delivered ; hood

letter five

dear calum,

there's nothing more than i want more than to hear you knocking at my door at 1am stumbling into my room in a fit of giggles and handing me fast food, like we use to but in reality you arriving anytime would be good..

if only i could just see your face once more i would die a happy girl.

i can't stand being here without you, im so lonely calum i need you to come home.

i really do not know why i feel this way, well of course i do because you we're the love of my life i don't know how i feel about you leaving however. i just miss you so fucking much and you couldn't even bring yourself to call me, not any of my 4 friends could not even once?

and if you call me at 4am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep. if you need to cry i will not wipe your tears away because you are only human and sometimes tears are as close to laughter as you can get and that's okay. if you get sleepy i will let you drool on my arm and I won't laugh at you if you snore too loud. if you need to yell so hard that your voice cracks and your knees fail I will hold you up and yell with you. if you gets so angry you punch your hands red I will ice your knuckles and tell you that wounds heal inside and out, and just like the cold that is harsh and burning, I will be the warmth to smooth you and make you feel better. I will love you.

Calum, the second best thing i ever did was sitting next to you that day in grade two when you were eating glue and i made you stop.

the first, well the first was loving you.

i feel so lost without you, why did you leave calum why? mum mentioned that it would be good for me to get out the house, apparently im being antisocial and i haven't really talked to anyone since you left not even my own father speaks to me anymore, i hide away from the world and i guess i'm just sad and mad so here i am sitting in the old burger grill down the road writing this stupid fucking letter that you won't get but hey guess who happened to pop up on the news, you calum.

im starting to realize i don't know what to do with myself, maybe i should get over the fact that your gone, but some reason i cant.

come home.

please.

with love kira x