Ashton Enchanted » [cashton] √

2.7

Calum wanted to hang out. 

Just as friends, he'd assured Ashton, and he didn't want to seem full of himself, but recent events told him that just wasn't going to happen. And unfortunately, Ashton didn't really have the luxury to indulge Calum, as much as it might be easy to fall into, touching and giggling, secret sharing and hand-holding. At the end of the day, if he actually asked Ashton out, he knew he'd have to say no, which was cruel, right? He was leading him on. 

Well... he wasn't leading him on, he guessed, he did like Calum, like a lot. But he supposed from everyone else's perspective that's what it would look like, and probably what it would feel like from Calum's end too. 

So he was hiding; he'd told Crystal he had to borrow a book for an essay and disappeared into the boy's bathroom for the entire lunch. 

Things had seemed to work in his favour until he was washing his hands, ready to leave the bathroom and head toward his locker as the end of lunch neared. Then the door had opened. 

"Hey! I was just in the library looking for you," Calum said happily. 

Ashton swallowed, "really? I just came in here to freshen up a bit, splash some cold water on my face," he said. 

Calum moved closer, right into Ashton's personal space, and he took the tips of Ashton's finger in his own hand, "Lucky then, I came to see if you wanted to head into the record store again this Friday," 

The feel of Calum's hand on his own had his repressed little heart beating a mile a minute in his chest. He opened his mouth and then closed it, shifting his eyes from Calum's to the hand and then back up again, "I thought we decided we were just going to leave things the way they were," his eyes gestured to their hands. 

"You and Luke hold hands all the time; it's no different than that, is it?" he asked innocently. 

And Ashton had a distinct feeling there was nothing innocent about the question; he was backed into a corner; it was either play along or admit that meant more because it was more, "I guess you're right," he said, blushing. 

Calum held his gaze for a moment, a small smile on his face, "I've gotta pee; I'll catch up with you at the lockers?" he asked. 

"Uh, yeah, sounds good," Ashton flushed again and let his hand slip-free, moving past Calum and out the door; he picked up the pace once he was in the hall racing to his locker, knowing the others would be waiting there. 

Luke gave him a big stupid smile, and Ashton gave him a reserved smile back as he quickly put his things away in his locker. He felt Luke wrap his arms around his waist and rest his chin on his shoulder. 

He awkwardly brushed the younger man off, "sorry, I- just I don't want to set a precedent for people to touch me whenever they want; it's nothing personal," the frown on Luke's face disagreed, but he nodded. 

Michael and Crystal seemed to share a look, "everything alright, Ash? Did Calum find you?" she asked quietly. 

"Ah yeah, he did, and that reminds me, can one of you remind me in front of Calum that we made plans for Friday?" He asked, looking around, and the clearly concerned faces in front of him staring back at him assured him the pleading look on his face was far too desperate. 

"Ash, what's up, man?" Luke asked, moving closer again. 

He sighed, "Calum and I decided that we would be just friends-

"And you're upset about that?" Michael asked; Crystal and Luke both shot him looks. 

"No," he shook his head quickly, "we decided that and now he's pushing it, and I don't know, there was a reason I said that and I need him to stop," Ashton didn't realise until that moment, but he was starting to shake, and his throat felt tight as he swallowed. 

"Why are you pretending like you don't like him all of a sudden?" Michael asked; his tone was annoyed. 

Ashton tried to even out his voice, "I don't, and I don't need you guys all hating me when I tell him I don't, there's no point leading him on," he said as firmly as he could manage, "I just think it's best if we don't let it get any worse," he let out a shaky breath as he spoke. He knew he needed to get away from them quickly; a panic attack was only a minute or two away. 

"Well, it's a bit late for that," Michael started, "you made him like you and now-" 

"Michael," Luke said, his tone warning, and Michael stopped rolling his eyes, then Luke slung an arm around Ashton's shoulder and was leading him off. 

He might have complained or kicked up some sort of stink, but he was still shaking like before, and his breathing was growing more and more laboured. 

"It's okay," Luke's voice told him, running a reassuring hand up and down his arm, "deep breaths, in through the nose out through the mouth," he told him quietly. 

Ashton did as he was told, "where are we going?" he asked, not recognising where they were.

"Back oval, no one will bother us there," he said. 

"Are you really going to ditch to help me fight a panic attack I'm having about not wanting to date your best friend," 

Luke chuckled, "I'm ditching class to help my friend deal with his very overwhelming feelings about my other friend. I don't think people get this worked up over trying not to date people; not dating people is pretty easy; I've done it most of my life now,"

Ashton chuckled, but it was laboured due to the tightness that remained in his chest, "I'm pretty transparent, aren't I?" he asked. 

The younger man hummed, patting Ashton's arm as they walked, "I'd say it's one of my favourite things about you," he admitted, pausing for a long moment, "so do you want to tell me what's changed your mind about Calum?" 

Ashton was glad that they reached the edge of the oval; it gave him a moment to think about what he would say as he sat himself down on the grass. They were laying side by side when he decided what it was he was going to say, "nothing's changed, I just guess I never thought Calum would be interested in me, so I never took it seriously, and now I'm not ready," he said, deciding that it was pretty much the truth of the matter. 

Luke made a noise of understanding, and then he dropped a handful of grass on Ashton's face. 

The older boy sputtered, "do you mind?" 

Luke started giggling, "not really," he dropped more grass; on Ashton's stomach this time. "So why don't you think you're ready?" 

He sighed, "I'm terrified and-, and I don't trust him," it was a painful admission to make, and Ashton's cheeks were flaming red. Again what he'd said was true, but it was just the tip of the iceberg. Ashton didn't trust anyone, not really; he just didn't have the luxury of trust. 

"Do you trust him as much as me?" Luke asked quietly. Ashton turned his head, so he was facing him, and he nodded, "And who do you trust more than me?" 

"Maybe Crystal," he admitted. 

"So maybe it's not that he's untrustworthy; you just need to be more trusting," Luke told him simply, throwing a glance and small smile his way before looking back up at the tree above them. 

Ashton sighed, "easier said than done, I suppose," 

"I know, but you can't go through life not trusting anyone, pretty isolating," he said simply. 

"That's true," he admitted and rolled himself on his side, wrapping his arm around Luke's middle and pulling himself in close, "thank you for getting me out of there, I would have embarrassed myself if I'd stayed," 

Luke rubbed his back comfortingly, "it's okay," he paused, "are you going to give Calum a chance now? Or still sure you wanna break his heart and crush his soul?" he laughed.

"That's the point of ending it before it starts, to avoid all that," his chin was resting on Luke's chest as he spoke. 

"Awh Ash, it's already started; you're going to hurt his feelings no matter when you reject him, so you gotta make your decision soon."