Life of an Indian Teenage Girl

Ninth grade

Ima say this right now...this shit bout to get emotional!

TRIGGER WARNING!! SELF HARM. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU'LL GET TRIGGERED.

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When I was in eighth grade I thought I had the best of friends. I truly did. I thought it was the best year ever. Great friends, great memories.

We were all deep in sadness well aware of what was coming, but no one really expressed it much. Next year we were all going to be in separate classes. We were one class from second grade and the thought of mixing with other classes was just terrifying.

I enjoyed eighth grade as much as I could. I tried to get good grades, participate for programs and do basically anything I enjoy doing. And I was successful. But that only made saying our goodbyes even harder.

We finally reached ninth grade and I had two of my classmates still with me in my new class. One was the silent girl and the other was my enemy.

Everyone else I had seen around. A few of them I had talked to once upon a time and some were strangers.

I remember my first time getting into class 9 B. The sight of the popular girls intimidated me. I went and sat with the silent girl and slowly started talking to the children behind me, knowing well that they could never be class 8 B, never.

The same thought lingered in my mind for the coming months, from April to June. In June, I heard that I was getting a badge as an assistant event coordinator for a school club! I was really happy, for the first time in months. I had gone for the interview a few days back. I couldn't wait to tell my old friends about it.

The interview had gone pretty well. The only contestants were seven children, all from my old class. We had made a pact that whoever won we wouldn't be jealous and would be happy for them.

But after I got the badge that didn't seem to be the case. I heard rumors that my old friends were actually saying that I didn't deserve it.

That hurt. A lot. The only thing that had saved me so far was the thought of my old friends still there for me and the thought of getting this badge.

Sure I had friends in my new class but because of the old memories of eighth grade I was never truly able to enjoy their friendship.

I found myself crying every night. Thinking about what a fool I was. Thinking about why anyone would ever want to be my friend.

Then I remembered. I had once had a crazy obsession for cutting my fingers with scissors. No I never thought about suicide back then, but I liked torturing myself. But now it was about suicide. I wanted to see blood on wrists. I had thought about it a lot but I couldn't make my self do it. That just made me more sad. I was a coward too!

Somewhere down the lane, I soon began to forget about the old "friends" once I started to really talk to my new friends. They were great!

I soon forgot about the old memories too once I started making new ones.

My friends are literally the best thing that happened to me that year. I don't think I would be here right now if it weren't for them. Although I do get mad at you guys for ignoring me, I'll still never forget the time you unknowingly saved my life.

❤️