Maybe We Shouldn't Know About This (But We Do Anyway) (a UA fanfic)

XII

"Hey, Luther?" Five called. Luther turned to face his twin. "Klaus and I will have coffee in the café, you want to join?"

"Nah-" Luther shook his head. "I'm just going to rest up a bit."

"Alright-" Five nods, patting their brother's upper arm. "Don't let what Schneider said get to you."

Five left, closing the door behind them. Luther sat on his bed, seemingly deep in thought. Was he ever wanted in his life? Genuinely wanted for him in his life and not for what he can give? Schneider only saw him as a burden to their life- and he was. Correction: he still is. Reginald only bought him for his power- and when he's unusable to him (after he 'modified' his body without his consent), he disregarded him like a boy done with his old toy.

Allison rumoured him to love her- and he wasn't freed of the spell until now. All the kisses, all the secret dates, all the discrete hand-holding, all the efforts in turning the cameras in her room, all the plans, all done without him actually willing to do any of it. She wanted what he can give, not him. She didn't care about him. She had to toy with his heart- even until now. He couldn't stop being toyed by her.

He had to rage and fucking consume so many drugs and alcohol that he was defenceless against that girl from the rave who took advantage of his intoxicated state- he should've been able to fight her, he has super strength! But he didn't! Every time he thinks about that moment, he wonders if he actually wants it- no, the answer's no- and why the fuck didn't he fight her off- because he's a weak girl, that's why. No men get played as he did.

He causes misery to all those around him. Ruby, Elliot, Schneider, Vanya, Klaus, Ben. He puts Ruby in debt because he couldn't fucking regulate his emotions. He killed Elliot just because he dared to be nice to him and house him. He caused Schneider to live their life in constant misery because he exists. He brought back all of Vanya's trauma and made her a wheelchair-bound amnesiac. He killed Klaus just because he lets his emotions run all through him and cloud his rational thinking. He killed Ben to maintain his own- a life he wonders if it's really worth saving. If only he let himself die that day, at least he'll die wanted.

Now, look at him.

Not even his body wanted him. Luther thought all this body hatred would end after he's done with his testosterone intake and SRS. But no, he had to fucking turn into such a freak. He thought he should be grateful that Reginald combined his DNA with a male ape- even with all the body loathing, he's still a man- but he isn't. He isn't at all. This isn't his body, this is something else.

It's time he returned it.

Luther moved to sit next to the hotel telephone, wrapping his fingers around the hilt and pressing the code.

"Hello, what can we help you with?" The person on the other end said.

"Can I request room service?" Luther asked.

"Service with what?"

"Just cleaning," Luther answered.

"Please give us 5 minutes to reach your room."

Luther hanged the phone up, impatiently waiting for a hotel worker to knock in his room. He supposed he can grab a hotel-provided pen and paper- that lays beside him- and wrote a quick haiku.

My sweet, lovely twin
I'll be gone, don't look for me
I'll return it quick

Number One

Luther cringed as he wrote 'Number One', but that is his name. Number One. Not Luther, not Spaceboy, not anything else. Number One. Luther folds the paper and placed it on the table, just in time he heard a knock on his door.

"Room service!" The voice called out. Luther quickly scrambled onto the door, letting the janitor come in.

"Hello! What do you need?" The janitor asked.

"Just sweep the floor," Luther answered. The janitor nodded and took the broom, working on sweeping the floor. Luther steps out, standing beside the janitor tray full of things. Giving one look at the janitor to make sure that the janitor is looking away, he swiftly grabbed a bottle and hid it inside his many jackets.

"Will that be all, Sir?" The janitor asked once they're done, looking up to see his face.

"Yes, thank you." Luther nods. The janitor nodded and started to leave the room.

Luther entered the room, locking the door behind him. He took off his clothes and wore the nicest ones he brought to Germany, which is a navy blue coat and a woollen forest green turtleneck with a pair of navy blue trousers. With his shoes on and re-tied to make sure it's a perfect knot, he lays down the bed, the bottle sitting on a table next to him.

Here goes nothing.

Luther twisted the cap of the bottle to open it. The very strong smell of the liquid engulfed him, and Luther had to sneeze. Luther stared at the clear-and-runny liquid that sits within the bottle, sighing to himself before taking a breath in again. With one swift move, he ran the liquid down his throat, not giving a fuck over how much.

He wants this to be quickly over, doesn't he?

He doesn't bother to hide the bottle- why should he? His body doesn't work the same way as anyone else's. He had to fight hard and wait long before the cells of his body gave up regenerating and let him sleep. Five and Klaus are having coffee in a café and if Luther knew them well, he'd know they're never quick in having coffee. Besides, the door is locked- they'd have to break in the door first before getting inside.

He needs to return what was given to him.