Belonging to the Bad Boy

Chapter 21

Yesterday felt like a whirlwind, with far to many events and far to many emotions to have tried to comprehend this morning. I woke up to the sound of my alarm, but before I could do anything it was shut off. That's when I felt the heat next to me and remembered everything. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt way to emotional for life this morning.

Luckily my dad had already left when Ranger and I woke up so there didn't have to be any sneaking around or uncomfortable explanations as to why he was there. He left just after we woke up to go back to his own house to change before going to school. I said I'd meet him there. I got dressed in comfortable clothes today, wearing a pair of black joggers, a long sleeved, fitted top tucked in, and my biking boots with my leather jacket over top.

I got to school just before the bell, my demeanour obviously off. I was quieter than usual and could barely hold a conversation. Flynn, George and Damon noticed this but had no idea as to what happened yesterday besides my hand, and, to be fair to them, they immediately asked how I was feeling after the whole ordeal. I couldn't even talk to them though, giving a quick response and simply following behind them through the halls.

Ranger missed first period, saying he had been scolded by his parents about staying out all night. He let it slip that it was about me, and this was the first time they had heard about me and held him captive to ask a million questions. Who was I, what was going on, when could they meet me. The usual questions parents ask when they first find out something a bit more serious than a fling is happening.

Ranger noticed that I was off too, but knowing everything that happened he didn't press about it, simply trying to be there for me. I was grateful, but didn't want to be around anyone. His hugs and kisses were nice, warm and safe, but there was something lingering inside me that needed something different. I was a strange sensation, and I hadn't felt it in a while. It wasn't the need to feel safe, or warm, or complete. It was for guidance and comfort, and the only person who could give that now, couldn't.

I had a free period before lunch and tried spending it in the library, but I couldn't stomach the silence that it bought. I then tried to wander around the school's grounds, but even fresh air and birds chirping in the crisp breeze wasn't enough. I found myself on my motorcycle, speeding away from the school, careless of my actions right now. I didn't care if anyone knew were I was, or where I was going. Honestly, I didn't know where I was going, I just went.

It wasn't long before I recognised the lines of trees on each side of the road, the trees thickening the further down I went. I turned left onto the mud road, flying down it until I came to a hard stop. I threw my helmet onto my bike and quickly trudged through the forest, my legs quickly and desperately carrying me to the place I knew I could be alone, un-found, and safe to grieve all over again.

I reach the clearing that shows the river and stop, taking a breath as I all but ran here. I look at the large rock that I always sit on when I get here, making my way over to it, but something pulls me towards the river. I make a detour from the rock, b-lining for the large river. It wasn't too fast flowing as it hadn't rained in about a week. I stand at the edge, almost immediately relaxing as the sound of flowing water fills my ears. I see a little bridge not far from where I'm stood and make the decision to make my way over to it.

As I get closer I see it's broken, the middle of it completely gone, washed away by the river presumably, but the edge planks of what used to be the bridge are still there. I take my shoes off, placing them on the grass and climb the small bridge, hanging my legs over the edge and letting the gentle water envelope my feet. I'm glad I wore comfortable and warm clothes as the breeze whipping through the trees was cold, as was the river, but I felt more at peace.

I smell lavender and smile, knowing it was my mothers favourite smell, and it dawns on my why I love the smell. I smile sadly, letting my mind wander to the countless memories I had of her. All of my birthdays, our 'girls only' trips for the day. I reminisced on the simple things, like watching a movie together, or going on a walk to a new, undiscovered place. Taking picnics everywhere we went, taking endless photos of our adventures.

Despite my mind flipping through the endless amounts of amazing memories of my mother, it drifts into the dark corners I try to keep locked. It's like a mental block, or wall, I fight to keep it up, to keep all of my sadness and missing out of the rest of my mind. I don't want to be consumed like I was when she first left. I don't think I, or my dad, could handle that darkness again. I feel tears begin to glide down my cheeks, effortlessly escaping my eyes as I think about seeing her for the last time in that hospital bed. How skinny she was, her skin grey and cold, her hands clammy but soft and gentle as always. How her sunken eyes looked at me with so much sadness and sorrow as she said goodbye, a couple of tears dripping down and staining her fragile cheeks. How I could hardly hold her without hurting her. How she slipped away as I held her hand. At least I was with her until the end. At least we both were.

My tears are streaming freely now, sobs escaping me as I hold myself tight, my arms wrapped around me, fists clenched. I rock slightly, feeling vulnerable and alone again, feeling the all consuming darkness taking over. "Ally," I hear in the distance. I take a sharp breath in, not expecting anyone to be here, never mind someone I knew. I try to quiet myself and peer down the river, seeing Ranger stood by the rock he expected me to be at, frantically looking around.

"I was sure she'd be here!" He exclaimed, and I realised he was on the phone. I frown, wondering how many people would be looking for me. It was only then I realised that the sun had started to go down and I'd spent hours thinking about my mother. "Don't shout at me, you didn't know she was gone either!... I know we have a 'thing' but that doesn't mean she told me anything!" I heard him shouting into the phone, obvious panic in his voice. I assumed he was talking to Damon, and I hoped they hadn't told my father.

I stand up, wobbling a little from being sat down so long, and being dizzy from crying for long. I grab my boots, slipping them on after quickly drying my feet, only now realising how cold I was. I wrap my arms around myself again and begin to walk towards Ranger. "Ally, please. Come on, I'm so worried," I heard Ranger say and my heart skipped a beat knowing he cared so much. He only further confirmed this, saying to Damon, "I like her so much, man, I just hope she's okay."

"I like you too," I try to say, but my voice is croaked, hoarse and quiet from the hours of crying. His head snaps in my direction, and I'm glad he heard me as I don't think I'd have the power to say it any louder.

"I see her!" He shouts, literally running straight for me as I begin to enter the clearing again. I trip on something, maybe a tree trunk; whatever it was, I found myself falling forwards and I wasn't strong or fast enough to catch myself. I braced for an impact that never came. Instead, I was embraced in warmth, surrounded by mint and lavender and I found myself inhaling deeply.

Ranger hushed me, steadying me back to my feet. "I've got you. I've always got you," he whispered, his phone no longer in his pocket. He must have finished his phone call, but I wasn't sure. I was too tired now to notice.

"I love how you smell," I mumble, unable to manage anything above a whisper, but it elicits a small chuckle through Ranger, his chest vibrating gently. "I'm tired." He nods, telling me he knew, telling me everyone had been looking for hours. He knew I'd be here, somewhere, but he didn't want to lead anyone here, knowing I felt safe and he didn't want that to ever stop. I simply nod, trying to tell him that's exactly why I was here. It felt like home. He hushes me again, scooping me up into his arms. He tells me were going home and I agree, just hoping he'd stay with me forever.