Vent book

Whats the point of existence

{The song has nothing to do with this but I added it in because I liked it}

Warnings
Questioning ones existence
Comparing yourself to others
[I'm not sure if they're is any more but if there is I'll add them in]

So whats really the point of it all. Everyone will inevitably forget about me in the next 1000 years because anything revolutionary has already happened. I could try to build a time machine or read peoples mind sure but am I really smart enough for that? Does our future even exist? Like what if its just made up as we go. Hmm that would be interesting. Anyway im getting distracted whats the point on living a life when you cant do anything with it. People use "Waste of space" a lot when theyre trying to be fake depressed. Not saying everyone that says it is faked deppresed its just a go to saying. But I really do feel that way sometimes. Most of the time really.  I mean whats the point on going through life if you cant even make a slight difference? Is it pathetic to think that? Is it pathetic to already assume you cant do good? Maybe. I usually seem like a happy person if you came here from me commemting on your books you would know that. I mean im not emotionless so I can feel happy obviously but that happiness only lasts so long. I dont see the point on suffering when I wont get anything out of it.  People say life gets better but is it worth losing almost everyone you love and feeling the most betrayed and low you've ever felt. Is it worth feeling the pain of knowing that everyone you have ever loved will leave you. Im not sure it is. Its going to get better isnt enough anymore. How much better will it get? Will it still feel like anyone I trust will backstab me? I mean my own mother did twice my father did countless times same with my Nana, sister, sibling, pretty much everyone. I have a friend or two but Ive lost motivation to talk to them. I always make up excuses like "Oh I was practicing my French" or "Oh sorry my phone died" is it sad? I dont want to talk to most of my friends. I want them to forget me. They will eventually. Everyone will. Ill never make a big enough difference. Ill always be unhappy. I cant live just to experience life when lifes only been treating me like a dead rat. "Life gets better" is such an overused word. It used to help even a little. Now it just feels meaningless. "Lifes unfair" They say that a lot. Its true. So how about I stop experiencing the unfairness. I tried to work hard. To grow a channel. But my friends always did better. Why? Am I that bad? Am I that unlikeable? Am I that stupid? I shouldn't compare people but its hard when Ive tried everything to help my Youtube channel grow. But its never enough. Im never enough. But I shouldnt guilt trip people about it. Im not trying to if thats what it seems like. This is a rant book so im obviously going to rant in it. Sorry if that seemed passive agressive I dont know how to convey emotions in writing. I dont think ive let any of my online friends see me so unenthusiastic. But then again people on here could just feel pitty towards me. They dont like me. And frankly I dont like me either so I cant get upset at them for it. Ive skipped around topics on here enough so I guess I'll start signing off and stop waisting your time.

Bye-