Supercut [ spencer reid x reader ] ✔️

VIII.

If y'all wanna feel some things during the flashback, I'd advise listening to "I Lost a Friend" by Finneas. And later on in the chapter, I'd advise listening to "Angel" by Finneas. Also, the whole The First Time playlist is on Spotify and it hits different when you read.

Spencer leans against one of the outside walls of FBI Headquarters, his gaze downcast, eyes focusing on the little ants making their way to the grass. His hand is in his pocket, fiddling with the phone he never uses, his mind somewhere far away from Quantico. The hot breeze hits him, ruffling his short hair.

He pulls out his phone, staring down at it. He'd gotten a new phone since college, a new number. The Bureau required it. He grips the phone, thinking that if he looks at it long enough, it might give him the advice he needs. Swallowing the lump in his throat, his fingers press the buttons, the number he memorized years ago still locked away in his brain. The number he'd been wanting to call for three years, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. His finger hovers over the call button, hesitating.

"Spencer?"

He whips his head around, eyes landing on Elle by the door leading into Headquarters. He quickly shoves his phone back in his pocket, offering her a half-hearted smile.

"Elle."

"What are you doing out here all alone?" She asks, walking over to him with her arms crossed. The wind blows through her hair, and she pushes it out of her face.

"I—uh...I was just thinking."

"Care to share?"

Spencer hesitates a moment before looking at Elle, her brown eyes scanning his face. "I graduated from Caltech with my third PhD three years ago today." His voice is quiet.

Elle nods slowly. "Is...how is that any different from your other graduations?"

Spencer's quiet, trying to suppress the tears he feels threatening to prick at his eyes. He swallows the lump in his throat, his hand gripping the phone in his pocket.

Elle's face softens. "Spencer, did you leave someone behind in California?" When he doesn't answer, she tilts her head. "Did you have a girlfriend?"

"She wasn't my girlfriend," Spencer says, biting the inside of his cheek. "She...I..."

"You loved her, though," Elle remarks, moving to touch Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer lets her, fixing his gaze again on the ants. "I didn't know I loved her at the time." Spencer clears his throat, trying to keep his voice even. "I didn't stay in touch because...I was scared." He laughs bitterly. "And it's so funny because I fucked it up. I think about her all the time and she probably doesn't even remember me."

"Spencer," Elle says firmly. He turns his head to look at her, tears threatening to spill over. "If she loved you as much as you loved her, she still thinks about you. Trust me."