 minutes and we began to enjoy our night again. I asked you where you went but you just brushed the question off your shoulder. I was nervous (and paranoid) but I didn't want to ruin anything for our precious wedding.

My thoughts faded away when we did it late at night. It wasn't our first time, but it was one of the most memorable. It also eased my mind once I felt you close to me.

After that night, I wore my ring with pride. I went around and purposely made people see the most beautiful thing I've ever gotten.

You smiled at how cute I was being, (or maybe you were putting on a mask at how annoying I was) and it made me even more happy.

Marriage was a big thing and it annoyed me how you were making a joke out of it. It annoyed me when you weren't the enthusiastic little kid I've always seen you as every time I mentioned us dating.

I never noticed when you officially grew up. When I was always your second choice and your job was your first.  I never perceived any of it.

I know we aren't children anymore but shouldn't you still care about me? Shouldn't you still ask how I've been doing every day instead of ignore me?

I was fine for a couple of days knowing you would say something later, but you never did and it was tearing me apart. But I turned a blind eye.

I always turned a blind eye when you hurt me the most.