The Elites

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

"Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that I what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you"

"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" – Taylor Swift

I wake up and groan at the bright light. I quickly switch Hope's lamp off, not wanting to stare at the bright light. I roll over, trying not to wake Hope but her side of the bed is empty. After what she told me last night, I don't like not knowing where she is.

"Hey" Hope says, appearing from her bathroom. "I worked out and had a shower" she informs me. I glance at my phone, it's eight am. She comes over and climbs back into her bed, lying down again. She's wearing a pink hoodie and grey tracksuit pants.

"You're an early bird" I comment. "Did you go on a run?" I don't know what other exercise she would have done, I doubt she went to the gym.

"No, I did weights, our second garage was turned into a gym" Hope replies. Of course her family have their own gym. Why am I still surprised by the lives of my peers? Hope is a billionaire, of course her parents would have a home gym, they probably all have their own personal trainer.

"I told Hunter I'd hang out with her this afternoon, but I can cancel if you need me" I tell Hope. Hunter will understand when she finds out about Reed.

"I'm having brunch with Wes, Isaac and Ashton later. Courtney's coming, too, she invited herself" Hope says, rolling her eyes. I ignore the jealousy that creeps up in me when I hear Isaac's name, I need to accept that she's still friends with him.

"If you ignore Courtney, she'll probably leave" I say and Hope laughs. I want to tell Hunter about what happened last night, but it's not my secret to tell. I need Hunter to realize she's still my best friend, Hope is wonderful but she's not my best friend. "Can I tell Hunter what happened?"

"I'm not going to force you to keep secrets from her, I know you're afraid she likes Chelsy more than you" Hope says, she didn't have to say that, she's not wrong, but she didn't have to say it. "No offense." Gee, why would I take offence?

"Thank you" I say, I'm grateful Hope is letting me tell Hunter, I know she doesn't really want Hunter to know the truth. "You have to tell your parents Reed came over, I think you should tell them the whole truth." I know I'm being an asshole by telling Hope she should come out to her parents, but I want to keep her safe.

"I actually think you're right" Hope replies, sighing. She must have thought about this while she was working out. "I'm tired of worrying about what they think, I want to find out if they'll still love me." Susan and Andrew aren't my favorite people so I have no idea how they'll react, but at least Hope will know.

"If you tell them, can we make this official?" I ask, I think I'm ready to come out to everyone. I want to be able to walk around school holding Hope's hand, I want to be able to invite my girlfriend over for dinner. I don't want to hide this anymore, I'm ready.

"Okay" Hope says, looking serious. "I'm not good at relationships, mainly because I make my own decisions without consulting others, but I want this to work."

"Me too" I say, meaning it. I want to be with Hope, there's nothing I want more. I'm falling fast and hard for her.

"Wes guessed we were a thing" Hope says hesitantly, as if she thinks I'll be mad at her. "He promised he wouldn't tell anyone, and he keeps promises." I don't care if Wes knows, he seems like a nice guy and he seems to have taken the role of Hope's older sibling, maybe it's something he feels he owes to Eleanor. Hope admitted to me that Eleanor dated Wes for the entirety of freshmen year and half of sophomore year, they still remained close when they broke up.

"I'm not bothered by him knowing" I assure Hope, the more people to know, the easier it will be for me to tell Melissa and William. I want my aunt and uncle to know about me and Hope, but I'm afraid of their reaction.

"Eleanor wanted to model while she was studying" Hope says thoughtfully, and she glances over to a photo of Eleanor on her desk. I look at it, too. With Eleanor's glossy hair, the color of pale gold, her ocean blue eyes, and flawless skin, she could have been a wildly successful model. She could have been signed with any modelling agency; I think they would have all wanted her. "Wes misses her, too."

"You'll both remember her forever" I reply, not sure exactly what Hope wants me to say. Nobody forgets someone they loved and lost, especially if they are lost in a tragic manner, Wes will always remember his first girlfriend. I know I'll miss my parents until the day I die, I think about them every single day, I've gotten used to their absence but it's still hard without them here.

"I always wished I looked like Eleanor" Hope says quietly. Hope is stunningly beautiful, too. With her bow-shaped lips, her chestnut curls, and her athletic body, she gets attention from many, many boys and probably some girls too.

"You're one of the most beautiful people I've seen" I say, and I kiss Hope. We both jerk away from each other when the door opens.

"God, Logan, have you heard of knocking?" Hope snaps, rolling her eyes at her younger brother. Logan doesn't look suspicious; I don't think he thinks we were up to anything.

"I knew Juliet was here, it's not like you'd be naked in front of her" Logan defends himself, sounding every bit as annoyed as his sister did a few moments before. My cheeks flame when I think about Hope naked in front of me.

"Of course not. Anyway, what's up?" Hope says, glancing over at me. I hear footsteps and soon Mason joins his brother at the door. I don't know if I always see them together because they're really close or if it's because they don't go to our school. They will next year, it'll be weird seeing them as freshmen, they seem so much younger than I am, even though there's only a few years between us.

"Mom and dad decided we're having a family dinner tonight, they're ordering pizza" Logan says, as if this should mean something to Hope. Hope groans at his words, they mustn't have family dinner a lot if it's a big deal to Hope.

"What have you done?" Mason asks Hope accusingly. Oh, I get it. Family dinner and pizza means somebody's in trouble.

"I've actually been fairly harmless lately" Hope replies with a shrug, not seeming offended at her brother's words. "It must be something to do with the case." Mason's expression softens and Logan looks sympathetic.

"Do you need anything?" Logan asks, I think he wants to support Hope, he just isn't sure how.

"I'm ok, really, I'm seeing my friends later" Hope replies. Her friends and Courtney. Maybe Courtney has changed and wants to use brunch as a chance to apologize. Yeah, on second thought, that's not possible.

"I'm guessing it's Ashton and Wes?" Mason asks.

"Isaac's coming too, and Courtney decided to tag along" Hope says, rolling her eyes. Her brothers share similar expressions, they've clearly heard all about Courtney.

"I don't know how you handled having her in your friendship group" I comment, Courtney drives me insane and I don't have much to do with her. Hope's hung out with her so much in the past few years, I have no idea how she managed it.

"Same, you should go somewhere else for brunch" Logan suggests, it's a good idea except Courtney will use the situation to cause some massive drama that no one can be bothered dealing with. Can't Courtney just hang out with some of the cheerleaders or study or something? Why is she spending her weekends annoying Hope?

"Anyway, we're making pancakes if guys want any" Mason says and the two head downstairs. I wish someone would make me pancakes on a regular basis.

"Are they really close?" I ask Hope. I don't know much about Hope's family, even with everything we've been though, she doesn't talk about her brothers much. I know she's close to the twins and Salvatore, but she hardly mentions them.

"Yeah, they're besties, they always hang out together and do the same sports" Hope replies and she gets out of bed. "Come on, let's go help them make pancakes, they'll probably burn down the kitchen." I laugh and follow her downstairs.