Toxic

C4: Lesbian

Chapter4-Lesbian

Dad didn't trust me. I knew that, mom knew that, dad knew that, and Larry knew that. Trust was a big thing in my family and I had lost it a long time ago. I didn't know when, exactly. Maybe the second time I screwed up, or when I introduced mom to Jason. Maybe she would know, for her, when it happened. But I had no clue.

I just knew I kept losing it every time I did something stupid.

I left the next day, early, before dad and Larry woke up. I was honestly surprised I could do it since I figured one of them would be early risers. Maybe not.

Before I left, I packed my messenger bag with my colored pencils and art book, knowing I wouldn't be going very far from the house. I didn't know my way around the town yet and I didn't know who to trust or not. Funny, the girl who wasn't trusted was worried about who she could trust.

I found a fallen log and set myself up on it, spreading my legs out in front of me. I laid my book on my lap and started drawing, trying to distract myself from my problems.

Not having any drugs would start to bug me within the next two days or so. I couldn't go very long without something. But mom took it all, finding even my hidden, hidden spot. My art could distract me for a while but eventually I'd crack and it'd be too much to handle.

I had to find something. And soon.

“You're going to get wet if you stay out here any longer.”

I lifted my head and stared at the girl walking towards me. Her long, red hair was draped over her shoulders, stopping just shy of her navel. Her cheeks were splattered with lots of freckles, more than I had ever seen on a person. Her eyes, a soft, pale green, stared back at me, a little bit of humor in them. She was wearing a red dress that clung to her enough that it didn't move much but not enough to cling tightly to her body. It looked nice on her.

“What did you say?”

She laughed, her voice soft and high. “It's going to rain soon. Didn't you see the forecast?”

I shrugged. “I'm not from around here.”

She sat down on the log beside me. “Where are you from then?”

“Fairview. I live with my mom there. I'm just visiting my dad and... his partner.”

“You mean he's gay, right?”

Unable to say the words, I nodded.

She laughed. “Come on. It's just a word. And before it was a term describing someone, it was a feeling of joy or happiness or something. Like at Christmas time?”

“Do you have a point?”

“'Gay' is just a word. It's up to you to put the meaning behind it.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, the pencil in my hand digging into my side. “Is your parent... you know... Or are you..?”

She smiled. “I am. I always knew I liked girls.”

“So you're a lesbian.”

“That word you have no trouble with. But when it comes to 'gay'...” She shook her head. “Yes, I'm a lesbian. If... if that freaks you out, say something. I hate making people uncomfortable.”

I shrugged and uncrossed my arms. “No, I'm okay.”

She laughed again. Why did she keep laughing at me? She glanced over at me and studied me, my face, my emotions I was assuming.

“What?”

“I don't get you.” She said. “You don't mind being around gay people but to say the word... Why is that?”

Suddenly, I felt very defensive, like I needed to explain myself. “What, is it wrong that it makes me uncomfortable? That if I say it I'll have to come to terms with my father's lifestyle?”

Her eyes suddenly grew soft. “I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything. I didn't mean to.”

“It's a touchy subject.”

“For your family? Or for you?”

I stood up so suddenly that my color pencils went all over the place and my book fell by my foot. “You have no right to talk about me like that. You don't even know me.”

“I don't.“ She said softly, agreeing with me. “But to help someone come to terms with it... It's easier for me being gay and all.”

“I don't need any help.”

“I'm sorry but I don't think that's true.”

Just as I was about to argue with her, it started raining. Light at first then it started pouring.

I cursed under my breath and started gathering up my stuff, making sure to hide my book before it got any more wet.

“Do you need a ride home?” She asked, grabbing a handful of pencils.

“I don't even know you.” I pointed out.

She held out her hand, the sharpened end of the pencils aimed right at me. “I'm Ava.”

I took the pencils. “Lydia.”

She smiled. “I like it.” Her hair was clinging to her face, wetting her eyelashes. She looked even prettier than before.

I shook my head, getting the thoughts pushed away, and stuffed my things in my bag.

“Come on. I'll give you a ride home.”

I nearly stopped in my tracks. “I'm so not ready to go back yet.” It was only noon. I still had a good eight hours left.

She laughed and unlocked the driver's door. She apparently drove a dark blue truck, not something I would have expected from her. “Okay. I know a great place that serves lunch. I'll pay.”

I stood still, the passenger door open beside me. “Is this your way of kidnapping me or something?”

She laughed again. I must have been really, really funny apparently. “There's no way I would've been able to pull it off on my own. I would've drugged you at least.”

I nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't think I could trust her quite yet. Sure she was nice but how far would that go?

She put her truck in drive and pulled back onto the road.