Attempt (Currently being edited)

Sadie Perkins

Sadie Perkins: 17 years old: Aspiring violinist: Hobbies include talking to cute boys, going to cafes, and music

Today was the day. Where I would see how it all played out. Which picture would be chosen, who would say words, and who wouldn’t know who I was. Sadie was in charge of most things at the schools memorial. My brother saw no one else fit for the job besides her, my best friend. An announcement was made for everyone who wanted to come, to report to the auditorium. Watching the people come in, I came to the conclusions that a fourth of them only came to get out of class, hey your welcome. Everyone was whispering, I guess not everyone knew what had happened. Sadie sat beside Taylor in the front row. Taylor was red eyed from crying. It made me want to hug them, I had always done whatever I could to make them happy when they were down. I almost wanted to cry.

The principle said some generic words that he would have said even if it were some other student. Then he placed a purple rose below the picture of me, which I must say I look great in it. You go Sadie! Now anyone could come up and say whatever they wanted. Sadie was at her feet in seconds and at the microphone, lowering it so she could speak. She took a deep breath and began to speak, “In the recent months, Adelaide had grown distant from me and I wasn’t sure why,” this was true, I had hardly talked to her at all this month, which was awful for me to do to her, but I figured it would make it easier for her. Which it seems to have done, I smiled. “But when we did talk, she was kind and patient so I knew I did noting wrong. She was always there putting a smile on my face when I needed it most. When I came over her house in the middle of the night because I had a fight with my boyfriend, she wouldn’t be angry or annoyed; she would make me a cup of tea, and let me sleep in her bed while she played an old record. I think that’s what I will miss most, having someone there and ready to help me no matter what. And I can’t believe I will never be able to travel the world with her, like we planned, making memories and writing about wherever we went on some blog that no one will read,” she smiled sadly, “I love you Adelaide, fly high,” she said resulting in applause from the students seated. She placed two roses at the bottom of the picture and stared at it for a moment before she returned to a sobbing Taylor.

I was almost hurt that Sadie was perfectly fine. I knew she was a tough girl emotionally but we have been joined at the hip since pre-k then again maybe it was because I had distanced myself from her. She rubbed Tays’ back in attempt to calm her down. One by one people went up saying a few words, a few of my teachers even did. Then it was over, people could stay as long as they wanted, and councilors were at the school for the rest of the week to help out people. About seventy-five percent of the people had left. My friends, the soccer teams, some of my brothers’ friends, and some people I didn’t remember ever talking to stayed. Sadie went around talking to people, especially my soccer girls. They talked about all the fun we had had at team sleepovers. “I don’t know what we are going to do about defense because she was honestly the best defensive player the team has had in years,” the freshman who sat on the bench the whole season said. Do I feel bad not knowing her name? A little bit, but she was rarely at practices, how she made the team I don’t know.

 Sadie went to the back of the auditorium and began to write stuff down, and then scribbled it out, only to write again, and scribble. She seemed angry, but as if I was there telling her what to do, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This is what I would tell her to do when she came over late at night. I smiled knowing she would get through this. She and a handful of others stayed the entire day, and when the bell rang they left as if it were any other day.

When Sadie arrived home, instead of her usual routine of watching too many episodes of New Girl, she went upstairs and into the shower. Okay perve’s, it wasn’t showing me her naked and showering, it was showing me the door to her bathroom. Now she was home alone, with the shower running, it would probably drown out what she was about to do, but or whatever reason it didn’t. Clear as day I listened to her begin to cry, and break down. The lack of steam from under the door meant the water was cold, but the tears would always be hot. 

In all our years of friendship, I had never once seen her cry. She was never one to let her emotions get to her, and here she was crying. I jumped at the sound of her screaming in distress. When the shower stopped, the crying didn’t. She walked out in her pajamas, and went into her room, her face was blotchy from crying. She flopped on her bed facing the ceiling, eyes unblinking, and breaths uneven. Everything in her life had always somehow turned out alright, and for the first time she knew it wouldn’t, she didn’t know what to do. She pulled out her phone, dialed a number and waited. She clicked to speaker phone, as the voicemail sounded. “Hey it’s me, sorry I didn’t pick up, you can leave a message or call again,” *Beep* She hung up and called again. It was the same voicemail, mine, but this time she talked. 

“Hey Adelaide, I am having a shit day and I don’t know what to do. Me and Nate didn’t get in a fight again, don’t worry. I know we haven’t been talking a lot this month, I know you’ve been going through a lot, but I need you, so please don’t ignore me. I uh, don’t know what to do…” she whispered, her hand went over her mouth as she cried silently, tears falling down the side of her face. “It’s really bad, I… I could barely hold it in, well I think I will stop by anyways, so see you soon,” she gasped, hanging up the phone. She wiped her eyes and wrote a note to her mother telling her where she was going. 

My father answered the door, he took a deep breath, “Sadie, come in,” I knew it was hard. I could see the tears forming in his eyes. 

“Sorry, I just didn’t know what to do and…” she started crying again. Her hands covered her face as she stood there shaking. My dad hugged her awkwardly, his hand on the back of her head, “Its okay, we are all going through this,” he told her, after clearing his throat. Luckily my brother came down the stairs. 

“Hey Sadie, want to come with me?” it wasn’t really a question, but she agreed. She followed him down the hall, “Hey, you will be alright, you’re strong, and you know Adelaide wouldn’t want to see you upset. Here’s what you’re going to do, I am going to go out there and make some tea, you can put on whatever record makes you feel closer to Adelaide, and then I am going to give you something to read. Feel free to spend the night if you need, we are here for you,” He told her. She nodded but went into my room. She picked out my favorite album, The Stranger, she hated Billy Joel, although it made me happy. She went to my nightstand and began to look at all the pictures of us, wondering what would make me go so far without talking to her. 

She was crying on my bed when Boston came in. He handed her the tea and the letter, then left. She took a sip and sighed. It wasn’t the same as how I made it.  Slowly she opened the letter, and began to read it. In it I explained my lack of being there with her in the last month, and a little background on why I did it, and how my mind was made up. I told her she could have my records if she wanted, and that none of this was her fault. I told her about how I loved every moment together, and if she just took a picture of me wherever she traveled it would be like I was really there.

It wouldn’t be the same, and I knew it. Reading it made her cry even harder, so hard that Boston came back in. He had a box of tissues and sat beside her on the bed. “Adelaide never intended to do this to you, she didn’t realize how the decision she was making affected the people around her. She loves you, she always had and always will. This isn’t her saying goodbye, I promise she would never do that to you. She wants you to carry out her legacy, act like she’s still here, and love her unconditionally, because she doesn’t want to see you unhappy. People make mistakes, hers was not knowing enough about what she did. Often time’s people make decisions based off what they see others doing or what they think will be the right choice and they aren’t always right. We just have to live in the world where these decisions make impacts sometimes. She was depressed, and being bullied, maybe she thought killing herself would be the end of it. Sadly she was right, but maybe had she talked to someone, and gotten the help she needed, things would have turned out differently. Don’t blame yourself, its nobodies fault, not even hers,” he told her. She wrapped her arms around him, and cried softly into his shoulder.