Anhedonia [poetry collection]

blinded

You were my drug and you made my body weak;
you controlled my sleep and made it hard to speak.
My mind was louder than my pitiful words;
how mean to myself I was; it hurts.
Your presence was like cologne; it lingered for days;
I wanted to fall asleep with that bittersweet taste.

My life was a blank paper and you were my favorite crayon;
your chest was supposed to be my pillow to lay on;
I was scared to be yours yet I was scared to lose you;
I was avoiding the loneliness I could fall into;
maybe I was too easy for you.
You opened my heart to the light of your darkness;
and suddenly I was attracted to your constant sadness.

Your place in my life wasn't earned, it was free;
I should've known that your dreams weren't about me;
was I too clingy or were you ungrateful?
Maybe our days weren't that fateful.
I always knew I had a better choice;
But I was stuck dancing to the tune of your voice.