Anhedonia [poetry collection]

red string

I knew it was fate when you came back to my life;
like an ocean wave on a summer night;
your name came up unexpectedly, so randomly;
I suddenly forgot all the hurtful words you said to me.
Excitement filled my heart and it felt like a drumbeat;
I couldn't believe our eyes are, once again, gonna meet.
It felt like a string connected our deepest sympathies;
I was locked in your past and you had all the keys.
You were the aurora that emerged my passion;
you made me want to put my poems to action;
my days will no longer be so bitter;
if you pull my strings to create a sinner.

I was in joy thinking of our light;
it was the only time I wished for a shorter night;
but my thoughts were too difficult to harness;
when I saw you packed your bags with your darkness.
I romanticized your distant behaviour;
I was still waiting for your touch to savor.
My heart ached for your wicked smile;
the one that would evoke this forbidden fire;
my expectations reached its limit;
I couldn't say hello, I was too timid.
At least I felt a spark of hope, one so small yet powerful;
it was the only time I saw the world so colourful.

Your tongue possesed a love for poison;
you loved spreading your mindful noise;
the pain you caused gave a sense of connection;
I fell in love with your hateful affection.
After all these months I still crave to be in your  arms;
I willingly want to cause my heart a lot of harm.
You can play the piano while I sing;
my agony ringing in my ears; what a dazzling thing.
I don't dance in the fields of your mind;
in the room I'm not the one your eyes try to find;
so after all these months I ask:

Are soulmates connected with red string
or was it just me who drew one with plain ink?