Keyakizaka46 one shots

My mistake - Yuichanzu (A)

Cars pass by on the streets below, legs tangled in sheets of the hotel room bed, bodies shrouded in darkness save for the light of the city outside the window. Skin glistens with sweat, lungs gasp for breath, but there's no satisfaction in the post coital haze. One lies awake riddled with guilt, the other with heartbreak.

It wasn't meant to be like this, with Yui laid beside zuumin naked and exposed to the older girl. Well, maybe to Yui it was. Was a dream for her to be able to tangle her body with the girl she loves so much's own, loves so much it filled her chest with tendrils that wrapped around her heart and squeezed until she felt as though she couldn't breathe unless it was Zuumin breathing life into her heart and mind and soul. Was a dream for her to feel wanted by the other girl. To be embraced by her and kissed until any and all thoughts became meaningless.

It wasn't meant to end with zuumin laying beside her, staring at the ceiling with a blank look on her face. Wasn't meant to end with yui's stomach dropping as the high fades away. Wasn't meant to end in pain and regret.

Yui knows what she is to zuumin. Knows she's just a useful friend for when zuumin feels lonely. When zuumin's heart is across oceans yet yui feels like hers is across galaxies despite the older girl lying on the other side of the bed. Knows how pathetic she sounds when she texts zuumin, asks if she wants any company, knowing exactly where it will lead.

Yet she lets herself succumb to the temptation again and again and again.

Zuumin sits up, back facing yui as she looks out the window, across the ocean where her heart currently is. Yui swallows the pain crawling up her throat in the form of tears, stares at zuumin's bare back like it's the last time she'll ever see it. She catches herself doing that a lot lately, knowing it's only a matter of time before zuumin finally admits out loud what yui really is to her.

A mistake.

"Thanks for coming," zuumin mutters, and yui knows that's her cue to get up. Her cue to leave and pretend nothing happened in this hotel room. Pretend that she didn't lose another piece of her heart somewhere in the sheets, pretend that being zuumin's friend is enough to keep her breathing.

"Of course," she whispers back quietly, slowly but surely standing to redress herself. She moves slowly, like always, praying zuumin will ask her to stay or say something, anything, to her.

But she never does. They never talk in the hotel room, and yui knows they shouldn't. Knows what she would say if she allowed herself to.

Once she's dressed and headed for the door, she hears a quiet call of her name, her heart leaping in her chest as she turns to face the girl she's loved for all of these years, silently praying that zuumin will finally, finally ask her to stay.

"Risao can't know."

She knew the words were coming, but it doesn't stop them from cutting deeper than any knife ever could.

"Don't worry," yui says as she turns back towards the door, an easy way to hide the tear that slides down her cheek. "She won't."