Suddenly, Still You

18

Naubos ko na ang dalawang bote ng san mig kaya medyo tipsy na ata ako. Kaya nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na maglandi. Ano na Avi? Rupok mo girl. Kaya pa?

"How can someone be so handsome like you?"I blurted out. "Why so gwapo ba love? Namimiss ko tuloy..."

"What did you miss?"he asked. Hinayaan akong magsalita ng kung ano ano lang. Di naman sya lasing eh. High tol niya pre. Grabe.

"I miss you! Your touch,your hugs,your smell, your scent, ahh and your kisses. I miss all of those. Can you kiss me,love?"I chirped. Alcohol really. Its because of the alcohol though. Shit! Alcohol.

"I would love to baby. But you are drunk. You cannot give a proper consent when your drunk. I can't"he hissed. He then touched the bridge of his perfect nose. Parang pinipigilan ang sarili.

"Di mo ko namiss? Damn! Love, 8 years! Eight fucking years and still you. Shiit. What did I just say?"once na may alcohol na dumadaloy sa katawan ko, dumadaloy na rin ata ng kung anong butterfly sa tiyan ko at bigla bigla nalang akong may sinasabi. Fuck! Alcohol.

"I miss you baby"he said while staring at me. "So much. That I regret those years na sumuko ako sa atin. Sayo. Naging duwag ako para sabihin sayo ang totoo. I wanted you so bad Avi. I wanted you to be with me. To be with my arms again. Lahat ng gusto ko,puro ikaw lang. Gusto ko ikaw palagi. Gusto kong mabalik ka saken. Gustong-gusto na kitang yakapin noong unang araw pa lang na nagkita tayo ulit. Gusto kitang ilayo na lang sa lahat kasi akin ka but that was so selfish of mine. I wanted to kiss you,to be near with you. I don't know,its just that you are always been here"he pointed his heart. "You were never gone. Fuck, I still love you Avi. I still do. Always"his tears keeps on falling from his cheeks. I was amused.

Siya rin pala. Nasaktan rin pala siya. Maybe, I was just too selfish para isiping ako lang ang nasaktan sa nangyari sa relasyon namin noon. I was so overwhelmed with anger and hatred towards him na nakalimutan kong isipin na nasasaktan rin siya. Di lang ako ang dapat na magdesisyon sa relasyon namin kasi dalawa kaming bumuo sa ikaw at ako. Hindi pala ako lang kasi merong ikaw Fretch. Sana nabigyan ko siya ng panahon na mag explain sa side niya but I did not. I let him go. I let him suffered when I am suffering the pain too. I was too dumb to realize it, just now.

Naiiyak na rin ako. Sinusubukang iabsorb lahat ng sinabi niya kanina. I was tipsy but when I saw him tearing up para atang nag sober ako.

"I am sorry Fretch. I was so selfish, I was bad at you. I'm sorry. Hindi ko inisip na nasasaktan ka rin. I was too blinded with the jealousy and anger years ago. I did not listen to you. When in fact, you are always been there for me listening with all my dramas in life back then. I was wrong. I am sorry"

"No, baby. You are not wrong. Our past made us stronger now. I guess, we really need to grew apart in order to grow individually. But one thing that never change, is that my love for you. I love you. Please remember that. Always"he held my chin in order for me to face him. He then kissed my forehead.

"Are you not mad at me?" I asked him.

"I was mad at myself. Yeah, I'll be honest, I was mad at first kasi bakit ganoon lang kadali sayo yun lahat. Bakit ang dali mong bumitaw? Bakit di ka lumaban? But then I realized, mas mahal kita kaysa sa nararamdaman kong galit. And it turned out, I was so mad at myself for not keeping you. I am sorry baby"

"Shhh, let's not talk on our past anymore. Let's just move on and be free. I guess, we do not owe each other's explaination now ha?"I rested my head on his chest. Ahh. This is my safest place. In his chest,in his heart,in his.